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back to article Archaeologists unearth oldest known 3D pornography

Topflight archaeologists have unearthed a 35,000-year-old figurine carved out of mammoth ivory by prehistoric Germans, depicting a woman with enormous breasts. The find is thought to be the oldest known example of 3D pornography in the world. Prehistoric Hohle Fels statuette depicting a large breasted lady Early German 3D …

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Woman?

Looks more like a big bloke with a tiny head carrying a giant parsnip to me.

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Paris Hilton

So that's why they call it

Getting your rocks off?

Can anyone recommend a therapist for the german archaeologists who think it is sexy, cos it sure don't do nuffin for me. Unlike the attached.

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Paris Hilton

slight confusion

> "There's all this sexual symbolism bubbling up in that period. They were sex-mad."

Come on (pun accidental but welcome). You know better. Nothing has changed, really.

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iis it me or...

dose it look a bit like chicken?

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Paris Hilton

The boffins also found a dildo

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4713323.stm

Quote:

"Ancient phallus unearthed in cave "

'The prehistoric "tool" was reassembled from 14 fragments of siltstone.' [Snigger], They said "tool". It least it didn't have rabbit ears.

It seems humans have changed little in 35,000 years.

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Oooh, someone tell those wacky neocons, quick!

They believe the Earth was created 6000 years ago... yet this might be the Flintstones version of a page 3 girl! Ooooh, porn and evolution in one. It might be enough to make their heads explode!

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Dead Vulture

"In place of a realistic head it has a knob.."

You do realise I'm going to have nightmares about that now.

Anyhow, is there any evidence that this find is pornographic (designed purely to enflame sexual desire) as opposed to being an object of worship, fertility symbol etc etc or is it just Friday when a journo's mind turns to the finer things in life?

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Bronze badge

diggers

Now watch some archaeologist claim it had "religious significance".

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Anonymous Coward

Porn?

A carving of a human figure = porn?

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Paris Hilton

@diggers

It did have religious significance: The worship of enormonorks has clearly been going on for a long time.

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Completely sexist

All the sexy bits and no head. Somethings never change.

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Alert

NSFW please

Some of us *ARE* working on a Friday Afternoon.

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Paris Hilton

haha

come on, it's a stone age butt plug

surely anyone can see that?

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Anonymous Coward

@NSFW please

i thought you must be working in america to find that amorphous lump of something to be nsfw, but i can't work out the time difference after a nice friday liquid lunch..

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Anonymous Coward

@NSFW please

Are you friggin kidding? It has the word 'pornography' in the link to the article!

Or are you the sort or person who needs a label on their peanut bag warning them that said bag contains peanuts?

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Joke

@@NSFW please (x2)

You've both got to be kidding me?! You didn't consider the fact that they were just joking?

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@ "@@NSFW please (x2)"

Heh, unlikely ;o)

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interesting religious angle?

The comment about neocons made me think... I've heard fundamentalists explain away pesky things like fossil evidence as 'god did it' - i.e., it was all just planted to f*ck with us. But surely a fundamentalist god isn't going to go around planting jubtastic idols like this?

@nsfw ac: dude, it might have been pornographic 40,000 years ago... today's standards are a bit different...

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Confirmed....

The worlds oldest profession (obsession) is SEX!

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@Graham T re. The boffins also found a dildo

"The prehistoric "tool" was reassembled from 14 fragments of siltstone"

I bet it was a hand-held sharpening stone used to put a point back on a deer antler plough or something useful like that, you know, those essential to daily life things that were oh so common and vital in those days.

A soon as a modern, beardy, sex-starved archaeologist sees the thing, it get's incorporated into his fantasies and becomes a broken dildo, sheesh. Note the additional information in the article..."it was also at times used for knapping flints"....I rest my case.

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Unhappy

Perhaps our view is a bit skewed

And when this was created they didn't have a sense of "porno-cism" or "erotocism" and just thought it was a beautiful object to their eyes. Hopefully they weren't as warped as people seem to have gotten since then.

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MMMnnnn... Oh yeah, mmmmm, uuuuuhhggggghhh

Um.. Im going to go and clean up now...

PS, just me or does it look like ms Hilton?

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It looks to me...

Those 'jubs' seem to have markings on the front about where facial features would be and on top they seem to have lines going backward like hair. Someone carrying two children in some kind of sling?

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J
Alien

Impressive detail

Prehistoric HD porn? No, thanks, DVDs are more than good enough... And physical media is so last Age. It has no chance against downloads, or so it's said.

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Would.

↑ comment is above ↑

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Joke

@@ "@@NSFW please (x2)" [x2]

(Hey figured I would keep the @@@'s alive :) )

"This would have allowed it to be worn concealed beneath the owner's primitive jerkin or hide garment, or alternatively stashed securely somewhere in the residential cave, perhaps to be brought out from time to time for private artistic contemplation."

I highlight this section:

"or alternatively stashed securely somewhere in the residential cave"

*twitch*

Umm yeahhhhhhh lets not go into what came to mind when I read that section. . .

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Odd that it's headless

Not that I claim to be a an expert on caveman fetishes, but it strikes me as very odd that it would be headless. I wonder if it could have had a head made from a different material originally.

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Boffin

Sex and religion

These idols were pretty common back then, it's a common tie between early religion and sexuality. The two key common factors between all Venus figurines (that's what they're called) are large breasts and wide hips, signs of fertility and good breeding. Most anthropologists believe that these idols were carried or owned by members of that culture as a sort of 'good luck charm' -- remember, in those times, it was not exactly uncommon for either woman and/or child to die during childbirth!

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@AC 13:42

"Anyhow, is there any evidence that this find is pornographic (designed purely to enflame sexual desire) as opposed to being an object of worship, fertility symbol etc etc or is it just Friday when a journo's mind turns to the finer things in life?"

The later. The concept of nudity==porn is fairly modern. It's a fertility symbol. But if all the rest of y'all really enjoy the 14yo boy locker room humor, don't let me get in your way.

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Anonymous Coward

Long Cold Winters

Big hipped, big breasted, rotund women were and are still preferred where long cold winters prevail. I would guess a fat, possibly pregnant woman would have been prized as a symbol of a good hunting/gathering season and the promise of being able to last out the winter. Hypotrophic, androgonous boy/girls with recessed testicles where their ovaries should be are the product of urban culture.

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Whew.

I'm glad I live in this age.

Porn has improved in 35K years.

We can download it faster.

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@David Eddleman

You wrote: "These idols were pretty common back then"

Uh ... Actually, the point of the article is that this one is the first that has been found from the particular "back then" in question, and pushes the advent of human art back by several millennia.

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@Pablo

It's not surprising that it's headless. Plenty of ancient European myths state that to look on the face of a god or goddess was a quick way to die. Robert Graves discusses this facet of mythology in his book, _The White Goddess._

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agriculture

The more I look at it, the more it doesn't look like anything except a guy carrying a huge turnip or parsnip. It's obviously an agricultural magazine report on someone's prize tuber. Pornography? Bullshit!

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Whooooooooooorrrrrr

In a base Neanderthal kind of a way...

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full frontal nudity

If you have seen the front of the little thing ... detailed clitoris, wide open vagina, swollen labia ... if this is religious, its the religion of anatomists of the arousal.

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Joke

Extreme porn

I hope those eggheads took it down to the local constabulary to ascertain whether such an item is on the banned porn list.

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Jobs Halo

You need new glasses

Taking a different view and lying the thing on it's side you can quite clearly see that they were having a hump. So there!

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