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back to article Boffins develop 'Hidden gateway to Hogwarts girls' loos'

Attention-seeking boffins in China claim to have created a "tunable electromagnetic gateway" which "can realize functionalities that were thought to be possible only in science fictions". Sadly they seem not to be aware of the difference between science fiction and the enormous, derivative, fist-eatingly turgid Billy Bunter/Meg' …

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Coat

The cake is a lie

This is a triumph, I'm makeing a note here, great success.

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Happy

Quick to react...

The attentive-to-detail boffins have already updated their EDF-ETBBMnMCFPHP in the referenced article.

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Mong?

There's a Mong institute? Is he king?

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Gold badge

So, a bit like shields.....

.....only mirror effect then?

I can see a demand for this as soon as Andrew Eldritch gets assigned to command the Starship Enterprise.

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Headmaster

Now then

You can't complain on both grounds:

- that in Harry Potter it was a non-wormhole hidden entrance,

- that this discovery is a way to hide things but not a wormhole.

The claim matches the reality, erm, fiction.

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Boffin

Metamaterials...

So, if you're allowed to invent devices that rely on materials as yet undiscovered, what is to stop me from achieving fame and fortune by announcing that I have invented the Wall of Infinite Custard, which will end world hunger by producing endless supplies of yellow dessert topping? My invention relies on a metamaterial which turns incident energy into matter, conveniently comprised of basic molecules formed into a custard like soup.

BTW, I am planning on sueing Microsoft, as I believe Windows Vista has a subroutine that does essentially the same thing, but in software. Except I thought of it first. Mmmmm... custard.

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Thumb Up

Lewis-isms

"snakespeech-operated haunted dunny tunnel"

Well done that man, well done.

<golf clap>

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Silver badge

Lifting a Corner of the Magic Carpet .... under which so much is Swept

Lewis,

Boffinry has been Busy and does not recognise Petty Party Political International Boundaries, which are invariably Putrid Greed Zones Infested with Diseased Vermin/Perverted Gang Masters and Money Screws. In Advanced IntelAIgent Fields, things are getting ....well, Interesting is not an inappropriate Word for Future Actions being Presently taken.

" 4-2. The actual planning of a UW effort—whether it is deliberate or crisis-action planning—utilizes the standard joint operation planning process or military decision-making process described in JP 5-0, Joint Operation Planning; FM 5.0, Army Planning and Orders Production; and FM 3-05. As any UW effort will include more than just the military instrument of a national power, an effects-based approach to planning may be especially useful"

"The desired outcome is to minimize the U.S. presence while maximizing the U.S. impact in realizing objectives." "

By an Alien Proxy would IT be Stealthily Masked and Elevated into Live Operational Virtualised Environment Control.

Seventh Heaven Global Communications HQ C42 Quantum Communications Control System with Astute NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive IT .... for CyberIntelAIgent Beings in Alienated Forces/Unconventional Phormations/Irregular Resourced Assets

"4-18. The role of ARSOF in UW is to advise, train, and aid irregular forces. ..... UW is fundamentally a political activity to persuade surrogates to act in concert with U.S. objectives, which is an indirect application of U.S. power." .... At least a Nobel Feat/Feast, Uncle Sam, and a Truly Noble Facility for Networks InterNetworking HyperProVision in Advanced Code XSSXXXX for Live Operational Vital/Virile/Viral/Virtual/Vivacious/Venal Environments/MetaPhysical Situations/Temporal Phases.

Which is Tripping/Magical Mystery Turing down the CosmICQ Way looking for AIMates into Right Royal Plays with the Ancient Immaculate Magic of Corruptible Absolute Power.

And the Sweetest of Surrender Honey Traps in which to Accept Triumphant Defeat and its Sticky Bounties.Fortunately IT does not suffer the Vanity of Fools.

"Some of these TTP are classified. FM 3-05.220, (S/NF) Special Forces Advanced Special Operations (U), provides a detailed explanation of these TTP."

"Although each irregular force or organization in UW is unique, the traditional ARSOF practice of conceiving UW as U.S. support to an insurgency or resistance movement provides a unifying general concept for irregular force organizational structure. Although support for classic insurgency or resistance against state opponents may be less common in the 21st century, ARSOF retain this capability and use this traditional unifying concept as a reference template against which ARSOF Soldiers are assessed, trained, and employed in UW." .... A valuable Art, is such Sublime Cloaking.

All quotes from Field Manual No. 3-05.130 .... Army Special Operations Forces Unconventional Warfare, September 2008

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Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Lester . . .

. . ."fist-eatingly turgid Billy Bunter/Meg'n'Mog combo fantasy platform"

Best description ever.

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Cash?

So I can't use this thing to pull off a bank heist?

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ah thats better

There was I thinking i knew what was going on, Then amanfromMars added his tuppenth and I was back into "what the hells going on here" land.

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Coat

Double quotes

My addled programmer's brain can't stop seeing a syntax error in this article's title.

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Thumb Up

"Shields up, set red alert"?

nuf said?

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Alien

Reminds me of a book...

... I read as a kid in which reptile-like aliens invaded a near-future Earth. At that point in time humans were using energy weapons, with projectile weapons no more than a historical footnote. Anyway, the aliens had force fields that were impenetrable by the energy weapons.

Eventually, someone discovered that solid matter passed right through the forcefields and the humans fought back with bows and arrows (and other rudimentary medieval weaponry).

This 'invention' that "can block electromagnetic waves but that allows the passage of other entities" sounds the same. Now if only I could remember the name of the book....

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Paris Hilton

Rage on Harry Potter all you want.

I will marry the actress who plays Luna Lovegood.

You have my word.

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Silver badge

Bah!

Seems to me you could get much the same effect today at a fraction of the cost with a mylar curtain.

Where do I go to pick up my Nobel prize?

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Pint

"the tiresome adolescent wizard"

From tiresome little adolescent wizards, mighty git-wizards grow. So now we know where they come from.

Also, a girl's toilet and a "secret passage" that can only be opened by someone who knows how to "converse" with "snakes"? Are they kidding us? Holy crap, Freud just churned up out of his grave like a high speed revolving drillbit! Now I've gotta go and bury him again, thanks a bunch!

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Silver badge

Sounds not like a cloak but as a shield

Which should make all boffins working on directed energy weapons scratch their heads and take notice.

I can imagine an Empire Strikes Back-type battlefield where there are batteries of ray-guns and laser cannons on one side firing at slowly advancing line of knights in shining EM armour on another.

Also, imagine an ISS commander saying "Shields up!" as the station is about to pass over China? Classic.

@hugh: They do what they must because they can.

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Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Snake oil?

So what these guys did was read information already available about metamaterials, do some math (already developed by others) and arrive at this theoretical metamaterial...

I could have done that for half the money, or at least I know some guy to whom I could outsource the hard parts. :)

Paris, because she would do it for free

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Boffin

Interesting

They've designed a clever hole in a wall such that electromagnetic waves (within a certain range of frequencies) cannot pass through it. It isn't obvious what the hole will look like - I doubt it will act as a planar mirror. They also don't mention how large the hole can be (10cm in their diagrams) or if that affects the frequencies reflected. The presence of an object within the hole will probably break the effect.

Note that it requires a wall, so it can't be used as a cloak or all-around shield. A high-intensity laser fired directly into the hole might damage the metamaterial enough to make it fail.

@Andy 73:

Metamaterials are a class of artificial but very real materials with unusual properties. The one they're using has been synthesized and experimented upon already.

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@ Doc Spock

I believe that device was used in The Forever War (Joe Haldeman) but not on Earth. IIRC they were doing the testudo thing with some sort of dampening field generator and getting stabby from the inside, then the aliens cottoned on and went all Hastings on their arse. Or something.

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Boffin

Multiple practical uses

1 - Fire on command weapon, where you have a small EM generator (laser/uW), accumulating energy between 2 mirrors, and when ready to shot, open one of them.

2 - Modulator for powerful EM beams ( such as used in communications )

3 - Shutter/dimmer for spectacular lights, just found a way to stop that 5kw without powering down the bulb. At last will be able to use cheap arc bulbs.

4 - Sun shades for the windows (if made big enough).

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Thumb Down

Astounding!

The appear to be on the verge of something that reflects electromagnetic energy even light! (If they can the it right)

That'd be a mirror then would it?

Has anyone got their number? I better tell them I've got half a dozen of these things in various shapes and sizes around my house. My wife even has a protable one in her purse!

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Alien

@ Doc Spock

I think you'll find the origins go back a lot farther the Joe Haldeman- if you go back to EE 'Doc' Smith (not EE Tookietookie, as is commonly held), you'll find a fellow named Peter van Buskirk who in an era of energy weapons and force fields, found that a simple fireman's axe (Why the Hell they had a fireman's axe on a spaceship is truly beyond my ken) did the job against the murderous alien brutes. Within a few pages or a few volumes, van Buskirk's buddies were suitably armed with chromium axes of marvelous design, and the Space Marines were launched. I think the Anime boys have taken over all of these stories now.

Bring me the head of Alien the Baptist

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Alert

@Doc Spock

You're describing the Hood's Army trilogy, a future take on Robin Hood that ended up with them on a Starship called The White Swan, floating in Jupiter's atmosphere trying to retake Earth.

I've been trying to find it again for years, but it's sadly out of print.

Shame - it's probably rubbish reading it these days, but it was part of my childhood.

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