Bait
Brilliant comment bait from Lewis, come on you lot, I need my start of the week laugh. (off to a good start with Kami-Karsi though).
Suicide bum-blast bombing startles Saudi prince
It has emerged that a fanatical al-Qaeda suicide terrorist attempted to kill a Saudi interior minister last month by concealing a bomb up his bottom (the terrorist's, not the minister's). The strategy backfired, so to speak, as the bum-bomber's own body muffled the deadly arse-blast and his target escaped with only minor …
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I understand no photos, due to security issues
But what about some artist rendering of the scenario.
MUWHAHAHAHAHA
At last, quality journalism from El Reg
LMAO
oi scamps, get on yahoo. I need to talk to you about stu [-]
Concealing large amounts of... "plastique"
I can't be the only person who's seen those videos that involve the disappearance and eventual reappearance of an entire 24" double ended "adult toy." I'm sure it simply takes some practice.
Build one of those out of plastic explosive and bob used to be your uncle.
Suspicious.
Er, how did the prince get an injury to his hand??? Buttock 'course - Pictures at 11.
Bu^Heggers belief.
Oh, and about timers, isn't there some chemical that would explode in the vicinity of methane? Fart-detonator! If so, all Bradford curry-shops would be being CCTV'd by the plod. Not that they aren't, honest.
Movies are dangerous
The guy must have been inspired by Syriana - a fittingly stupid Hollywood movie. Unfortunately for him al-Qaeda obviously did not have enough money for a UCAV-launched Hellfire missile monitored via a satellite link so he had to shove the bomb up his **s* instead.
See? Movies are indeed dangerous.
puntastic article!
i'm sure i am not the only one eagerly awaiting the playmobil reconstruction of this one..
Brown mist ?
" ... sustained only a minor injury to his hand"
Where was the prince's hand for it to get injured ?
"Hassan, come here, what's that ? There's a string hanging out of your fundament. Have you been sticking tea bags up there again ? BISMALLAH-WTF!"
So....
does this mean that all Semtex will now have to be made with an added laxative, just in case?
Semlax - helping you blow off safely.
And @AC Re:"Concealing large amounts of... plastique" - I think you're on your own there.
Reg's bomb desk is having a laugh too early
Bulgarian airbags can be made not only out of silicon ya know...
Nip and tuck...
airport security
this ex-AQ operative did manage to transit at least 2 airports and spend a night in prison before surprising the Prince at the ramadan Maglis, whilst fully loaded!. This does not bode well for general airport screening developments!!! take of yer shoes, yer belt and ...
Fundamentraising
At last! A great new way for AQ to raise funds by selling art. "Yes sir, its a brave piece from the non-existentialist school, a real one-off in the style of Marc Quinn but with quite a lot more blood, and as you can plainly see, the artist has really put everything into this work. Absolutely everything."
What a ...................................
dis-ass-ter
hahahahaha
Runs for the LART shelter!
Dear Al-Qaeda...
Your bomb-skills look like shit to me.
I wonder if the last thing he said was "bummer!"?
Poo bombers
I cant wait for the extra security measures at airports...
You are missing the big picture
This is no laughing matter - you are missing the evil genius at work here!
Rather than kill a few of us infidels they have realised that they can inconvenience millions of us in one fell swoop by coming up with the most crazy, hair-brained schemes they can.
Exploding shoes... Now we all have to take our shoes off at airports.
Exploding cans of soft drink... Now we can't take a drink or some hair gel in our hand luggage.
This latest one is absolute evil genius though as obviously to combat this latest threat they are going to have to systematically search all our arses at Heathrow every time we travel.. And as they would need a lot more than 100mls of lube to search the collective orifices of the passengers of the world busiest airport... They'll have to do it without even that. :(
Dodgy sprout falafel implicated?
Rectum? No, but it didn't do 'em any good.
Paris, because she'd know how to hide an improvised device.
He wasn't a bomber
He was obviously an arsonist.
Or is that too obvious?
"Of course we can only speculate regarding the firing system"
"Prince...pull my finger"
On a practical note....
Fortunately, it looks like AQ missed the better delivery system. Smugglers have for years been using condoms to smuggle contraband via ingestion. Stories abound of smugglers using mules to swallow several kilos of drugs and the Russians are said to have used condoms to smuggle vodka into the Gulags at three lites per mule! I'm not sure they'd be able to keep it down overnight like the AQ bomber seems to have, but(t) surely that would allow a large enough charge if utilised with a rectally-mounted primer/detonator? The main charge being in the stomach would also reduce the amount of muffling between the bomber and the target. "Point paunch at target, clench buttocks..."
Airports...
....quick, we need a new bizarre, ineffective, contradictory airport security measure to prevent people smuggling 100ml of water concealed up their bottoms...
...I for one, will be taking the train...
Firing Mechanism
***"Of course we can only speculate regarding the firing system furnished by the back-alley bomb makers who stood behind the young terrorist."***
I suspect they used a deturdnator.
Ass Bomb, how to make
1 curry burrito
2 hard boiled eggs
1 glass cheap beer
@ AC 12:27 - If you've ever been *really* constipated, Semtex seems like the only solution
Sniff, sniff, "Ayer el diablo estuvo aquí. Huele a azufre todavía"
Targetted explosion
surely the solution would be to wear baggy pants, shit out the explosives after you've been searched, and then point your ass at the Saudi royalty before triggering the explosion by slapping your backside?
Lmao indeed
Funniest article and comments ever. Bravo. Thanks to AQ for another Black Adderesque episode that gave us so many "jokes about ze breaking ov ze vind". While a sound rebuttal of Saudi tyranny, it was an overly literal take on assassination. Maybe they ought to employ a consultant or two. Maybe someone from Belfast this time, not a CIA mole.
Darwin Award of 2009 surely?
Surely this is a strong contender for 2009's Darwin Award winner?
Paris because even she wouldn't be stupid enough to stick an explosive up her crack or jacksie. Actually, I'm not so sure about that, especially if it was a stick of dynamite or something phallic...
@ foo_bar_baz
CIA mole...?
I always thought it was gerbils....
Best line has to be ..
"In the interests of good taste"
Honestly.
Dear God....
Priceless as is the AC comment - Pull my finger....
Good article
For once an article I agree with you on Lewis.
Smart people for the most part, aren't even religious. Smart people, most certainly aren't terrorists. Smart people without question, aren't suicide bombers.
There's a descending level of idiocy you have to descend through to reach each of those stages, starting with believing in god (which you don't have to be too stupid for to be fair) through to believing everything a self-labelled agent of god (priest, sheikh or whatever) tells you, through to being willing to randomly kill civilians to make a point because no one listens to your point otherwise because it's fucking stupid, to ultimately being willing to take your own life to try and better make a point that again, no one was listening to because it was a fucking stupid point.
This is why I'm not that scared of them, because whilst yes, their idiocy can cause quite a lot of mayhem, ultimately idiocy has limits, and it has a habit of wiping itself out in the face of the more intelligent of society. This is illustrated each time we hear about failed suicide bombings that only blew up the bomber which seems to happen quite often (see Glasgow airport attacks for some example lol material). Ultimately I find it amusing that you would go through possibly 20 odd years off line, spend all that time learning, put all that effort into training yourself only to be told by someone that if you go and blow yourself up amongst a bunch of civilians you'll get to sleep with a billion virgins or whatever- but then, when you actually do it, you end up only throwing your life away, to much amusement to many around the globe and ridicule and laughter from those you were aiming to harm. What a way to go!
Anonymous Coward @ 15.24
"Smart people for the most part, aren't even religious" Ye. Your whole theory fell apart there.
If we start thinking like that we will be in trouble. Just because some people make stupid mistakes doesn’t mean terrorist are all dumb. Don't forget at least one of the people involved in the spate of car bombings using gas canisters was a Doctor.
Perhaps we wouldn’t have so many problems if people stopped looking down on others with different views, rather than trying to change there views. This goes for both the religious and non-religious.
Anyway, If you were smart you might realise the basis of the problem is not down to religious views but tribalism.
@ Alpha Tony
What do you mean there's no time for lubricant? There is ALWAYS time for lubricant.
(stolen from the movie Evolution)
Fire in the hole!
Burn, burn, burn, the burning ring of fire....
@Ian K
"Pull my finger....." Brilliant!
Paris - Cus quite a few things have 'gone off' inside her.
It finally happened!
This must be the world's first *actual* buttbuttination attempt!
@ He wasn't a bomber
You, Sir, owe me a new keyboard, hahaha.
Thanks Lewis - appreciate the humour about the pyrotechnic invasion of the rectal cavity, makes a change from the cranial one.
As for preventive solutions: easy. It's the same solution as used for a persistent cough: a strong laxative..
In both cases you wouldn't *dare* coughing..
/coat
Mine's the one with the wet wipes..
And
of course we are very sure of one fact, the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind was his arse.
has to be said...
That would have been a bad day at the orifice then for all concerned...
Sorry...
Hellish bit of indigestion there, Must have been that extra strength Texas Chili I had last night...
Almost too awesome
'Of course we can only speculate regarding the firing system furnished by the back-alley bomb makers who stood behind the young terrorist.'
That's a masterclass in reportage.
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