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back to article Microsoft pimps bogus Windows 7 'launch parties'

Microsoft is offering to bribe you into throwing a launch party for Windows 7. Just as Redmond regains credibility after the debacle that was Windows Vista by garnering positive reviews for its upcoming Windows 7, its marketing geniuses have decided to embarrass the company by promoting bogus bashes in honor of that operating …

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Hey Microsoft, the Ubuntu LoCo Council called, they want their release party idea back.

Seriously, does Microsoft really think it can pull off the kind of grass-roots party we have for Ubuntu every 6 months in most cities and countries? We'll be happy to send Ubuntu Karmic CDs to any of these frat parties, full version software for all!

Although I am surprised at El Reg for not picking up on the Ubuntu LoCo teams comparison.

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Pint

Well I've applied...

Free copy of Windows 7 and eBayable goods, plus an excuse for a piss-up? I can't see the downside.

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Gates Halo

Oh, how they laughed...

By the look of their expressions (and the finger pointing) it seems they're looking at a pornographic image of Steve Ballmer and his favourite chair. It won't respect you in the morning, Steve.

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Pint

@Russ Tarbox

My thoughts exactly... but first, a quick read over the T&C.

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10 friends?

Hate to talk of stereotypes, but who is interested in computers and has 10 friends?

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Flame

Oh FFS

I just knew there would be one of those smug freetards going on and on and on about Ubuntu launch parties.

You know what, I googled them. And this is what came out (links perfectly SFW, but may cause terminal boredom):

http://www.flickr.com/photos/freeculture/sets/72157607438938969/

http://photos.jonathancarter.co.za/v/ubuntu-party-7-04/

https://wiki.ubuntu.com/ArizonaTeam/Installfest/Jaunty-Tucson

Quite frankly, I'd rather be trapped in a burning bus with Microsoft's stock models than attend one of these.

So please, do kindly shut up about your computer club meetings or at least have the decency to stop calling them "parties".

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Paris Hilton

What fun!

Microsoft are that hard up they want people to pay for the privilege of pimping 7 for them.

Now, if they provided copious amounts of beer and nibbles, well... temptation might win out...

Paris would never stoop so low, well...

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Dead Vulture

Whats bogus about it?

If someone throws a party, they get stuff to jazz it up...am missing the whole bogus part in this? or is this the Reg just looking for an excuse to whine that MS is giving stuff away and offering goodies for prizes?

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WTF?

Synchronicity

I just got the email inviting me to apply for a Windows 7 launch party an hour ago. My first thought was: WTF?

You beat me to the find it the next week on eBay quip.

I would like to apply and get the free stuff and possibly win a neat netbook but I am an IT nerd and have no friends and do not party so it would be wrong to win and simply pretend to hold the event.

I agree with the AC comment: "Oh, how they laughed... #" - the only time a group of people huddle around a computer and have those expressions and gestures in unison is when watching something fairly rude. The women are laughing as hard as the men so it must be gay porn.

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Megaphone

FREE STUFF!

WOO HOO!

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DT

Free press coverage

Sure, it sounds like it could be a bit lame...

...but still you decided to give them a free page of PR.

Genius!

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Anonymous Coward

Its a sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad world.

I don't believe this has ever happened to me before; reading this article made me cringe so much I actually felt nauseous. This is the most uncool stunt I've ever heard of, and I've made a career out of deriding uncool stunts! Please, don't apply! If you meet a guy who has, kick him so hard that the next time his bollocks meet they're on the far side of the moon. Do it for me, if not for yourselves. But do it for yourselves anyway.

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Not very hopeful...

"One Deck of Playing Cards with Windows 7 Desktop Design" - Just in case the Windoze 7 version of solitaire doesn't run properly on your machine!

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Thumb Up

Let's be fair guys

Microsoft insulted its customer more than once -- and will likely to do it again in near future. Nonetheless, they have every right to "celebrate" the stupidity of their customers. After all before Vista, they had MS Office Ads insulting their users, calling them dinosaurs for sticking with Office 2003, or older. Now, they got away with Vista.

Other side of pound we have our beloved Steve Jobs, we know how friendly Apple PC would be if they own 90% of the world market.

Linux, well let be honest here guys. There are very few user like me who are willing to learn things like -- why my lappy's wifi is not working, or what type of linux friendly notebook is on the market.

Personally, I am looking forward to the day when human being are born like "seedless fruits", and they would need to pass a license to a have one baby.

And for the usual suspect, no baby for you!

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Happy

Ding dong...

...the wicked witch of Vista is dead!

Well, that's the theme I'd choose should I be selected to throw a party in 7's honour. Then again, there's rarely a bad excuse for some impromptu cerveza consumption. I hope they don't mind if I have secondary themes of celebrating MacOS X and Linux, while we're at it?

I'm a little more discerning than most potential 7 party-hosters, though. I'd also like to see a cheque cut for some reasonable amount for my time in organising a local marketing programme on Microsoft's behalf -- especially since they stand to profit handsomely from my (presently hypothetical) efforts. A free copy of 7 Ultimate is a good start, but not enough.

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Poles punished.

No polish option under want to host a house party.

Just punishment for the Poles after they airbrushed out the head of a dark skinned fellow and replaced him with a more acceptable white head in a M$ promo photo.

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FAIL

@Martin Owens

Bit ironic, really - you complain Microsoft 'nicked' the idea from Ubuntu, but Ubuntu 'nicked' it from everyone else. There've been release parties for Linux distros since years before anyone thought of Ubuntu.

Of course, with Linux distros - what with them being free software, and all - there's an actual point to the event: everyone who shows up gets a copy. It's pretty sad to see Microsoft trying to steal the release party idea without the actual _point_...

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Joke

not redundant

" can win a "mini-notebook laptop personal computer" [Note to author: please clear this quote with the Department of Redundancy Department. - Ed.] "

Dear Editor, a mini-notebook is not the same as a laptop computer, please don't blur the

marketing line quite so much.

Next you'll be calling the iPhone a mini-mini-pocket -'puter ... oh .. wait

She's ... got ... a

mini mini pocket puter

apple stuff could not be cuter

that she wore for the first time today !

a mini mini pocket puter

nothing else would ever suit her

and the geeks will have so much to say !

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Troll

Order up some

sluts with that part pak, video the dancing or whatever to demonstrate the media center,now you have a paryy Ballmer!

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Joke

one small problem.

First I'd have to find anyone who hasn't ditched Windows for OSX or Linux.

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Coat

Forensics...

It has been suggested that the scene on the computer must be fairly rude. Going one step further...

Front row, from left:

#1: Sister of #4. She secretly filmed an encounter between #2 and #4.

#2: Boyfriend of #3, secretly toying with #4.

#3: Girlfriend of #2, never suspected a thing and now is confronted with vivid evidence.

#4: Brother of #1, regular boyfriend of #5, had some fun with #2.

#5: Boyfriend of #4, half-brother of #3. Happy to see that #4's horizons are being expanded.

Back row: Straight guy wondering how much more of this he has to see before they hand out the "mini-notebook laptop personal computer". His Asian girlfriend is about to emerge from the kitchen carrying a tray, saying, "Cocktairs fo evelyone!!"

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Anonymous Coward

Duh.

The desired effect has been achieved. You are reading about Windows 7. The marketing pitch has worked.

A non-Windows user.

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Coat

Party pack

They forgot the skin bleach

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Anonymous Coward

No Taste

This has all the appeal of a Windows campaign fronted by Ronald MacDonald.

The trouble with MS is they just have no taste. They are common, as my mum would have said in 1958.

Sheesh... I almost begin to see why people go for Apple!

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Penguin Rock

@By That Awful Puppy

+++

Hilarious

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Apple not off the hook

How about the stage managed hysteria surrounding the iCon sorry iPhone

But this is also rather lame

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Pint

Well, I'm in!

Freebies get me every time. I figure, I'll be buying 7 anyway (Home Premium), so Ultimate would be nice. I like drinking. I drink while upgrading PCs. So, I can have a drink, install a free copy of 7, have music on, dance a bit. Setting up with Ease Party! The only problem I have, as has been pointed out, is the 9 friends bit. So far I've got:

1) Wife

2) kid 1

3) kid 2

4) Mother-in-law

5) Brother-in-law maybe

6) Other brother-in-law

7) His wife

8) Their kid 1

9) Their kid 2

Hey, I've got enough! Failing that, I'll just email friends and relatives who all live miles away, and wouldn't cross the street for a Windows 7 party, let alone travel hundreds of miles.

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FAIL

A title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

"Just as Redmond regains credibility..."

Who says??????

Oh right - another Redmond sycophant Regtard - what a surprise....

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Paris Hilton

Whoopee!

I can imagine the fun party games now;

Hunt The Missing Drivers

Reboot Reboot Reboot

Backup & Restore (if it is working by then)

Can you drink a yard of ale in the time Windows 7 boots up?

Every time a guest requests a drink, the host must popup and shout

"PARIS HAS REQUESTED A DRINK! [ALLOW] or [DENY]?"

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WTF?

Multicultural?

Whoa, whoa! Where's the token Asian student in that picture?

RACISTS!

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mini-notebook laptop?

Is that a netbook class computer that comes with a laptop price because the cost of a retail windows license has to be added to it? ;)

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Lots of Paper Products but no Ass-wipes?

I would sign up for those.

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Oh look, Windows did something...

Universal truths for the fanbois just choking to say something...

Linux - Might be open-source but it's closed-world world shite not used outside the geek industry. Save all the "but my granny uses Linux" replies, please. Your granny only uses Linux because you, the geek, set it up for her.

OSX - <10% market share for good reason. Can you imagine how much fun a Snow Leopard party would be? I wonder if one of the freebies would be a representative from Apple.

"Hey, thanks for letting me come to your Snow Leopard party. I have one on the first Tuesday of every month. IT'S CALLED WINDOWS FUCKING UPDATE!"

90% market share, bitches! You not liking it won't change it.

Anyone want to come to a launch party? ;)

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Badgers

Chair throwing contest in my garden

...if I get the go ahead. There must be more Microsoft-themed party games we can come up with. Blue Screen of Death could be like that hole in the wall programme with Dale Winton, only without the holes and with a real wall.

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FAIL

@That Awful Puppy

You're right. Microsofts stock models could possibly be interesting. Those Ubuntu Parties look just... just terrible. Really terrible. Why not host a launch party in a pub? Or somewhere that wouldn't remind people of high school? The middle set at least had something other than people sat at desks...

Actually, as so many people like Linux, why not rent out a nightclub and provide free WiFi for anyone running Linux that evening! Make it a proper launch party- try to get some tech-related celeb/TV types to appear (like... err.. no idea. Gadget Show presenters? No, the bald guy's a Mactard...), relabel a load of generic booze so it's "Ubuntu" branded, hire a compere to keep the evening moving, and call the next release Ubuntu- Anonnymous Alcoholic. Hire/buy/build touchscreen terminals to show it off. Get someone from Canonical to make a speech about how this is the year of Linux.

Pretty much, push to get Linux in the national press as a free alternative to Windows- loved, developed and supported by millions.

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RW
Linux

Re: Oh, how they laughed...

That photo reminds me very strongly of one used by Vincent Flanders on webpagesthatsuck.com with the caption "these ladies are laughing at your website".

Maybe the fine folks in the photo here are laughing at W7 "oh, wow, can you believe that?!"

Where on earth does MS get such stupid ideas about marketing? You may laugh at a bad website, you may laugh at an online joke, you may laugh at a comedy you're watching, but the OS? Give me a break: if the OS attracts your attention in any way, it's a failure.

The insincerity and cynicism evinced by this "marketing" tactic is beyond measure.

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Gold badge

Tip for Microsoft

Concentrate on the product, a good product will sell with very little promotion.

It saves having to devise even more stupid ways of promoting your lame product.

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WTF?

Seven hundred fifty dollars!

What sort of mini-notebook laptop personal computer costs 35 grand??

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Happy

@AC 23:23 GMT

"Hate to talk of stereotypes, but who is interested in computers and has 10 friends?"

Drug dealers.

Dey loves their gadgets.

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Pint

A Pint to Rik

For a wonderful report on such a ridiculous topic.

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Anonymous Coward

Yeah it worked alright

Yeah it worked alright, It has me read more about 7 and that much more convinced that MS is pushing a crappy product and my decision to run to the penguin was a good one....

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Flame

Oh dear...

Bring a brown-bag party or at least get the washing up bowl so you have something to be sick into!

I class myself as a bit of an Apple fanboi, but jeez I waited 3 days before I could work up enough energy to bother going down the local Apple store to get my new SL disc. Come on the Apple keyboard doesn't even have a sodding # key on it and it runs Unix for flips sake, it ain't that great! I did not throw "Bring a leopard party!" or celebrate "I just contributed to another Ferrari for Steve day"! I bought Snow Leopard, installed it and saw bugger all difference to my machine, my general computer usage and certainly no change to my life in any meaningful way! No bus full of dusky maidens ready to perform any sordid whim, as Ritchie and Eddie often dreamed of!

Come on, these are just tools ( no not us Apple freaks! ) the O/Ss, Windows, Ubuntu and OSX. Just tools, to get stuff done, kill time until the great leveller calls you home. OK? These are not lifestyle choices, these will not get you girls ( well not normal ones anyway! ), you will not suddenly become Mr Sexy 2009, just 'cos you were the first in the queue to buy your copy of your chosen O/S.

Talking of which, a great party would be to gather all the sad tossers who're always first to buy latest-super gadget #9 of the moment, cheering and waving to camera. Get all those sad loser in a room, lock the doors and pump in the Sarin! Do us all a favour and perhaps improve the human-race somewhat!

PERSPECTIVE is the keyword.

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Bronze badge

After the install...

Do we have a contest on how long it takes to install some version of Linux. Everyone take a new W7 and a Linux distribution (of their choice). The winner is the person who goes from W7 to Linux in the shortest amount of time. That would be a contest!

As others have said: "Free bling!!"

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Grenade

WoW!

What happens to the party spirit when some poor sucker brings their PC to the party and the upgrade screws up the system? I can imaging that in a sue-happy country such as the US the day after the party the news will be full of "You wrecked my PC! You WILL pay!" reports.

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Anonymous Coward

all of a sudden

i have the urge to go and buy a mac...

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FAIL

What will be clear to those who bother to read the body of this post:

Please consult the Miniature Computer Field Guide for the proper usage of the term 'notebook'

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/03/13/miniature_computer_field_guide/

As for Redmonds marketing strategy, oh well I don't know where to begin and I wouldn't know where to stop if I did. I can write volumes about why This Is Wrong(tm). But as we don't have these parties in the Netherlands, I'll suffice with the title of this work: 'Nauseating pur sang'

I just feel I lost a little faith in humanity that's all...

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This post has been deleted by its author

Alien

regarding that picture

Whose head are they going to replace when it gets displayed in Poland?

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Paris Hilton

Surprise guests

Will Mr. Blobby be a surprise guest at the House Party? Or Steve Ballmer in a Gunk Tank?

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Anonymous Coward

Class party

My daughter's class has 10 students and they could use a new computer. They could raffle off the Windows 7 and buy a computer for their classroom. If they win the mini laptop they could raffle it too and buy a few more. A local shop has IBM M50's for $129 CDN

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