back to article Russian blows off ex-boyf's todger with firecrackers

A spurned Russian woman whose boyfriend declined to take her hand in marriage responded by blowing off his penis with firecrackers, Mosnews reports. Victim Alik D. had been shacked up with Kira V. for about two years when she began to suggest that they should tie the knot. Mr D declined, and indicated he'd rather go back to his …

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IT Angle

ohhhhhh

And the moral of the story. Stay with your wife and kid.

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Joke

pun intended

"Kira faces 12 years' hard time - even if her ex survives."

Although it looks like he wont ever get a hard time ever again!

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Flame

Ouch!!

She should be glad the law isnt "an eye for an eye".

Flames, for obvious reason.

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Stop

Good grief

A guy lands up in intensive care, and just because his todgewr was involved people find this funny?

I haven't been offended by a lot of the sex related coverage lately, but this is downright vicious. It isn't big, and it isn't clever. The damn man nearly died, and still might yet.

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Dead Vulture

Er ... no

"...even if her ex survives."

C'mon El Reg; a bit of light hearted genital mutilation is only funny if it's all over and everyone laughs about it afterwards. When the guy is still in intensive care, that's bad.

Unless it wasn't about our amusement and there is actually an IT angle? My mistake.

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Unhappy

Ouch!

One paramedic to another "here's another bit"...

Would it affect your personality if your left bollock was sewn back where the right one should be and vice versa?

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Unhappy

even harder time guaranteed for victim??

Surely, the poor victim will not be having a hard time, for some time

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Flame

"ex-boyf"?

As far as we know, they didn't split up --- he was with her, was going to return to his family, but he may have planned to keep her as a bit on the side. And being at the IC unit, he may not have awoken yet to dump her.

And admit it, such a fiery lass, would you dump her?

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Coat

Dinner

Did they have Coq au Bang?

Mine's the jacket without the trousers...

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Silver badge
Alert

In before "blowjob" headline suggestion

A comment is required, in addition to a title.

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What do you mean?

....hes in for a hard time? He'll never be hard again!

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Bronze badge
Joke

This story is .....

just a flash in the pan(ts).

Move along there it's Friday and there's plenty of work to b dun.

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Alert

Ouch...

This on the same day that the Times is asking if men are more prone to revenge...

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6374452.ece

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Good grief

> ...It isn't big...

But it used to be....

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Joke

Hard time!

She'll be doing hard time?? He'll never have a har .... oh you implied that joke when you wrote the article?

Ah. Ok then. Sorry.

(joins queue for coats)

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Euphemism...

Pocket Rocket anyone?!

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Coat

The Daily Sport's Headline could be:

Firecracker Knacker Explodes Boyfriend's Tallywhacker!

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Flame

sexism

And if a bloke did the same to a married woman he was having an affair with, it wouldn't get treated as a joke.

Equal right... HA.

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Coat

Whoops

So he tried to say farewell to his girlfriend and ended up waving goodbye to his loved ones.

Mines the one bought from Lacrobat.

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Happy

Can I patent any...

Shot Down in a Blaze of Glory puns?

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Unhappy

Even harder?

Surely it is the end of 'hard' times for the victim?

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Anonymous Coward

El Reg not doing its job

Picture(s) of Kira are required.

Don't care about a pic of Alik, and you can find a blurry (or Blu-Ray) pic of him using Google® anyway.

I guess the humorous part is that the fool was stupid enough to tell Kira that after two years with her he'd be going back to his wife after all. Because it's sure not the fact that he's in ICU fighting for his life.

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Coat

Video games are to blame

I bet she played way too much Fallout 3 and just wanted to try the Exploding Pants thing in real life.

Quick, somebody think of the children!

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Paris Hilton

unwise comment though

"indicated he'd rather go back to his wife and child"

Not a reply that would endear him to her in the circumstances.

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Coat

Well....

I guess that's an alternative type of blow job.....

I'll get my coat

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Zid
Alert

New Feature - WWSD

At the end of all stories like this, I think there should be a boot note with "What Would Sarah Do?"

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Rob
Go

@Zid

It's friday afternoon, I'm winding down for the weekend, I'm not sure I have the stomach for Sarah's reply.

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Anonymous Coward

I blame sanitized news

If journalists are only allowed to report stories where dangerous activities result in minor injuries then people are going to think that grenades and machine guns are harmless. Imagine what the world would be like if "The A-Team" had been in the top ten shows for five seasons.

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Bronze badge

she knew he was a scumbag when he moved in with her...

...deserting a wife and children. Those who dump someone for you tend to dump you for someone.

It sounds amusing, but it's actually appalling. If she had blown off his feet so he couldn't walk out on her, it would have been seen for the crimninal multilation it is.

@The Jase -- why do you think it would have been treated differently if a man had done this to a woman? Anatomically it would have been worse -- a woman would probably die from internal bleeding -- but I think the jokes would have been coarser and crueller.

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Unhappy

Marry her?!

No wonder he didn't want to marry her?! ... Being married to someone that violent would have been hell.

I consider fireworks (or women who can strangle cats they claim are pets!), is a good clear warning sign to stay away!

e.g. Here's another one: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/05/28/dearest_tinkebell/

Its bad enough just living in a world with crazy/evil people like that, let alone having to actually live with crazy/evil people like that.

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re Hollerith

"Anatomically it would have been worse -- a woman would probably die from internal bleeding"

Why is the probability of dying from internal bleeding any worse than the probability of dying from external bleeding?

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Pirate

to both of them

Here's a piece of ancient advice: "Thou shalt not!"

They would have both been happier.

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@Hollerith

I doubt the jokes would be coarser, I would wager people would break out in sympathy. It seems that women can get away with domestic abuse.

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Anonymous Coward

sociopaths

That's what I like about the interweb, really gives the

sociopaths a place to express themselves...

sick.

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Go

Gives Whole New Meaning ...

.. to the phrase blow job.

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I'm just curious

to know the nationality of the various commenters. Some of them seem to be lacking in the traditional British ability to extract irony and black humour from any situation, however unfortunate. Is it possible that we have a few overseas readers in our midst who, as is apparently traditional for them, have Missed The Point ?

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Thumb Down

so she wanted to hurt him that badly?

I tihnk she tried to give him a piece of her pain: like "you hurt me this much, so I'm gonna make you feel the pain too...." so she blew off his dingaling. she wanted revenge? I wonder how she's feel is someone put a load of firecrackers in her hole and lit it....then she would know its really not the same pain. I'm honestly think she should of gotten more than 12 years. and if it was a guy who did it, he would prolly get life in prison.

if a guy had done it to a woman, I'm sure no one would find it funny, it shouldn't be funny on both sides. it is a serious matter.

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Unhappy

all i can say

is OUCH. not good to get a woman that mad at you whilst you are drinking and fooling around.

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Coat

I suspect he'd have preferred to

bang her.

I've already got my coat, thanks.

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Can't see the joke

Nothing quite so hilarious as a bit of near-fatal domestic violence, eh?

I agree with The Jase: had it been the other way around, this wouldn't have been considered funny. Howls of outrage - and rightly so - if a woman is viciously mutilated by her partner. If a woman does it to a man, though, that's comedy. Apparently. Well, no. It isn't funny either way; not even a little bit.

That the guy was having an affair is irrelevant. We don't know the full story; we know nothing about his circumstances. Or hers, for that matter. Either way, even a cheat doesn't deserve this kind of savagery.

Oh, and Nick L? I'm British. And I'm perfectly happy to indulge in that black humour you mentioned in situations where there's nothing else to be done, but I won't use it to excuse violence. As for irony, I see none here. Maybe I should listen to more Alanis Morissette?

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Silver badge
Coat

More than 30 comments and I'm still the first...

... to make a stupid pun about Russian blowjobs...

What is wrong with you guys?

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@ Pierre

Sorry, but (bearing in mind the hold for moderation) Destroy All Monsters, AC@11:55 and Doug Glass all got in before you.

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Bronze badge
Flame

at A.C. Ouch

Thanks for the link. I haven't laughed that hard in years. Maybe in England women aren't prone for revenge but they sure are in the U.S. Loreena Bobbit anyone.

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Joke

Heads and Tails,

While this sorry Russian tale sounds horrific, in the words of Angus Deaton, "None of the people involved were English". This story should serve as a reassurance to the 99% of el-reg readers who can't get a date, that they're probably better off that way.

There was an English case five years ago when a girl made advances on her ex boyfriend, he declined, she tore off one of his testicles and tried to eat it... She was sentenced to two and a half years... If anyone has a girlfriend called "Amanda Monti" now would be a perfect time to leave the country, right now, don't stop to pack and do not under any circumstances tell her that she's dumped.

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Joke

other peoples todgers

What is this obsession the elREG staff has with other peoples todgers and/or appliances or inter-species sex ... slow weekend ?

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Flame

Wonder if she worked for the

Russian Space Programme and fancied launching the first todger(on its own) into space? Bit of a rookie error doing it indoors though. Expect it just decorated the ceiling.

That's not a flame, it's an after-burner.

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Paris Hilton

Re Heads & Tails

Ah yes, John Wayne Bobbit...

What's really surprising is that he was subsequently tried for three incidents of domestic abuse against his third wife.

Now is that someone who failed to get the hint, or what?!

Paris because she'd never do something like that. Probably.

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Paris Hilton

Paris

Cause she knows how to blow up a todger without explosives

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Joke

Whew!!

Don't wanna read too many of these...

http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/sexual_assault/severed_penis/6.html

Mercifully, my penis has been cut already, with me following the Jewish faith (In principle. I do fuc*k-all on the Sabbath. Isn't that every day of the week?).

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SPAM Time

Alik D

Penis now too small?

http://yetanotherspamlink.com/enlarge.html

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