Coming up next...

...advice that you shouldn't hammer nails into your kneecaps.

Nail Clippers?

Can't have been very big. Now me I would needed a garden shears.

How long to I have to wait before I can get my legs to uncross after reading the headline?

No

No. No. Uh-uh. No. Nope. No.

*backs out of room*

IT angle?!

Maybe a bored It worker?

:-O

"Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand."

No shit Sherlock

Ouch ouch ouch

Somethings cannot be un-imagined.

Darwin would have been proud.

ttfn

Oh - no Darwin icon? oh well better use PH since at least she can't try this at home.

What a bell end

or lack of!

if you saw the women in Stevenage

You would be hacking at your manhood with any blunt instrument.

Yet another reason to nuke Stevenage and turn it into a car park.

Paris, not likely to be seen in the 'nage

WTF?!

How many snips exactly did this guy inflict on himself to complete the job... Assuming he did actually complete it?

I could possibly understand it being a good idea after about 20 pints, but surely the first "snip" of the nail scissors would have resulted in a rapid return to reality!

Paris, cos she treats her members more gently.

Roundhead, or......

"....such a cavalier fashion....."

I can see what you did there.

Mine doublet and buffe coate if ye pleaseth.

Wheres the IT angle?

Bored / mental IT worker?

Observation ward

Is this where they can all go to point and laugh at him?

Incredible powers of deduction here;

"Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand."

No shit Sherlock!

Title

I dare any bloke to have read that and not winced...

Ouch!

There is just no way that I can conceive of any situation where this would seem like a good idea. Even totally ratarsed and completely out of my tree it would appear as a less than cunning plan.

This bloke is clearly either barking mad or on a serious cocktail of reality altering pharmaceuticals.

"Roundhead"

"cavalier fashion"

Win.

FFS WHY?

Why? Just why would you do that?

lol

what a nob.

Nailclippers...

... you're doing it wrong!

*Insert reference to feline playing an electronic, synthesised, piano type instrument*

Ouch

ouch;

ohhhh.

OUCH

FUCK!!!!!

Ouch.

Aaaarrrgghh!!!!

New keyboards, please. A Darwin Award winner in the making?

Nothing

There is nothing remotely good about this story :-/

What kind of madman...

...tries to do a DIY circumcision with nail clippers? Seriously.

I had a small mole...

...that I removed with (new, straight-edged) nail clippers (sterilised) and a couple of cotton wool balls soaked in surgical spirit. Teenage home surgery is fun! No trace of the offending mole now remains...

A *few* drinks?!

Words fail me, but I had to comment while crossing my legs...

I don't get it

There isn't enough alcohol in the world to get me to do something like this! Surely you should black out before self-circumcision seems like a good idea?

Oh well, I suppose another contribution to natural selection should be welcomed.

I suppose the beer icon is a natural, though I suspect the 'illicit moonshine with traces of wood alcohol' symbol would do better if you had one.

Amateur surgery should be left to the professionals.

To quote Ranulph Fiennes:

Nearly four months later, Sir Ranulph had become impatient by the sight of the blackened finger tops, which had shrivelled and mummified.

Utterly impassively, he recounts the grisly DIY amputation. 'I took the Black & Decker vice from my tool shed and with the micro saw blade, I cut off the dead finger and thumb ends of my left hand. I did it slowly and carefully. When it bled, or was painful, I moved the saw away from the living flesh to the damaged flesh.

'Yes, I did have to cut into my own bone, but it was very shrivelled - the whole thing was like the flesh of a corpse. I put on a dressing to mop up the blood. I did it for financial reasons. I would have had to pay £6,000 to have it done by a surgeon.'

sorry about the source, it's what came up when I searched: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-446399/How-Ranulph-Fiennes-sawed-fingertips-save-6-000-surgery-bill.html

Ouch

Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch

roundheads / cavaliers?

roundheads adopting cavalier attitudes - that could have ended the English Civil War a lot sooner !

Oh lordy

Why, just why.

Notable Mention

Surely a candidate for honourable mention in the Darwin awards.

Is it really such a big deal...?

that its worth risking permanant damage, rather than wait till the next day and go to the doc's ( or where ever you would go to get it done propperly)

Nail Clippers?

The name says it all...Nail clippers...

Surley he should have used a "Pipe" cutter instead..

I'll get me coat....

Before anyone else starts

'He must feel a right Dick now...'

OK, OK, the one with the garden shears in the pocket...

Can this be marked "MMYCUIABAW"?

...Might make you curl up in a ball and whimper.

"dispatched to an observation ward bed"

A bed with a hole cut in the top sheet about half way up?

Just a thought,

if it gets infected & drops off, would he be elligible for a Darwin?

PH, 'cos she'd know a Cavalier from a Roundhead...

OUCH!

That's all I can really say, other than F***ing OUCH!!!!

what a...

knob

Flipping Heck.

I mean, like, flipping heck. With nail clippers.

Flipping, flipping heck.

Nah

Mine's got rings in it anyway so why would I?

@Ms Bee

OMG, LOL

But seriously.

How bored would you have to be?

I've watched a few long installs in my time, but never long enough to think

"Hmm, I know what will while away the time. I'll chop my own foreskin off! Let's see, screwdriver....no, bulldog clip...no, what shall I use...oooh! NAIL SCISSORS!! That'll do it"

Good job he's not a tree surgeon!

To quote the bard

Twas the most unkindest cut of all.

IT angle?!

Probably working with Crystal Reports.

Now, where are my nail clippers might try a little trepanation....