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back to article Boffin calculates cash value of memories

Some people may consider memories to be priceless, but one British boffin has devised a way to place a precise Sterling value on every reminiscence. Dr David Lewis, a self-styled "neuromarketing pioneer", has come up with the following formula, which factors in a memory's perceived importance, the kind of memory it is, how …

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Ho hum ...

.. another of those stupid bits of industry funded "research" non-stories that are, actually just "bad science".

Yawn -Why on earth is The Register bothering with this crap?

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Anonymous Coward

not much of a formula

if all of the different personalities are represented by an arbitrarily assigned value, presumably memory type is also a similarly arbitrary value. It's almost as if the amount produced is completely meaningless!

As it happens i don't fall into any of the personality types listed, so i got a divide by zero error, does this mean my memories are worthless, priceless, or just a bit odd?

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gimme the money

A few pennies for your thoughts then?

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Silver badge

... based on a survey ...

says it all really.

This guy has come up with a precise formula, giving 3 or 4-digit accuracy based on whimsy, rumour wishes, lies and mistaken assumptions - brilliant!

No wonder people would be willing to sell their intangible, ill-remembered, possibly planted or false memories for wonga - all you;ve got to do is find the next sucker.

P.S. I'm thinking of putting last night's dream up on eBay - any takers? Starting price £0.99, plus £25.00 p&p.

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Headmaster

aside from the insidious marketing angle...

I'm suprised the device doesn't keep slipping off the subjects head due to the copious amounts of snake oil spueing from the professors every orrifice

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WTF?

"Dr Lewis"

Brilliant! Now, how much does my fake memories involving Angelina Jolie are worth?

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Unhappy

Naughty calendar = $$$

Who would have thought the memory of a naughty calendar could be worth something? Spreadsheet doesn't seem to work though...

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Dead Vulture

Bah humbug

If there's one thing I hate, it's the journalistic regurgitation of pseudo-scientific press releases, especially ones that claim a mathematical 'formula' for a human characteristic.

Tenuous claim + tenuous link + lazy hacks = easy publicity, every damn time.

Panasonic can stick their Blu-ray players up their corporate bum.

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Coat

Genuinely priceless memories

- watching Thatcher leave Downing st crying

- watching Blair leave Downing st, sadly not crying

Best of all (although sadly the memory of a very vivid dream rather than yer pukka reality):

- Shagging Helen Mirren in zero G after watching 2010 at the cinema a couple more times than was strictly healthy

Mines the one with "A beginner guide to getting out more" in the pocket.

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FAIL

Loadsamoney

I have one particular memory which has 0.63095734448019324943436013662234 related memories. Would anyone like to buy it?

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FAIL

Where can I buy some?

I was hoping to spend some money and get a working memory - no such luck!

IQ of one hundred and seventy-something, but I can't remember what I was doing last week.

I've worked in a group of 24 people for the last 7 or 8 years and I still couldn't tell you most of them's first name - let alone surname!

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Anonymous Coward

Memories with negative value

The formula doesn't seem to cover the case of memories with negative value. I would pay cash to have my brain purged of some painful and embarrassing things.

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Paris Hilton

Cannabis

Would you end up with a net profit or loss when you smoke cannabis?

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Pint

First kiss

I'm pretty sure it cost me only the price of a bottle of strong cider to lose the memory of my first kiss...

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Coat

Now then........

...... Total Recall or Ghost in the Shell?

Total Recall:

Melina: "I can't believe it, it's like a dream. What's wrong? "

Douglas Quaid: "I just had a terrible thought: what if this is a dream?"

Melina: "Well then kiss me quick before you wake up. "

Ghost in the Shell:

Batu: "That's all it is. Information. Even a simulated experience or a dream is a simultaneous reality and fantasy. Any way you look at it, all the information that a person accumulates in a lifetime is just a drop in the bucket."

Mines the one expecting a copy of Ghost in the Shell Redux in October.

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Pint

I can't even remember...

...half that stuff. Just gimmie my fucking money!

...or maybe they already did, then bought the memory of paying me... BASTARDS!

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Obviously wrong formula

It should evaluate to zero for false memories, and I can't see how it does.

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Thumb Up

Who wouldnt?

"It also noted that 51 per cent of men and over 33 per cent of women would sell off memories for hard cash."

Who wouldn't?

1) Sell memories of wedding for £6 million (3 million each)

2) Have new big extravagant wedding for substantially less than £6 million (cant remember the first one any more, so the new one will be just as good, memory-wise)

3) Pocket £5,950,000 ish.

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Dead Vulture

Why?

Why does El reg keep playing in to hands of the filthy marketeers by printing their private company funded research press releases?

These are not news stories, they are adverts.

Ok, so it's for tech hardware, but why not just write a review of said kit?

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Pint

Priceless ...

It is still Friday isn't it?

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Bad Memories

I have lots of bad memories that I wouldn't mind loosing, can I sell them to DARPA who will turn them into some type of weapon of mass depression.

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Memory Value

I got run over by a car once, according to website that makes it priceless.

If I get run over again, the memory will only be worth £3,070,520.

I'd better be careful when I cross the road.

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(Written by Reg staff)

@Random Noise

I think if we played stories like this straight, you'd have a point. We don't, so you don't.

I draw your attention to the later paragraphs in the story...

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Anonymous Coward

They're worse than you think

The marketing dept draw up the formula and then try to find a 'scientist' to 'invent' it.

They tend to do the rounds for a few months before somebody is desperate enough for the cash to let them use their name.

On the bright side, the cash the marketing dept pays usually helps some real research - generally in a totally unrelated area.

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Pint

@Tony Smith

"I think if we played stories like this straight, you'd have a point. We don't, so you don't.

I draw your attention to the later paragraphs in the story..."

Fair point, I just thought that if you didn't print the 'silly formula' stories at all it might go some way toward stopping PR companies from coming out with such nonsense.

Anything that makes science reporting more credible has to be a good thing.

Anyway it's Friday night so have a beer on me :)

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Oh Yes

<- watching Thatcher leave Downing st crying>

Put it on Fleabay and theres a tenner of my money coming your way :)

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Go

The Man is a genuis!!!!

"in response to increasing interest, on the part of his clients, in the use of scientific research projects as a route into the media"

So basically his job title is "think up sciency sounding things to be proved-by-survey in order to draw attention to how awsome a paying customer is"

(*cough* minus the "paying customer" bit = undergrad project *cough*)

Less hard work than being a proper writer, slightly less degrading than the joss stick and whalesong brigade, more money than being a lab tech.... Genius!!!!!1

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lawsuit

"the Lewis Formula puts the value of the average family Christmas at £542, a wedding at £3 million and a first kiss at just under £23,000."

How would most people put the memory of their first kiss onto a disc? There's laws against filming kids kissing, in private, in the dark, whilst playing doctors and nurses.

And not to be too pedantic.. that's worth considerably more than £23,000.

As for weddings.. is that to remember or to forget them?

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MrT
Bronze badge

Makes Amazon's prices seem cheap...

So, Henry Allingham's excellent book 'Kitchener's Last Volunteer', or Harry Patch's 'The Last Tommy', or the story of the first tank divisions in 'Band of Brigands' should be worth a darn sight more than the £5 or so that Amazon is charging for each...

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Bronze badge

Hmm.

I wonder how much my free downloaded porn collection is worth.

Nothing? Geeze, that's a surprise...

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