A Bury lad waiting for his GCSE results was somewhat surprised to learn he'd passed exam board AQA's stringent 'Using Public Transport (Unit 1)' test, which honours those able to "walk to the local bus stop, stand or sit at a bus stop, wait for the arrival of a public bus and sit on the bus and observe through the windows". …
Something else to add to the CV
Who do I write to to get mine and can I also qualify for the extra credit of using the train? I probably wouldnt pass the PHd level though, I always get confused on the undergound :-)
Any minute now ..
'Ability to fart and chew gum at the same time' certficate. A notable early failure being President Gerald Ford, according to LBJ.
I actually laughed out loud when I read this.
They had obviously thought about this
"observe through the windows" is a key part of the sillybus (arf arf) because if you didn't you wouldn't know when it was time to get off.
Only a certificate?
Anyone managing to use public transport outside London deserves a medal.
Sounds a little like the Computer Driving License
This is a computer......... This is how you switch if off..................... Now don't tounch anything else.
Well I guess its better than nothing
Well done Bobby!
What about a gold star for saving the environment while they're at it?
I failed breathing 101
I don't care about this subject
But I feel compelled to add a comment!
< blank title >
"Bury's Youth Support Services Manager, Barbara Lewis, defended: "This certificate isn't just about getting on the bus, it's about time management, working out bus routes and for some people, travelling alone for the first time."
Head - desk, head - desk, head - desk, head -desk, head - desk, head - desk... ad-infinitum... ...twice.
All of a sudden my Cambridge Certificate of Computer Literacy doesn't seem such a Mickey Mouse qualification anymore.....
Good, practical qualification, that. He'd walk into a texting career (no offence, Bobby).
This is nothing new. When I did GCSEs nearly twenty years ago, a science paper (printed on recycled paper) had a page with five clear photos of very different animals on it, each marked with a letter. The page behind it was blank. One of the questions, all multiple choice, was 'which one is the bird?' How the pass rate can have gone up since then, I do not know.
seeing as most university students are incapable of using a bus properly I welcome this new test. They don't know how to queue, they don't know how to pay and they don't know to move to the back.
I wonder how hard the other units are?
If you want to see the actual certificate, visit www.dailymail.co.uk. I'm going to use it in a scambait.
Shoelace Tying Certificate
Log Dismounting NVQ
Arse / Elbow Differentiation Baccalaureate
All of which will, by law, be equivalent to an A-grade Further Maths A-level and any university who doesn't accept their holders will have all its funding taken away by an equal opportunities quango before being nuked from orbit.
Awww flippin' eck!
I my day it were called 'going to school'.
You walked, rode, got the bus/train/tram, ran (when it was wet) and even dawdled slowly.
Kids these days, eh?
- Diploma in shoe lace tying
- Degree in showering
- PHD in advanced hair combing?
Im waiting for the "successfully maintains inhalation and exhalation of air whilst maintaining consciousness" awared. Hope I dont fail that one.
A certificate to say one can wipe their own ass properly!!!
what a pile of crap
"here you go Jimmy, you have successfully proven you have common sense and can use it, here's a piece of paper so you can prove it to other people"
This has got to be satire. Please. Please god, this can't be true.
It's obviously the DoEd trying out the new GCSE replacement.
a certificate for successfully taking a crap? making a cup of tea? getting out of bed?
Oh oo oooh!
I so want this certificate!
It'd look great on my CV.
I'm sure I could ace the test first time - I've been practicing my observing through bus windows skills.
No really... What?
I think I'm imagining things, because a council awarding an education certificate for getting on a bus is just ludicrous.
Some more life altering qualifications
Have a look at http://web.aqa.org.uk/qual/uas/units/life.php
Be warned... do not drink coffee while reading.
Possible to fail
Surely the fact that his brother failed it proves the pointfulness of the test? :-)
Re: A ***
Heard news of someone planning to show older exam papers a few days ago.
I'd love to compare the CSE and O level papers I took in 1984 to the modern day equivalents.
Should be a right laugh, that should. 'specially when some pen pushing beaurocrat tries to claim exams haven't got easier.
Aliens. It has to be. They're sending stupifying rays to subdue us.
Dave 142... in Manchester, by any chance??
Help, I'm trapped on public transport!
"......'Using Public Transport (Unit 1)' test, which honours those able to "walk to the local bus stop, stand or sit at a bus stop, wait for the arrival of a public bus and sit on the bus and observe through the windows"."
Presumably Unit 2 is taught on board and covers how to get OFF the bus?
Paris, because she'd definitely fail.
Tonight i am taking a test.
Using the pub (Unit 1)
Walk to the pub, stand or sit at a bar, wait for the arrival of a pint and drink the pint and observe the effect of "beer goggles" on the women.
Can you get extra credit
For not blasting the bus with gansta rap from your phone ?
I travel on Birmingham's buses from time to time and feel i deserve some sort of zen master status for resisting the temptation to murder some of the more challenging yoof who inhabit the 51 route. Look out for the guy with the forced tranquil smile yet still trying to exude a feeling of doan mess wid me modafoka. It could be me!
what next ?
what the phuq has happened to this country. What kind of idiot thought it would be a good idea to give certificates for basic skills. What next, Certificate for ...
- being able to tell which way is up
- holding a spoon the right way up
- distinguishing day from night
- being able to use a toilet correctly
- breathing in a compedent manner
This award suggest that the average iq in bury must be very low, i mean shoe sizes folks. Hey keep lowing the bar, and maybe the fool who came up with the idea for this certificate might look intelligent
His Brother FAILED?????
Is he appealing the result like all good kiddies?
How the hell can anyone fail?
Presumably the older lad now gets a grant for the University of Manchester BSc degree in Bus Travel.
"When I did GCSEs nearly twenty years ago..."
Ditto - well nearly. My GCSE biology paper included a large drawing of a leaf with several insects on it. The accompanying question was "How many insects are there on this leaf?".
(Yes, the bugs all had six distinct legs...)
This is a train-based syllabus ill-advisedly applied to buses.
Where I come from, you need to start the process of getting off a bus before it comes to a halt. If you were to wait for the bus to stop and *then* get out of your seat, the driver would pull off again before you reached the exit. It's only trains that stop long enough at every stop for you to do that.
Curious list, used to be called parenting when I were a lad
holding a spoon the right way up
You joke, @Sarah Davis, but I would fail this. The amount of grief I get from my mother-in-law because I hold my knife and fork the "wrong way round". Can you really blame me for wanting the tool with sharp pointed ends approaching my face to be held in the hand with the finest motor control?
I couldn't even pass a blood test, let alone a bus test
Thats one clever kid there, he'll go far
"and observe through the windows"
Do you get a lower mark if you lick them at the same time, or is that an advanced skill?
A select few of the other "qualifications" on offer..
Cleaning and putting away the dishes after a meal
Joining and using a public library
Using a vending machine
Setting a table
Washing and drying crockery and pans
Using. A. Vending. Machine.
F. F. S....
Hell in a handcart, and other such dailymailisms.
more @ http://web.aqa.org.uk/qual/uas/units/life.php
(Note.. probably best not to throw ridicule at those with codes marked "special" as I suppose those are targetted at people with special needs of some variety or other. I would imagine that being able to dress oneself would actually be a skill that would enhance one's quality of life immeasurably if you couldn't prior to being taught how to..)
Quick someone call the IWF... Re: Some more life altering qualifications
"Have a look at http://web.aqa.org.uk/qual/uas/units/life.php"
Check out the one on "UNDRESSING AND DRESSING ONESELF" - where you'll find this gem:
"EVIDENCE TO BE OFFERED
Youth leader completed itemised checklist and/or
video evidence of the session (1-3). "
Talk about encouraging child porn... won't somebody think of the children?
Before you mock ...
... remember that not everyone is as fortunate as you are. Many of the users of the service I work for would find this a challenge, and it would represent a considerable achievement. They would be justifiably very proud of this certificate.
icon because using your brain first should have prevented most of these posts. I expect this crap from the Daily Mail, but Reg readers should be able to do far better than this.
Thanks for posting that URL. It seems there really are qualifications in combing your own hair and making a cup of tea. I especially like the Buying Stuff in Argos Module!
A correspondent tells me that this is one of a range of personal achievement certificates, like tea making and paying the electric bill, that are issued to people on adult eduction support programmes and are a significant confidence boost to people for whom doing such things is a major challenge.
Obviously some numbwit organising the youth event has wholly misunderstood his delegates and the purpose of the event, but I'd hate for all this daily-mail based mirth to undermine people to whom these things represent a significant achievement.
At least one customer springs to mind.
...really that much different from 5 metre / 10 metre / 15 metre swimming badges?
In a blatant attempt to remove any humour, while obviously not required for an adult of average intelligence this would appear to be a perfectly suitable course for someone who doesn't know anything about public transport, e.g. a child.
It's like complaining at the stupidity of the "illiterate short-arse anti-social morons" who can only cope with the most basic education in language and numeracy.
AKA "primary school children".
So it's got a certificate - even if it isn't needed, why is this a problem?
Although, having a 15yo take this course seems unnecessary.
@ Andy Hockey
I just looked at that list and ticked off all the ones I can do.
The only one I can't do is - Youth club project: applying for funding.
I guess i'm not the genius I thought I was, although clearly i'm far too clever to live in Bury
Poor poor world, what a state
@Andy Hockey Fri 13:16> "Have a look at http://web.aqa.org.uk/qual/uas/units/life.php
Be warned... do not drink coffee while reading.
I wholeheartedly endorse this recommendation.
From "Undressing and dressing oneself" (which, for some reason not immediately evident, is marked "special"): "Evidence to be offered: Youth leader completed itemised checklist and/or video evidence of the session (1-3)"
...read immediately after the Economist article referenced in "US State bans..."' comments.
Truly I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Reasons for failure
I saw this in the local free paper this morning..
Apparently the younger brother failed. It was suggested this was because he "listens to music instead of looking out the window".....
I feel sorry for the younger brother
After all, how badly could they have failed in their training/teaching if he didn't pass?
Taking her out for a spin...never mind the windows.
Re: Some more life altering qualifications
I should have heeded Andy's comment about not drinking coffee while perusing the list of AQA 'qualifications' at the link he suggested (http://web.aqa.org.uk/qual/uas/units/life.php).
I did notice there isn't one for 'Cleaning Spewed Coffee from Computer Keyboards' as I could do with someone holding that one right now.
My favorite amongst the long list has got to be 'Walking in a group for pleasure'.
That list of completly useless 'qualifications' it is yet another example of the dire state this country has been forced into by the idiots at the top - come the revolution....................!