Fans of the finer points of women's tennis are today mourning the loss of Romanian racket-botherer Simona Halep's DD chesticles - cut down in their prime by the surgeon's knife. As diehard aficionados of bouncy Centre Court action will recall, 17-year-old Ms Halep recently said of her assets: "This fall I'll have a breast …
'Tis a shame - and think of the lost potential...
Put her in a mixed doubles and watch the oposition crumble at the sight of those gazombas beating time - she'd be serving aces all afternoon.
Paris because she knows where her assets lie.
/off to Google 'sports bra'; it's Friday evening after all
When I was an MS database administrator, we didn't need breast reduction to make the world a better place. Tell you what, those Romanian tennis pussies would be straight up against the wall if I was Fidel Castro. Pussies.
Better of acting as Lara Croft!
She's the perfect real life model to match just about any female computer game character :)
OMG I cant believe you tricked me into watching tennis :(
"Fans of the finer Points"?
@Mein Kempf, I like what you did there ;o)
Is it a crime...
...to look at a 17 year olds boobies?
For God's sake think of the chidren!!!
Mines the slightly grubby one with the copy of H&E in the pocket.
All breast ops should be stopped
that said, whatever. She's taken the amazon option of stunting breast growth in order to kick more arse. Long may she kick it and playmobil please.
Boxer shorts at half mast!
The guy taping this held up the video camera for 5 minutes. Talk about endurance when faced with meat puppies...
Funbags are a GO!
don't know why this is allowed
it's clearly a surgery, being performed purely to enhance her ability to play tennis. chemicals that improve your performance are banned in teh game, so surgeries that achieve the same end should be too.
If you have a physical limitation that prevents you from playing tennis to a world class level, perhaps its time for a career change rather than surgery, after all it's only a game!
my general unfitness and lack of skill prevent me from being a world class tennis player too, can i get a prescription for steroids to correct that?
insert sobbing here
insert more sobbing here
Why oh why have thou forsaken me?
I can never watch tennis again :( *not that I did much of it in the first place*
/Lowers the towel to half mast.
10 year later
when her career doesnt improve, and she ends up on the streets, she will wish that
she had kept them. Now she'll never get a job dancing at a reputable stripclub.
I'm surprised she didn't get it done sooner, even to prevent future back problems.
If she's that dedicated to tennis, I hope she does well. I personally wouldn't get cosmetic surgery for my job.
I think the best analogous reference is one a friend of mine made from a 'poison elves' comic... lung hammers.
AC @ 18:34 GMT
Well I will be competing in the high jump at the next Olympics or, as the event will be known after the surgery "The AC steps over a bar with his 6 meter long legs walk over!"
Gone too far
We've done it guys.. science has gone too far...
Last weekend after winning Wimbledon, Serena Williams had a t-shirt on saying ‘Are You Looking At My Titles?'
If Brunel were alive today, he'd be designing sports bras.
Sometimes science is a wonderful thing to behold. Here, we have a splendid example every action having an equal and opposite reaction.
@Rtrdo - well....
... come on admit it... you weren't REALLY watching the tennis were you...
Is there an adult version of El Reg somewhere
Nothing to add to the title.
@Anonymous Coward 18:34
That Mr A/C is a very good point... Unfortunately a tad late...
Dual rack servers?
Time for bed me thinks....
Where's the IT angle?
Or is El Reg slowly turning into The Sun? I suppose it is a 'Red Top' after all...
At least with the numerous pics of the Asus EEE cutie (I'm not complaining, mind) there were some passing references to technology. But where is the IT story here?
Of course there is an IT angle.
Involves Tits, or Twats if the story had been about her fanny.
Paris, because she is crying in the knowledge that even after the surgery Simona's happy funtime bags will still be bigger than Paris' tiny titties
Can we have some pictures of cocks now?
AC @ 18:34 GMT
I can't recall the details at the moment but there is an SF short story about a future Olympics where most of the athletes are genetically mutated to compete. There are complex arguments about where the (few) limitations have been broken. During the story some of the Soviets (old story) defect using their mutated abilities to their own advantage for the first time.
Its like an extreme version of those arguments about the identities/ages of some of the young gymnasts. As you may recall the authorities came back and said that the girl matched her official details and those said she was OK, neatly sidestepping the other evidence that implied she'd been several years older/younger several years before. Or that there were two amazing athletes with the same name - which seemed the official explanation. It was deemed moot that a country might fake someones details to have them compete.
What a criminal waste of amazing chebs. Just utter vandalism.
Here goes here nearly perfect mixed doubles record
She should have thought properly "OK, why do me and my partner really win all those mixed doubles matches..."
Drugs give one an unfair advantage over other competitors. This is removing a pre-existing hindrance, almost a handicap. It might bring her performance up to that of other players, but not beyond them.
Unfortunately, job related cosmetic surgery for most of us would involve hemorrhoid removal.
A dissenting voice
Great video, El Reg. The love-child of Ilie Năstase and Lara Croft in bouncing puppies action! Better than all the usual dull stuff about IT, Redmond versus Mountain View, science, government cock-ups, hardware, software ...
Talking of God's Own Sport, I watched virtually all the second week on BBC TV (when I should've been working) and I'm proud to admit it! So FOAD, all you tennis-hating commentards.
(The IT reference is in the TITle.)
The surgery may well result in a lose-lose situation.
We lose because her boobs have been more interesting than her tennis.
She may well lose because her centre of gravity will move to a point further down and further back, and her upper body mass is reduced. Since even unfamiliar shoes can throw out a player's game, it is doubtful as to whether the deboobification may in any way improve her abilities.
Trying to build greater lower-leg strength in the gym might have been a better strategy.
Some good could have been derived from the situation if we could nominate some other pretty girl to receive the off-cuts, but I don't suppose it works that way...?
Breast is Best
Think of the lost opportunities for sponsorship from BusterBras.Com (BBC) or FeminineIndustrialSupport.Co.Uk.
More seriously though it a shame to see someone resort to non-essential surgery - you should always make the most of your assets rather than seek to take the short cut.
Paris cos she always makes a tit of herself.
"Achilles' Choice", by Larry Niven and Steven Barnes
She was asked if her breasts had helped her tennis career. She said: 'Well, they've certainly opened doors for me.'
I'll get my coat...
I wouldn't do it
That does look like it would hurt like hell after a few rounds but if I were her I think I'd rather change careers. Surgery seems like kind of a drastic option.
The sun is shining, it's a beautiful day.
You whey-faced geeks need to take your hands off your cocks for a moment and go outside.
why, is there some totty out there with their goods on show?
@ Five Hats
What, like you?
It's not even August
I thought she was going to wait until Fall?
- Vid Hubble 'scope scans 200,000 ton CHUNKY CRUMBLE ENIGMA
- Google offers up its own Googlers in cloud channel chumship trawl
- Bugger the jetpack, where's my 21st-century Psion?
- Interview Global Warming IS REAL, argues sceptic mathematician - it just isn't THERMAGEDDON
- Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad