back to article London desperately seeking Strategy Boutique

We're delighted to inform those of you who're reading this to the sound of whalesong, whilst enveloped in thick joss-stick-generated fug that the Greater London Authority needs your help in defining the capital's identity paradigm, via a "brand engagement process" with the "widest range of stakeholders possible", leading to a …

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WTF?

Bill Hicks got it right..

"If anyone here is in marketing or advertising, kill yourself"

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Grenade

"widest range of stakeholders possible"

Presumably any "stakeholders" (like, say, people who live in London) who hold the perfectly sensible position on the subject of "why not spend the money on something useful you pathetic wankers" will not be considered as possibilities.

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Grenade

Come to London...

...we'll screw you for every bit of cash you have, then you can f**k off home.

We'll at least it's honest...

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Boffin

Brand engagement agencies expected to knock one out for policy mechanism pitch

Sounds like rocket-science to me.

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stakeholders

A word that always makes me think of furious villagers forming up outside Dracula's castle. But alas the word has better staying power than your average vampire.

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Anonymous Coward

How about

"with the "widest range of stakeholders possible", leading to a unified brand for London which sets the vision for a post-2012 metropolis."

Gotta be something catchy, the sums up London, it's huge size, it's CCTVs, its random stop and searches, it's criminalization of protests..... how about "metropolistate". Too many syllables perhaps?

How about "London, Watching You Watching the Olympics"

Or a nanny reference, "London: Europe's Naughty Step"

Or Orwell reference, "London, Double Plus Good"

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Makes sense

We must face facts: 'London' has been a brand for about 2,000 years now. I don't know about you, but all I ever think of is Roman invasion and that Time Team lot digging up archaeology in Cheapside. I hope the new branding also includes a nice logo: perhaps one that can be tattooed on the denizens of NuLondon.

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Headmaster

So, that's where the money got to

Most will be spent on trying to sort out Boris's image.

Anyone for wiff-waff ?(but obviously not played by the riff-raff).

(Jimmy Edwards - at least he was only acting)

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Makes sense

Face facts, 'London' has been called 'London' (or variations of) for a couple of millennia. It's clearly long overdue for a makeover. Big Ben should be demolished and a shiny new 3-D logo erected in its place as soon as possible.

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Greater London *has* a "logo"

The coat of arms it was granted in the 1960s

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/72/Arms_of_the_Greater_London_Council.svg

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mhj
Joke

BS Bingo

House!

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Big Brother

One we have been working toward for a while

If you want a vision of the future, imagine a Gucci loafer stamping on a human face - forever.

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Megaphone

Copyright Lennon/McCartney

Day after day, alone on a hill,

The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still

But nobody wants to know him,

They can see he's just a fool

And he never gives an answer.

But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down

And the eyes in his head see the world SPINNING round.

Well on the way, head in a cloud,

The man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud.

But nobody ever hears him

Or the sound he appears to make

And he never seems to notice.

But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down

And the eyes in his head see the world SPINNING round.

And nobody seems to like him,

They can tell what he wants to do

And he never shows his feelings.

But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down

And the eyes in his head see the world SPINNING round.

He never listens to them,

He knows that they're the fools

They don't like him. The fool on the hill sees the sun going down

And the eyes in his head see the world SPINNING round.

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Coat

Post 2012 metropolis?

Is brand identity the most pressing concern for the aftermath of the 50-foot Mayan apocalypse of 2012?

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Pint

Init

Obvious really, "It's Larndan, innit"

Where do I collect my fifty mill?

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h 6
FAIL

Powerpoint?

Keynote, you laggard.

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Bronze badge

London after 2012?

Logo showing a couple of Londoners finally at peace in their favorite pub having a quiet pint.

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It's in the bag...

Dear GLA

I hereby submit my brand solution for your consideration. I believe it fulfils the remit to offer 360° engagement with all stakeholders by leveraging traditional brand values whilst initialising a paradigm shift to a new, more dynamic proposition.

http://i26.tinypic.com/10dxwt5.png

Many thanks and warm regards

Lunatik

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Sorted.

I can offer a "brand engagement process" with the "widest range of stakeholders possible" ... if all Register Readers send me a quid or two, I'll unify London and myself by flying over for a holiday.

Alan Brand, Canada

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Stop

STOP

Just STOP

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