At least he's a bit more honest than the mobile phone users ... gardai will be in touch, i'll bet.

Lester, you continue to amaze me: it's not even lunchtime yet.

"With regret we have come to the decision that no prize will be awarded this year."

What about giving it to the runners-up??? I smell a rat- Maybe the magazine is so hard up that it concockted a way of getting out of rewarding the prize money.

This is very disgusting, Lester Haines reading the The Clare People.

Pints all round?? 5cc might be more like it.

Paris, you all know why

...that he couldn't beat it in court.

Being from Ireland I think its very romantic to drive round having a w*nk. Just be careful not to drive into one on the horses walking down the street or run over one of the 'little people'

If you are chosen as on of the lucky recipients then its a compliment.

Paris because I'm sure she has had a lot of compliments in her time

Just what I expect from the Reg.

Now, will you be forthcoming with a BOFH episode?

rather than give it to the 2nd placed couple. A traditional way of doing it methinks.

She's craic'd off on her videos as well !!!!

It's been a really shitty day. No a really, REALLY shitty day.

Then I read The Register to find out what is going on outside of the asylum to read such masterpieces of comment as these on a story of a man induging in the sin of Onan:

"beat off stiff opposition"*

"working himself to the bone".

Please don't ever stop - cleaning small bits of apple off my monitor is a small price to pay.

The funniest shit I've read for a long time!

A man was found guilty of following women around in his car while fondling himself and then he was crowned Ireland's most romantic man. Maybe he is?

I thought it was going to be a story about Ronan Keating with a headline like that.

. . . he feels a bit of a knobhead.

where the IT angle is? Apart from that stupid W...

Well there's a source I never thought I'd see El Reg quoting from.

Ballyvaughan's a lovely place actually. Personally I'm glad to hear there's a wanker there who *isn't* just some fat bastard tourist on a road-clogging behemoth bus-tour.

(Jobs icon because nobody in County Clare can find any)

one assumes he was driving an automatic?

and not a single mention of the lovely girls competition from Father Ted. Guys, you are slipping.

Ouch.

Sounds like rather a harsh punishment!

I bet he can still pull though.

Reminds me of a joke:

A man was having his annual check-up at the local medical centre. He's lying naked on the table, being examined by the nurse.

The nurse says, "You're going to have to stop masturbating."

The man says, "Why?"

The nurse says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I await the online test to verify whether this activity is a distraction to driving. Along the line of the earlier test for texting while driving...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/05/04/dot_think/

Paris - as she will be appearing in the test.

Quite stunned that someone actually tagged a 'proper' joke to the joke icon.

I'm leaving the office early, is Simon T dead or something?

LOL very smooth :)

.. withdrew AFTER the singing?

But hey, he obviously didn't win that competition hands down. Well, not before they were up first..

Mine's the one with "Repetitive St(r)ain Sufferer" on the back, thanks.

Don't worry about the dropped tissues, I've got plenty

Thank you, and good night.

Anyway, we all want to see them erecting the pedestal.

At least he wasn't following sheep.

Quality article now wheres my pint?

*Thank God Its Lester

Ah! A welcome return to form!

"Boggle, verb transitive .... to Immaculately Confuse with Luscious Intent."

Brilliant definition.

...really jacked off !!

"The sin of Onan was surely just the penalty for early withdrawal (God ordered him to have sex with his sister-in-law IIRC and he wasn't too keen), not actually bashing the bishop..."

I see your argument, but ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan

I would highlight "The narrative implies that Onan didn't object to the sex itself, but performed coitus interruptus, spilling his seed upon the ground"

The actual interpretation is the subject of rabbinical arguments - however, the general view seems to be that the release of semen for other than procreation is abhorrent and sinful. And that is what the sin of Onan refers to - any release other than for full intercourse which would include masturbation.

E.g. "The sin of Onan. Spilling the old seed on the ground. Cuffing the camel. Dusting the donkey. Flogging the Pharisee. Onanism, a sin that requires hundreds of hours of practice to get right, or at least that's what I told myself."

I cant believe thats illegal..... far out...... for year it never occored to me.

@winkypop - no, I think it'd be jilled off, unless he's an "uphill gardener".

Less seriously, when I worked in BT, we had a machine that had an auger and a small-ish crane to put telegraph poles in the ground.

Its offical name was "PEU".

Pole Erection Unit.

My girl never knew why I called her "my peu". She thought it was French.