back to article Jacques Chirac ditches devil dog

French former grand fromage Jacques Chirac has been forced to exile his "beloved" mutt Sumo, after it laid into him for the third time. The Maltese terrier was apparently a bit miffed about being shifted from the spacious grounds of the Élysée Palace to a Paris apartment when his owner stepped down from office in May 2007. …

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Dead Vulture

Suspicious...

His dog "went to live on a farm"... Is that the story they told Jacques so as not to hurt his feelings? Isn't that the age old story parents have told their kids when poor Fluffykins is put to sleep?

And I'm under no illusion that I'm the only person to be typing a comment like this.....

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Playmobil!

We need photographic evidence of this "unnamed body part"!

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History repeating?

But soon a wonder came to light,

That showed the rogues they lied:

The man recovered of the bite,

The dog it was that died.

-- Oliver Goldsmith (1730-74)

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Go

WTF?

Has anyone seen the size of these dogs? Damn, one of my cats is bigger than this.

Says something for a cheese eating surrender monkey that one can get savaged by something slightly larger than the average hamster one, let alone three times. Maybe the dog just likes the taste of aging Commies, or may be the dog is really a Merkan puppet.

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Coat

surely

that's 'fromage grand'.. they have this odd grammar over there you know..

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Bronze badge

@ Playmobil.

No we bloody don't, I've just had lunch.

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a narrow escape

> he sank his teeth into an "unnamed body part"

Now, there aren't many body parts that a chap gives a name to (even frenchmen). So I suppose it's lucky that the dog didn't chew on one of them - otherwise he (it?) would at least have been exiled to Elba.

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@Adrian Challinor: No U!

"Maybe the dog just likes the taste of aging Commies"

Maybe you should learn that Boum Boum Chirac is hardcore statist, but not "commie". You <Insert 3-letter american word designating cigarettes in countries that are not like Upper Volta with nukes>!

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Headmaster

@Jellifiish

No, commonly-used adjectives like "grand" and "petit" come before the noun. Having said that, "big cheese" (meaning boss, bloke in charge) translates as "gros bonnet".

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That's the spirit..

It's a shame that the french armed forces can't display similar tenacity...

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Stop

Dog pie

Yeah, yeah. We ALL know the French. That dog'll be in a stew with a load of horse parts before you can say 'zut alors!'

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Ru
Joke

@DT, RE: Cheese eating what now?

The traditional Brit response to Gaelic bravery was swording, burning, shooting and taxation. The Gallic types put and end to that sort of behaviour quite a few hundred years ago.

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Headmaster

@Uncle Slacky

The closest in my vocab is "Le Grand Legume" - "the big vegetable"

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Coat

Meh

Probably still miffed about his the memories of Saddam Hussein.

And let's please stop using "cheese-eating surrender monkeys". My great uncle served under Patton and they refered to the frogs as "smelly rifle-droppers". If it was good enough for the men in the allied armed forces, it's good enough for me.

(Mine's the one with Twain's "Innocents Abroad" in the inner pocket)

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J 3
WTF?

Well...

A Maltese (and similar rat breeds) might be small, but their bite can surely make a lot of damage. Strong jaws, the carnivores, y'know. My cat is nearly twice the size of the average Maltese. With canine teeth about 1 cm long. Same for claws. He won't be able to immediately kill anyone, sure, but it won't be pleasant if he decides to attack. Same for these little yapping dogs.

Now, the rant on dog education. It's common to have this type of problem with toy breeds. People treat them like babies or toys, but they are pack carnivores. So they end up being the alpha animal after a while. And everyone goes "aw, how cute the little dog being brave"... Idiots, Chirac's household included.

Oh, and in case you don't know it can work with cats too. Mine is quite obedient, at least when I am around (I know he does the forbidden things like go on top of the table when I'm not, but that at least shows he knows who's the alpha animal in the house). My girlfriend, that would be. :-)

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Coat

Devil Dog

Mmmmmmm... chocolate, cream-filled, tasty Devill-lll Doggg-ggs...

What? Oh. Never mind...

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Why do people always blame the dog? & @Adrian Challinor

It is ALWAYS[1] the people around the dog who train it to exhibit bad behavior.

[1] The only exception I'm aware of is Parvo survivors ... and they just aren't wired the way that other canines are. (Look up how CPV2 affects puppy brains, if you really want to know. It ain't pretty. Don't say I didn't warn you.)

Adrian, I take it you've never spent much time around dogs? Trust me, regardless of the size of the canid, it will have better reflexes and be faster than any human. If a dog learns that it can get it's way by biting, the humans in the near vicinity are going to get bit ... and they only have themselves to blame. Yes, your cat could probably take out the small dog ... but then your cat has better reflexes than you or I, right? One of our feral Toms routinely feasts on jackrabbit ...

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@Julian I-Do-Stuff

"The closest in my vocab is "Le Grand Legume" - "the big vegetable""

Your vocab is faulty ... legumes aren't vegetables. On the other hand, most folks don't know beans about dawgs ... and I can't quite close the loop ...

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Coat

Maltese cross

So the De Ville dog bought the farm did it? The IT angle: bits and bytes?

Mine's the one with the chocolate raisins in the pocket.

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Coat

Now this is just lazy.

Dog bites man, apparently.

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Joke

Does your dog bite?

[In a mock French accent, ala Peter Sellers]

Does your dog bite?

No

[Reaches down and pats dog]

Grrrrr snap bite!

I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?

It doesn't, that's not my dog...

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Gold badge

Re Suspicious...

Nah, I reckon he's in the best of health, being fed the finest possible doggy treats and has a selection of bitches of the highest pedigree on call.

When the opposition surrenders you get to dictate terms you know.....

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Coat

Bit a human three times? Once is once too many

I have two young dogs (cocker spaniels). Neither would even consider biting a human, because they're properly trained and socialised.

If an adult dog bites a human bcos it's been seriously provoked and can't get away, I'll accept that. (Even if it's a kid - sometimes kids need the shock of the dog retaliating in order to be taught that it's not a toy.) But if it bites with no provocation, either there's something wrong with the dog and it needs to be put down, or there's something wrong with the owner (in how they behave with the dog) and they shouldn't have one in the first place. Most of the time, it's the latter.

Yes, that's my coat, the one with the dog biscuits and a roll of little plastic bags in the pocket.

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