Seriously, how does that work? The, er, geometry doesn't work. How does a large thing get out of a small thing, and into another small thing?

... did you hire the Inq's funny writer?

Imagine the socks your average Reg commenter would need!

Why would?... how would? ... eh?

They must be buying from the online pharmacies that keep spamming me.

So size really *does* matter?

from an evolutionary point of view - you grow up and decrease in size ? Imagine how small you'd be if you made it to old age ?

I think they've got the sperm from some other species (maybe a giant crab) who died nearby these other creatures.

How big's the egg?

"spunkoarchaeologists " has got to be the word of the day surely.

You could take you eye out if one of those hit you.

How come giant paper towels did not evolve in response to this?

giant sperm and stuff.

http://www.freewebs.com/qitranscripts/304.htm

Erm, anyway, what's quite interesting about the sperm of the fruit fly?

[Viewscreens: Three very close-up pictures of a fruit fly.]

Alexander

Smells of guava. [shrugs imperiously]

Alan

The thing is, Xander actually knows that.

Alexander

Yeah. I know.

Stephen

Fruit fly spunk. What can we say about it?

Alan

They don't have it. They don't have any of it.

Stephen

They cer— . . . by God, they do.

Alan

Do they.

John

It is the most fecund sperm.

Jeremy

Do parsnips taste nice in it?

Stephen

I'm afraid I'm . . . It's size. I'm just going to add size. It's the largest sperm of any living thing.

[Viewscreens: The fruit flies' "mouths" suddenly are superimposed with smiling, ruby red lips.]

Stephen

If uncoiled, it's twenty times as long as its own body. It's 5.8 centimeters long, one sperm. I'm not talking about . . . Its seminal fluid--

Jeremy

5.8 centimetres?

Stephen

Yeah, 5.8 centimetres. A human sperm is naught-point-naught-five millimetres.

John

So you don't think "tadpole"; think "Loch Ness Monster".

Stephen

It really is. Absolutely gigantic.

Alan

You could probably get one as a pet, couldn't you?

Stephen

Yeah. Well over 1000 times longer than a human sperm.

Alan

[mimes painfully ejaculating a giant sperm]

Jeremy

[uses hands to indicate a giant sperm landing on the table with a loud thunk]

Stephen

Oh, dear . . .

I hope this is the right place to ask. Just how does one see (as opposed to "see" and ""see"") things with "synchrotron X-ray holotomography"? You see, I've got one, or something quite a lot like it. It cost an arm and a leg, but I've only ever found it good for navel gazing.

«Just how does one see (as opposed to "see" and ""see"") things with "synchrotron X-ray holotomography"?»

Erm. By looking at the attached monitor. Word of the street is, results are improved if you keep your eyes open.

A bit like, you know, how you see things with an electron microscope, an echograph or any piece of medical imagery equipement, a scanning confocal microscope, a giant telescope, ...

Gulp.

Have you had trouble with your sperm trying to eat you in the past?

Distance from earth to moon = 22 588 235.3 gigasperms

I'm sure paleospunkologists would have been better.

I belive the sperm it very.. VERY long but also very very thin and is "coiled" up before launch and coils up when delivered as well.