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back to article Bloke uses nail clippers to go roundhead

A medic at Lister Hospital in Stevenage, Hertfordshire, has advised men against attempting DIY circumcision with nail clippers, after a young man who'd decided this was the best way to go roundhead was admitted for emergency treatment. Staff disinfected the unnamed victim's wound, and he was dispatched to an observation ward bed …

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WTF?

Coming up next...

...advice that you shouldn't hammer nails into your kneecaps.

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WTF?

Nail Clippers?

Can't have been very big. Now me I would needed a garden shears.

How long to I have to wait before I can get my legs to uncross after reading the headline?

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WTF?

No

No. No. Uh-uh. No. Nope. No.

*backs out of room*

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IT Angle

IT angle?!

Maybe a bored It worker?

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Rob
Bronze badge
FAIL

:-O

"Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand."

No shit Sherlock

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Paris Hilton

Ouch ouch ouch

Somethings cannot be un-imagined.

Darwin would have been proud.

ttfn

Oh - no Darwin icon? oh well better use PH since at least she can't try this at home.

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Joke

What a bell end

or lack of!

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Paris Hilton

if you saw the women in Stevenage

You would be hacking at your manhood with any blunt instrument.

Yet another reason to nuke Stevenage and turn it into a car park.

Paris, not likely to be seen in the 'nage

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Paris Hilton

WTF?!

How many snips exactly did this guy inflict on himself to complete the job... Assuming he did actually complete it?

I could possibly understand it being a good idea after about 20 pints, but surely the first "snip" of the nail scissors would have resulted in a rapid return to reality!

Paris, cos she treats her members more gently.

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Gold badge
Coat

Roundhead, or......

"....such a cavalier fashion....."

I can see what you did there.

Mine doublet and buffe coate if ye pleaseth.

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Weakling

Real men use soldering irons

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IT Angle

Wheres the IT angle?

Bored / mental IT worker?

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Happy

Observation ward

Is this where they can all go to point and laugh at him?

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Silver badge

Subtle jokes and more..

So, he went roundhead in a cavalier fashion..... Sex related jokes mixed up with historical references, breaking tech news....El Reg has it all :)

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WTF?

Incredible powers of deduction here;

"Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand."

No shit Sherlock!

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FAIL

Title

I dare any bloke to have read that and not winced...

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WTF?

Ouch!

There is just no way that I can conceive of any situation where this would seem like a good idea. Even totally ratarsed and completely out of my tree it would appear as a less than cunning plan.

This bloke is clearly either barking mad or on a serious cocktail of reality altering pharmaceuticals.

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Coffee/keyboard

"Roundhead"

"cavalier fashion"

Win.

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WTF?

FFS WHY?

Why? Just why would you do that?

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FAIL

lol

what a nob.

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FAIL

Nailclippers...

... you're doing it wrong!

*Insert reference to feline playing an electronic, synthesised, piano type instrument*

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Pint

Ouch

ouch;

ohhhh.

OUCH

FUCK!!!!!

Ouch.

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Coffee/keyboard

Aaaarrrgghh!!!!

New keyboards, please. A Darwin Award winner in the making?

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WTF?

Nothing

There is nothing remotely good about this story :-/

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FAIL

What kind of madman...

...tries to do a DIY circumcision with nail clippers? Seriously.

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Thumb Up

I had a small mole...

...that I removed with (new, straight-edged) nail clippers (sterilised) and a couple of cotton wool balls soaked in surgical spirit. Teenage home surgery is fun! No trace of the offending mole now remains...

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WTF?

A *few* drinks?!

Words fail me, but I had to comment while crossing my legs...

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Gold badge
Pint

I don't get it

There isn't enough alcohol in the world to get me to do something like this! Surely you should black out before self-circumcision seems like a good idea?

Oh well, I suppose another contribution to natural selection should be welcomed.

I suppose the beer icon is a natural, though I suspect the 'illicit moonshine with traces of wood alcohol' symbol would do better if you had one.

Amateur surgery should be left to the professionals.

To quote Ranulph Fiennes:

Nearly four months later, Sir Ranulph had become impatient by the sight of the blackened finger tops, which had shrivelled and mummified.

Utterly impassively, he recounts the grisly DIY amputation. 'I took the Black & Decker vice from my tool shed and with the micro saw blade, I cut off the dead finger and thumb ends of my left hand. I did it slowly and carefully. When it bled, or was painful, I moved the saw away from the living flesh to the damaged flesh.

'Yes, I did have to cut into my own bone, but it was very shrivelled - the whole thing was like the flesh of a corpse. I put on a dressing to mop up the blood. I did it for financial reasons. I would have had to pay £6,000 to have it done by a surgeon.'

sorry about the source, it's what came up when I searched: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-446399/How-Ranulph-Fiennes-sawed-fingertips-save-6-000-surgery-bill.html

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Alert

Ouch

Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch

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Surly it would have taken several snips

They say the first cut is the deepest, but the second one would be harder, knowing what pain the first caused.

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Joke

roundheads / cavaliers?

roundheads adopting cavalier attitudes - that could have ended the English Civil War a lot sooner !

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IT Angle

Oh lordy

Why, just why.

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FAIL

Notable Mention

Surely a candidate for honourable mention in the Darwin awards.

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Bronze badge
FAIL

Is it really such a big deal...?

that its worth risking permanant damage, rather than wait till the next day and go to the doc's ( or where ever you would go to get it done propperly)

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Joke

Nail Clippers?

The name says it all...Nail clippers...

Surley he should have used a "Pipe" cutter instead..

I'll get me coat....

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Anonymous Coward

Aaargh

Any male read that without flinching / crossing his legs?

Ouch!

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Coat

Before anyone else starts

'He must feel a right Dick now...'

OK, OK, the one with the garden shears in the pocket...

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Alert

Can this be marked "MMYCUIABAW"?

...Might make you curl up in a ball and whimper.

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Happy

"dispatched to an observation ward bed"

A bed with a hole cut in the top sheet about half way up?

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Paris Hilton

Just a thought,

if it gets infected & drops off, would he be elligible for a Darwin?

PH, 'cos she'd know a Cavalier from a Roundhead...

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Boffin

OUCH!

That's all I can really say, other than F***ing OUCH!!!!

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Coat

what a...

knob

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owch

wtf, what an idiot

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FAIL

Flipping Heck.

I mean, like, flipping heck. With nail clippers.

Flipping, flipping heck.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: IT angle?!

It doesn't have quite the same angle it used to.

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FAIL

Nah

Mine's got rings in it anyway so why would I?

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WTF?

@Ms Bee

OMG, LOL

But seriously.

How bored would you have to be?

I've watched a few long installs in my time, but never long enough to think

"Hmm, I know what will while away the time. I'll chop my own foreskin off! Let's see, screwdriver....no, bulldog clip...no, what shall I use...oooh! NAIL SCISSORS!! That'll do it"

Good job he's not a tree surgeon!

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Nah

But you don't like to draw attention to it. I understand.

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Grenade

To quote the bard

Twas the most unkindest cut of all.

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Unhappy

IT angle?!

Probably working with Crystal Reports.

Now, where are my nail clippers might try a little trepanation....

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