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back to article Whining serial commentard bemoans Reg bullying

It appears serial commentard Aaron Kempf doesn't much like the taste of his own bitter medicine, and has written to "request that you do not harrass [sic] me online". It was a crisp October morn last year when Kempf savagely laid into Reg hack Chris "Fucking pansy" Williams with a couple of unholy turdspurts about this piece on …

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Aaron Kempf

Am I still allowed to harass Aaron Kempf online? I think we need a database here to keep track of what people can and cannot do to Aaron Kempf.

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Grenade

Loser

Never heard of this Mein Kampf fella.

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Grenade

Aw leave the poor boy alone

Too bad. I guess jokes about Palin's database would be out of line here? No???? OK!

Q: How do you tell that Sarah Palin has filled her intellectual database?

A: She quits working.

Oh the hand grenade is for the winey b#$%$.

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Pint

Hmmm...

He's off to a good start with multiple bangs and the f-word, and the paranoia and ethnic slurs look quite flamy.

But the quality of the flame quickly drops off after that. Where are the ALL CAPS, spleling eros, etc.? This smut is not worth more than, oh, 3 flames out of 6. And that's me being generous. He needs quite a bit of training before he can count himself one of the truly great flamers of today.

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Coffee/keyboard

Unholy turdspurt

If Aaron Kempf loves databases so much why doesn't he go live there?

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K
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el-reg = el-kitty??

Meow.. get those claws into him.. nice :)

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Typical Troll-tard

So it amounts to "I can say what I want about anybody but nobody can say anything bad about me."

Fucking pansy. What's he afraid of?

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Anonymous Coward

I think we should start a Kampf database

We can track his moves across the interspazz and use it to warn other users.

Of course, as he's not scared of databases he won't mind at all that every time he pops up on a website 50 Reg commentards start to bombard him with messages...

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Linux

A Title is Required Here

"No wonder you guys are no longer a super-power. Super-Powers aren't scared of a fucking database."

El Reg still has Super Powers if you ask me ;)

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Happy

RE: Aaron Kempf

".....what people can and cannot do to Aaron Kempf." By the looks of things, some people have already been committing mucho, mucho abusive acts on Mr Kempf.

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I'm not scared of databases...

Unless it's used to keep in velociraptors.

-dZ.

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FAIL

This guy...

...makes me laugh - what a complete goon!! Aaron, if you're reading this, get a life, and stop being a gomper - seriously, you're just making yourself sound like a complete and utter tool!

Aaron = FAIL!

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Badgers

Unfortunately,

I, for one, will be unable to forget about Aaron, he springs to mind every time I fiddle with one of those death-dealing databases, That's the only problem with the intertubes, it all too readily turns an eejit like Kempf into a deathless meme.

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Troll

You can harass me if you like

It would validate my otherwise pathetic existence.

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Megaphone

Who the *uck is Aaron Kempf

enough said!

Shouty Shouty because the empty can makes the most noise

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Bronze badge

Databases can be very scary

I don't know. I've seen some monsters in my time - DBs designed to reflect the previous flat-file system with one table per flatfile and all columns in text (now probably unicode to allow for Chinese names of cows or some such thing). To top it off it was forbidden to make any structural changes because it would make front-end app would cry. New indexes were also, for some reason, not allowed.

Then being asked to make the datawarehouse-esque query run with as little impact on the DB-server as possible.

I would like to officially end this thread by noting the similarity of the aforementioned flamer with the title of a work by a mister A. Hitler from 1925.

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ROFL

That is all.

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'Tards

I, for one, have added Kempf to my database of f*ckwitts...

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Z 1
Heart

Bloody idiot

Give him what for, Lester!

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FAIL

hee hee

what's he worried about? Surely he has nothing to hide, after all it's only a bit of text in a database displayed on a pc....<Grin>

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FAIL

Online Harressment

By his own fair hand it looks like Aaron admits to doing a bit of Harrassment himself.

From The Reg comments

[Quote]

"re: Yes, you can be arreseted for threatening to kill people #

By Aaron Kempf Posted Friday 1st August 2008 14:40 GMT

I know that you _CAN_ be arrested for threatening people.

I just think that it is consistently overplayed.

I got arrested for threatening someone on UseNet last summer.

I think that it's the biggest scam ever.

To think-- that some dude would take this fruitcake seriously-- is beyond belief"

[/Quote]

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I'm not going to harass him

but I have put him in my database. Shouldn't be a problem, though, eh? I'm not a Muslim.

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Grenade

contact deets

If the answer to Craig 12's question is "yes", can we have contact deets? I have some pent-up frustration and 4chan is down >.<

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Black Helicopters

Wow

I've just been having a little look on Google for "Aaron Kempf" and, it must be said, the results are hilarious. Aaron, you can't have it both ways mate, if you're going to abuse people, expect to get some abuse in return.

I hereby request that El Reg continues to harass Aaron Kempf online as much as possible. Preferably with a massive database. Run away, Aaron! The databases are coming! The databases are coming!

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Troll

mein kempf?

I'm not sure a public response to a public statement, in a way that he'd only find if he went to the public place is harassment.

Clearly he's a figure of riducule not ire and while a more mature (I said more, not outright, though I'm sure we all wind people up for a laugh occasionally) troll would accept their fate, when banned or turned round most trolls whine. He's just trying, pathetically to turn it into the reg being the big bully, when he's clearly just upset it went wrong.

I found the last article on him losing it veryamusing.

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Coat

beer time

Really .. his foul mouth needs a good squirt of toilet cleaner and brush.

We should be allowed to harass him online till his Mother tells us he's learned

his lesson. Meanwhile .. im going for a few cold ones.

Ric

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Happy

Can we not start a tracking site?

You know for the databases to keep track of him...

The following are available...

aaronkempf.com

aaronkempf.co.uk

aaronkempf.net

aaronkempf.eu

aaronkempf.biz

aaronkempf.info

aaronkempf.me.uk

aaronkempf.org.uk

aaronkempf.org

aaronkempf.mobi

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FAIL

See that little box up there?

The one marked 'Post anonymously'?

Anonymous means that people won't know your name; you can write what you want without fear of reprisals or online harassment.

You'd have to be a complete moron to use your own name when viciously flaming people.

That or a total Kempf-head.

FAIL. For the obvious reasons.

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FAIL

LMAO

"I'd rather have a woman than a Muslim"

Ergo, there are no female Muslims. LMFAO.

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Megaphone

Now then...

...about Webster Phreaky and his Kool Aid.

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Usenet

This little knobstretch is a regular poster in a number of usenet groups and other forums that I frequent. Generally he posts the same abusive response, slightly reworded, to anyone who expresses an opinion that does not agree with his own.

He's an idiot who loves to get a reaction and is best just ignored.

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big tool

I think Mr Grease Monkey has it about right. Mr Kempf is found guilty of massive toolness.

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Linux

More Title Loveliness

Just Google Him, he's a complete knob :

http://www.tech-archive.net/Archive/DotNet/microsoft.public.dotnet.languages.vb/2007-01/msg02607.html

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Pint

Phobias

Fear of Databases ?

What about a Database of Fears ?

http://www.online-hypnotherapist.com/phobias_list.php?by=name

According to AK, I guess El Reg has something I will christen (and trademark - you have been warned) "essqueuellophobia".

Pints all round for the Reg crew. Mine's a bitter.

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What do you expect?

Not encountered his posts before, but judging by this article he's an American and a Republican.

In other words, he's the worst kind of idiot.

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FAIL

He Never Said...

...not to harass him offline, but then he does seem to have his own definition for the word "harrass".

Let's get that database up and running, preferably using distributed open-source community-supported cloudware, then use it to capture, user-tag and geo-locate everything he ever does so a world-wide community, connected using viral marketeering, can share the workload (via aggregated Twitter, Podcasts and Wikiforums) to universally "HarRass" him, simultaneously incentivizing the maintenance of optimum efficiency and thus generating the smallest carbon footprint possible to deliver a dynamic example of just how green an integrated harassment mashup policy can be using Internetworked HarRassment 2.0.

...

Oh god, I think I just threw up.

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Joke

Meme

Incident Report

Priority: 1 (affecting all users)

Subject: Getting spurious errors

Cause: Database is kempfed

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Grenade

The Fucktard of the Year Award Goes to..... Aaron Kempf

Hehehe, Aaron Kempf is an anagram of Prank Me Oaf..... from his comments, he sounds like a fucking stupid oaf. The most stupider of stupid oafs on the interweb, quite possibly.

I think El Reg should start selling Aaron Kempf t-shirts, proclaiming, "the Databases are Coming, the Databases are Coming!!!" or "Databases Never Hurt Nobody" (does that double-negative mean that they did hurt somebody if they didn't 'hurt nobody'...?).

This time next year, Rodney, we'll be millionaires!

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Coat

He won't be happy...

I get the impression he'll go away once his precious databases come in the inflatable, wide mouthed and astonished looking variety!

I wanna harrass him all over interwebs to the point at which he stontaenously combusts because with all those flames...

Mine's the one with "Medical Treatments For Acute SQL Posioning" in the pocket

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Coffee/keyboard

Looks like a angry fellow...

After a google search seems like a very angry fellow ...looks like one too:

http://www.linkedin.com/in/aaronkempf

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Stop

On Aaron Kempf

Anyone who thinks that he can spout the garbage he's spewed needs a lesson, and repeatedly. Nothing Kempf has said so far has sounded anything like an apology, or even the recognition that's he's capable of acting like a halfway decent human being.

Reap what you sow indeed. Try putting something nice into the world and see what you get back, sir.

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Silver badge

The Problem is Obvious

A quick run through some of the Google hits and it's obvious. He's running a corrupt[*] version of SQL server and it's fried his brain. Perhaps he should switch to MySQL?

He certainly has an interesting view on the world and it's kept me entertained this Friday lunchtime.

[*] is this word redundant?

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Troll

He's already on a database.

Just google the fuktard and you'll see his general attitude is that of a trolltard.

Most of his answers are basically that of just calling someone names rather than an actual debate or exchange of information (any bets he's a foxnews viewer?)

And most of his answers are that of someone who's been educated via the back of a cerial box.

Anyway I hope El Reg continues to post any response's from people like this, as they tend to be cowards who only carry on in this way if they think they have some sort of support but will usually go away crying if someone stands up to them - as case in point.

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Coffee/keyboard

Thank you, thank you, thank you

It's Friday, I've got my father's day Ska cd's on full blast, and you give me this.

Heaven.

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Rob
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Go

Don't be too harsh on him

We don't want him to disappear from the web otherwise the rest of us wouldn't have someone to bait and tease when we're bored.

I for one can't stand cruelty to animals so when a turdtard like this appears it's obviously for the rest of our amusement, you've got to give some people a purpose otherwise they are a drain on humanity by not contributing anything, he falls nicely into this category.

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Godwin's Law in action

And only 5 comments in. Impressive!

"I would like to officially end this thread by noting the similarity of the aforementioned flamer with the title of a work by a mister A. Hitler from 1925."

Back on topic, Mr. Kempf: If you can't take it, don't give it!

I will add my request to the others for his contact details, so we can further extract the urine without clogging up el Reg's database.... I mean comments section.

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FAIL

Oh dear...

Clearly his commentardedness isn't confined to just the reg...

http://www.cnet.com/8705-4_1-0.html?username=Aaron+Kempf

http://www.excelforum.com/1022439-post13.html

This guy actually has a job?

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Happy

Favourite Rant

Of the rants I've found so far the one below contains an utter gem from Aaron, and one I find very tempting:

"GAG ME WITH A SPOON"

from

http://www.excelforum.com/excel-general/384823-the-best-elegant-solution-to-override-65k-rows-limit-in-a-sheet.html

I wonder if he's managed to find another job yet after his little '10mbit router issue'

http://www.tech-archive.net/Archive/DotNet/microsoft.public.dotnet.languages.vb/2007-01/msg02129.html

Given employers preference for a quick google I doubt anyone would take the risk!!

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AC 10:48

LinkedIn - nuff said?

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Nice...

Thanks to this article... if I ever want to get my name in a headline I now know exactly what to do. ;)

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