Dear ISP Customer
"You are seeing this page because your Internet service has been temporarily suspended due to the presence of malware on one or more computers at your location. This malware is using your computer to send illegal junk email over your Internet connection. To remedy this problem, please download and install our antivirus software, available [here]. You will need to install this software on every computer that uses your Internet connection.
The antivirus software will run once to remove the malware from your computer. Once the malware has been cleared, your Internet service will be automatically restored. Once this is done, we urge you to install an antivirus package on all computers using your Internet service to prevent a recurrence of this problem. You will not be billed for the time your service is offline.
Thank you for helping to make the Internet malware-free, and we apologise for any inconvenience this issue may have caused.
Well, I can dream, can't I?