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Tesco started selling a new range of Durex Extra Large condoms today, in what it insists is a response to surging consumer demand. Tesco's healthcare buyer claimed that customer research had show there was "growing demand for an extra large condom" with the store apparently receiving 200 calls last year from customers demanding …

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Anonymous Coward

Width is a linear measurement

Width can only mean diameter. If it's not, they're liars or idiots.

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Anonymous Coward

a token size change

seems to be nothing more than a token size change, given the fact that latex is stretchy and all.

I think these will sell best to men who'd like to impress a woman with the label saying "EXTRA LARGE"

/me chuckling as I write this.

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Paris Hilton

Head issues

Does this mean I can finally fit one over my whole head?

Paris, because she'd never make me use one...

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Anonymous Coward

YEY!!!!

You obviously have never had to wear condoms that are tight an uncomfortable.

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Jobs Horns

sizeTard premium

it's creaming off extra money (presumabily XL are dearer) from people who need to show off.

Just like AppleTards...

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Joke

Wouldn't you know

I guess I shouldn't have been ignoring all those enlarge your johnson emails.

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Propaganda

Looks to me like propaganda by the UK government, to lift the people's spirits in bad times.

We foreigners all know the truth about Anglo-Saxons, but a bit of lying never hurts. (Julius Caesar described the Brits as weeny, weedy and weaky.)

Remember the old story from the Cold War between the Russians and the USA. The Russians claim to have run out of supplies of their standard sized condoms, then they order a huge consignment of XXL condoms from the USA. The USA supplies them, but every pack is marked "small".

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Woot

We Can make bigger Cone Heads!!

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Black Helicopters

WMD

"And if keeping up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough, what will British customers say when they realise that US customers already have the opportunity to buy Durex XXL size rubbers - designed to be '20 per cent large than standard condoms'."

The US have had these XXL 'Johnies' since Vietnam when they were reportedly shipped to the troops large numbers and deliberately allowed to 'fall into enemy hands'. The thinking was that the already generally lesser endowed Asian locals, seeing the size of the US rubbers would quake in fear of the size of their 'weapons of massive destruction'.

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Joke

Trouser snake

And for the unlucky they will be bringing out 3/4 length....

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Alert

Dimension?

"Though again, there's no indication as to exactly what dimension we're talking about here."

More often than not, I imagine the dimension to be either depth of inferiority complex or height of ego.

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Welcome

Reminds me

.. of the old story about British troops using them to protect their machine guns in norway during WWII.

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Paris Hilton

Too little too late...

See title.

Paris because it would be like throwing a hotdog down a corridor.

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Paris Hilton

Finally

An end to my split condom nightmare.

I can roger the mistress in the happy knowledge that my new condom will not rupture like the old "standard" type.

Happy days !

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IT Angle

IT

Don't get me wrong as an enormously schlung IT type this story is right up my street. It's great that there is one place where i can get both news about IT and condoms for the well endowed. I was saying only the other day that i wished there was a place that could satisfy my IT news and my need for enormous penis updates.

but for the rest of you, what exactly is the IT angel?

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Stop

Just look at your shoe size!

"And if keeping up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough, what will British customers say when they realise that US customers already have the opportunity to buy Durex XXL size rubbers - designed to be "20 per cent large than standard condoms".

Odd, my shoe size in UK is 10, in EU its 44 and in US11.5

So who is doing the exaggerating here?

Not us Brits exactly. So our XL is probably bigger than the American XXL. . .

BTW, a size 10 is of course as everyone knows 1.1786 Linguine in standard measurements

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Pint

Yeah, right

During the 1960s, the astonauts had to have rubber accoutrements to retain urine bags (In Space, no one can hear you pee, but it buggers up all the equipment). They were issued in 3 sizes - extra large, huge & enormous. If they couldn't win the space race, they were certainly going to win the dick swinging contest.

Bearing in mind that you can take a standard size lettre francais and put it over your head, anyone that thinks they need an extra large durex is fooling no-one but themselves.

Perhaps all of the 200 callers were Australian and Tescos didn't realise? (Durex is a popular brand of sticky tape downunder.) G'day miss, can I have a 50 metre roll of Durex?

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Pev
Coat

At long last....

... I am getting tired of rolling my own using clingfilm and sellotape.

Mine's the dirty brown mac by the lav door.

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Heart

About time!

Whilst I'm sure there are plenty of people who would consider it a nice problem to have, those of us who are above the curve when it comes to girth do have serious issues with the 'standard' sizes of condoms available. About damn time they god a larger range on the shelves!

Anon to avoid accusations of bragging.

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Boffin

Valid question

Does this have to do with the rise in immigration?

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Megaphone

Bragging

Those who feel the need to brag and buy these, are usually the people who are lacking in the length department.

Says me with the size ten feet.

/smug

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Black Helicopters

@Propaganda

Cold war, huh.

Wasn't it Churchill in WWII who suggested sending 'large' marked 'medium'?

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Joke

How to make them even better!

"Bluetooth, cause everythings better with bluetooth!" lol

Just came to mind for some absurd warped reason.....

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Bronze badge
Coat

Wowzer!

OK, see a nice chick in a supermarket, make sure you're behind her in the queue, and slam a couple of packs of them XXL nodders on the conveyor. Make sure she sees. Helps, natch, if you've re'membered' to stick a pair of rolled up socks doon yer troos. (not at the back, EPIC FAIL!)

Of course, we all know what they say about men with big feet.

Big shoes.

(OK, everyday's Friday for me-on-the-dole). I'll get another coat from the Sally Army. Once I've collected enough bottles to recycle.

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Alert

Trojan has had XL in the US for a long time

...and it is MUCH nicer if you have to wear one of these silly things at all, if it actually fits instead of, well, let's say, cramping your style.

FYI, my shoe size is 15. (not kidding)

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Flame

Stretching the point

Finally, an answer to those of us with huge (and I mean, truly ginormous) willies.

But:

Surely we need our pride underlined with a little more va-va-voom than than "Durex XL size", a typically restrained and British christening? Is it a condom or a power tool?

If I'm going to metaphorically wave my priapric superiority about (can't afford the Porsche), then I want to be ordering the "Maximus 2000 GirthMaster Extreme" over the counter at Boots. That's sure to impress.

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Coat

And if keeping up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough

Think you meant "and if keeping it up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough"?

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Anonymous Coward

pah

Latex maybe "stretchy and all" .. but anyone whose had a numb f'k cos the blood is all but cut off by regular sizes will welcome this.

I'll still get mine mail order though thanks ...

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Anonymous Coward

Immigration

Bloody foreigners, coming over here with their big dangly bits, dangling them all about for the women to gorp at all day long when they should be getting on with sewing, cooking and cleaning, etc.

Or is this an unforseen side effect of all those spam emails offering enlargements? Oh, that's the IT angle on this story, obviously.

I use a tarpaulin from an old lorry meself... eh, eh? Awright son, stay lucky.

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Joke

Hur Hur

I'm quite old so had to check the size of 205mm in real money so I could tell if I "measured up" so to speak, found a nice widget for my iGoogle and it turns out that 205 mm is actually 0.04076 of a rod!

Seriously, 205mm turns out to be just a shade over 8", I must update my online dating profiles, I've been putting my size down as "avaerge" all these years, turns out I am XXXL!

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Happy

Its all about

proudly slamming them down on the counter at checkout and then saying something along the lines of "still snug, but workable" to the hot checkout girl ;)

And, like the above poster already said, regular ones are a bit too snug for comfort.

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Coffee/keyboard

@Too little too late...

Friend of mine described a previous boyfriend - with a particularly small penis - thus:

"It was like waving a pencil in the Albert Hall"

Priceless!!!

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@Antony 2

There's a party trick practised by some (not me) where the person puts a condom over his head so his nose is inside, then inflates it to bursting point by inhaling through his mouth and out through his nose. Not sure how many pints you need to imbime before trying it though.

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Silver badge

Reminds me

...of the Mike Harding ditty "Albert And The Condom".

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IT Angle

Condoms in the Cold War

There was a joke going around back in the Cold War:

In an attempted propaganda move, the Soviet Government place an order for a large quantity of condoms with an American manufacturer. The specified dimensions were considerably larger than the average male anatomy. In a brilliant counter move, the manufacturer filled the order but stamped them "Medium".

Cheers,

Art Smith

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Stop

@AC post 2

"I think these will sell best to men who'd like to impress a woman with the label saying "EXTRA LARGE""

Er... isn't the woman in question going to spot the amount of exaggeration going on at a certain obvious moment? At which point the dastardly fibber is going to be out on his ear.

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Alert

So...

This raises a few serious questions:

1: Are we to believe the possibility that penis enalrgement pills really work?

2: Some schmucks actually bought them?

If yes and yes, then it's nice to know that someone is benefiting!

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Paris Hilton

@Andus re:too little too late

Surely it would have been better for her to say:

"It was like waving a pencil in a drain pipe"

To say his pencil pecker didn't touch the sides of her Albert Hall sized cavity doesn't put her in too good a light...

As for all those bragger comments...having lived in Hong Kong and used their condoms...it doesn't matter how much they stretch, if they cut off the circulation then it don't stay hard...

Must say i preferred the XL durex when they were out years ago...not sure why they went off the market though...

Paris...cos she has had more visitors than the Albert Hall (Allegedly)...

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Anonymous Coward

"surging consumer demand"

fnar, fnar.

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pricks

I'm guessing that all it means is that there's just more big pricks in the UK than there used to be. My observation is that most of these pricks somehow got elected last time around.

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Joke

Ancient joke

Where do they put the best before date on a condom?

Dunno.

Well, you must not roll them back as far as I do ...

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Boffin

Less sniggering like schoolboys, please

Condoms are serious business as they can make the difference between having an unwanted child and not, and between life and death.

Being a perv who likes boy-boy sex, I've probably seen more erect willies than most of the commentators above, and can assure everyone that penises do indeed come in a wide range of sizes. When I was a young lad, the urban folklore was that the erect penis varied less in size than any other body part, but experience has shown that assertion to be complete and utter nonsense.

There are little ones, very little ones, very, very little ones, and big, bigger, biggest, gigantic, and humongous ones. Plus a good many that are merely "average".

Having the right size condom is important: too loose, and they're prone to slipping off. Too tight, and they're uncomfortable and more prone to splitting. There are sex educators who demonstrate how stretchy condoms are by putting one over the crown of their head, but whenever I've seen this demonstrated, it's always been a woman who lacks the first hand experience to know that a tight condom is an uncomfortable condom.

As for available sizes, to quote the infamous Wikipedia on the topic "Magnum (condoms)":

"Most standard condoms are designed to fit erections of up to 7.25 inches in length and 1.375 inches in diameter. Magnums are made to fit penises 8 inches long and 1.5 inches in diameter. ... Trojan later introduced the Magnum XL, for erections 9 inches long and 1.75 inches in diameter, 30% larger than standard condoms."

For those at the smaller end of the size range, some Japanese brands are distinctly narrower.

So lads, go buy small packs of several sizes and try them out to find out which fits best. Snug without squeezing is perhaps the best description of what you want. Remember when donning your rubber johnny to unroll it a turn or two first so as to allow space for collecting your essential bodily fluids without leakage, backup, or bursting. Putting a drop of liquid silicone lube inside the tip will improve comfort considerably, even with pre-lubed condoms.

What peeves me is that condom manufacturers are notably shy about stating the size of the goods on the package in objective terms, such as those given in the aforereferenced Wikipedia article.

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Paris Hilton

Only boys care how big

Just let me say that as a female and therefore on the receiving end of various size 'bits',

bigger is not better, sometimes bigger is painful

as I've said before anything over about 4inches is wasted.

Unless you're gay....................................

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Thumb Up

Re: And if keeping up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough

"Think you meant "and if keeping it up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough"?"

Surely that should be 'and if keeping it up the Joneses wasn't hard enough'. (Of course I refer to the delectable Jones twins I had the pleasure of going to college with.)

And in my own personal experience I've found that US condoms are generally smaller than the regular British ones, and have happily purchased XL hats during my travels across the pond.

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Alert

ever tried BigBoy brand....

they really wernt very big!

unless you were of oriental descent....

even Durex XL's are rather tight TBH ;p

i may not be long but i make up for it in girth :D

the viagra does help keep the presure up, but boy the headaches are a nightmare.

and if she complains in the morning about being utterly knackered, sore(down there) and having a early .! well good result for the night i say :)

least she knows she's experienced multiple orgasms and cannot complain about me shirking off my maritial duties to her in the bedroom dept.

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At the checkout

Will there be a big flashing light at the checkout when the barcode for XXL sneaks by?

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@AC 13:21

"Width can only mean diameter."

Could be half the circumference. Put it flat on a table before measuring. Regardless, 1mm isn't going to make much of a difference ... I'm willing to bet that in a "double blind test" neither partner would be able to tell which is which.

"If it's not, they're liars or idiots."

Well, yes, and probably both. It IS all about marketing, after all.

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Leeches

Back in my flying days, long time ago, jungle survival packs fitted to ejector seats included condoms. Their official use was to keep leeches out of one's todger while trying to find the way home.

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Silver badge
FAIL

@ Michael O'Malley

"We foreigners all know the truth about Anglo-Saxons, but a bit of lying never hurts. (Julius Caesar described the Brits as weeny, weedy and weaky.)"

If J Caesar was commenting on the Britons of his period he was more likely to be talking about Britons of Celtic origin as the Anglo-Saxons didn't arrive on British shores until quite a few centuries later. He couldn't abide bad Latin puns either.

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