'Do You Want To See My C*ck?' asks budding author
The world of books is buzzing about a new publishing sensation to rival Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol, industry sources have revealed to The Register. A groundbreaking proposal from new North West author Duncan Webster arrived at the office of publishing giant Random House last week, but quickly leaked to rivals and has sparked …
Surely this has to be one from the Timewaster Letter series?
Paris? Well....
You can tell its a Friday,
I thought this was an article about chicken farming.
I walked around with a picture of calum best under my raincoat!
We're all going to laugh at the stupidity of the idea, then some publisher will pick up on it, make millions and before we know it Duncan Webster will be on every TV panel show and radio comedy in much the same way Dave Gorman keeps dining out on the back of one good idea rather than any actual comedy ability.
This seems to be the sort of author who should be directed to such luminaries of the publishing industry as the Writers Literary Agency, in the fervent hope author and agent enjoy a life-long business relationship. For the rest of us, I am sure that more conventional approaches will work far better, if we're any good as writers.
(I do think that the turn-round time some publishers give for submissions is excessive. At least this guy knows they've read his letter.)
this is definatley for christmas pressies when you dont know what to get somebody !
"This week, I have mostly been showing people my knob."
...that he'll be surprised how many people he can indeed show his cock, although an entire book devoted to the various cruising spots of his locality might get a bit boring (and shock a number of people as to what's really going on in their local library!)
1. Visit a young offenders institution and ask the same question
2. Then a primary school
3. Profit!
He's just ghost-writing it for Ewan MacGregor.
Sounds like a song by Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, along the liners of "Do you f**k on first dates".
...when people like this simply wandered around in shabby macs and breezy trousers. What's his follow-up title? "Want a sweetie?"
I've got something in my pocket for you.....
"As I said, doctors would be an easy start"
Even easier, go to a gay bar.
Maybe Paris could make a movie and.........oh, never mind.
It would have to be very well written to be worth reading. I would investigate Mr Webster's writing talent before agreeing to publish. It takes more than a funny idea to write a whole book and I can see this getting old fast once the novelty has worn off.
Wait.. I am wrong. People will buy that based only on the cover and the lulz.
Also I would quite like to see his cock since I am wondering what it looks like now.
Does he catch his victims out by revealing not the contents of his undercrackers, but instead a whips out a picture of James Martin, the well-known TV Chef and indeed, cock.
Paris. I expect she'd like to see one.
Surely when you've seen one cock, you've seen them all ..... haven't you?
I can imagine the breakfast TV book review now.
Paris...
Hole in the bottom of the popcorn trick too. Nudist beaches, nudist ramblings, professional Rugby...
Yeah, sure he's showing people his cock. Ha ha ha.
But it'd be interesting to see the different views on it- interviews with people around the world on whether or not it's considered a bit dodgy (even having asked for permission) to whip out one's todger. Even funnier to see peoples reactions when they've just said "yeah, I don't think it's that big a deal" and he asks if they'd like to see his...
And if it's a crap book, he could do "Do I Look Good In SemiTransparent American Flag Drag" while touring the middle east for his next one.
I don't think I'll get the original priapic-cover, I think I'll wait for flaccidback before I buy it...
Then he should join the Puppetry Of The Penis crew. Good thorough warm ups essential though or trying the Hamburger will put you in hospital.
If, OTOH he wants to show how much of a prick he is then he should look into getting a job with Phorm...
A hooker approached my window once and asked if I'd like Super Sex...
I replied if it was all the same to her I'd have the soup.
Road a couple of weeks back and there in a bookshop window was a coffee-table sized volume (you know, about A3 sized) called "The Big Penis Book".
The cover picture left nothing to the imagination. (Not as big as mine, naturally.)
Paris because....
Ill bet that this letter is taken more seriously than the FSF letter about how evil windows/Microsoft is!
Id just put a video of it swinging around on you tube and start rick rolling people with it.. (actually its probably less irritating/offensive than the actual Rick Astley video anyway!)
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Hope the ascii art knob finds you well.
... unless the aspiring author is so passionate about this idea that he's willing to quickly end up on a sex offenders' registry for it.
Howard Webster, he could've called it Howard's Bell-end.
Paris, because she's still looking for the bell.
The one that sprung to mind for me was "The Wanker's Song" by Ivor Biggun.....
Reminds me of something my gran told us, ages back. Being a dog owner, she'd regularly meet other local dog owners on walks around the local woods. Anyway, the word went round the dog walkers that this lad was flashing women in these woods. An elderly friend of my gran's put a bit of a halt to his career though when he flashed her, she took a look and told him, "Young man, I used to work as a nurse, and I've seen a lot better ones than that!"
Grannies With Attitude. Can't beat them. :)
Adrian Edmondson explored this in his book "How to be a Complete Bastard" back in the mid-80s. The two main strands were, firstly, getting your nob to make history, so that it has to be shown on the news, and secondly, getting your nob on "That's Life."
On the subterfuge front, I refer you all to Nick the Dick's "salami in a bun" stunt in the Tom Hanks film "Bachelor Party."
On the music front, I nominate "The Dog, the Dog, He's At It Again" by Caravan, and "I Want to Show My Flower" by Hilltop John.
