back to article Department of Homeland Security to destroy swine flu victims

It's evident that the US of A's Department of Homeland Security is taking the H1N1 threat very seriously indeed, and we reckon that Secretary Janet Napolitano may have been taking some advice from Condoleeeeza "Waterboarding" Rice as to how to apply a "Guantánamo Bay" solution to the menace posed by swine flu. Here's an extract …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.

Page:

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Go

Nukes, knives, sharp sticks...

Harsh, but fair.

0
0
jon
Thumb Up

wonderful typo

well placed and just the right one too :D

0
0
Thumb Up

What was that Zombie film called...

where remains from a previous zombie outbreak had been sealed in drums, but some how one had leaked and started a new outbreak. Right at the end of the film, the survivors were in a cellar where some of these drums were and there was an emergency phone number on the side of them. In desperation & hope they called the number. It connected to a Big Red Phone on some military chief's desk. The chief asked their location and then the scene cuts to B52s being scrambled and the survivor's location being nuked off the map. Classic ending to the film, but can't remember the name of it :o)

0
0
Joke

well..

shouldn't they be saying go for a "shower" instead of go to your destruction?

Good to see the americans finally showing their true colours!

0
0
Anonymous Coward

What's that smell?

Is the delicate aroma of over reliance on the spell checker?

0
0
Thumb Up

Fantastic.

Absolutely fantastic. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Let's hope New Yorkers don't get wind of this - they're panicked enough as it is.

0
0
Black Helicopters

And they thought...

...the new administration'd be softies, eh? You have to admit, it's the hard-assed way to quell any possible comments about not taking security seriously! Black helicopter, cause that's the only way I'm travelling anywhere near there in future...

0
0

Land, sea, and air ports

I understand sea and air ports, but "land ports"? Are those bus depots and truck stops?

-dZ.

0
0

Unfortunate choice of words

I cannot imagine that sentence meaning what I think it does. However, after reading the entire press release, I cannot find any context which would offer a different meaning. I can only think that it was an unfortunate and very wrong choice of words.

That, or the U.S. government is being very candid in its approach towards immigration. Talk about "transparency in government." Wow.

-dZ.

0
0
Unhappy

It's truly amazing

How people over-react to flu. It would be one thing if this were a repeat of the 1918, but come on folks...it's not even close.

0
0
Joke

its all ManBear^h^h^hirdPigs fault :)

Must say its a bit OTT given there only dieing of the flu, happens all the time. Some years more than others. Always new strains but alas this time we have the global interactive edition. What next, knee-graz watch gone up a level as little jonny fell over 2 minutes ago and a minute after that pier in france also hurt his knee, though details are scetchy atm if he actual fell.

Have to love the media's take, global warming the next hinting at overcrowding of populations and then crying in the other direction because somebody died of the flu. How many people die of the `flu` each year overall worldwide, anybody actualy looked at the whole picture. Lets face it, more people die in African of the flu each year than some would care to admit.

I personaly crisin this event Manbirdpig after the southpark episode http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ManBearPig

0
0

Proceed to final destination...

Wow! Never thought that "security" would go this far! They do realize that this influenza strain is all over the U.S., right?

0
0
Ash
Joke

Oblig.

You have no chance to survive make your time.

Ha ha ha!

0
0
Go

Hooray!!

Three cheers for America!! Thank God that they are here to protect us from all evils and act as fair, unbiased, non-paranoid police for the whole planet. Our world would be rubbish without them telling us, quite rightly, how fantastic they are and how we are all better off letting them rule us as they do.

God bless them, each and every one!

</tongueInCheek>

0
0
Dan
Pirate

Best. Typo. Ever.

Assuming it is a typo. Isn't it?

Hello?

Hello?

...

0
0
Thumb Up

Who else?

Who else has images of BSE-esque pyres of burning Mexicans?

0
0
Boffin

erm....

Beg Pardon, Secretary? Is that *really* what you meant to say?!

0
0

Damn you! Damn you pork to hell!

It must be stopped! Soylent Pig is... PEOPLE!

-dZ.

0
0

Meant

Is it meant to be Destination? They are very dissimilar words.. comedy gold but also kinda scary.

0
0
Alert

What's truly alarming...

I notice on the linked page there is no color coded Avian-Porcine Threat Advisory level!

0
0

Transparency

I sincerely hope she meant "destination" as opposed to "destruction", but this *IS* the U.S. government, so I cannot safely assume that. Perhaps it was a Freudian slip? I know Obama said his administration was going to be more transparent, but this might be taking it a bit TOO far :)

0
0
Black Helicopters

Fired

Proceed to your destination, proceed to your destruction -- tomato tomahto...

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Aww

They've corrected the typo (or series-of-successive-typos-leading-to-a-completely-different-word!) - it now says "Destination". With the correction as a footnote.

Freud must be turning in his mass^H^H^H^H^H grave.

0
0

That film was

The Return of the Living Dead (O'Bannon, 1985)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Return_of_the_Living_Dead

Braaaaaiiiinnnsssssss!!!!!!!

0
0

Typo?

Looks like the DHS fixed the typo errrrrrrrrr Freudian slip.

0
0

"Destination" -- OR IS IT???

If you follow the link to the transcript, you'll find that they've corrected the typo from 'destruction' to 'destination', and explained the change in an asterisked footnote.

Obviously, though, this is merely the US Govt's attempt to fig-leaf their actual policy, accidentally leaked, of murdering everyone who comes through a US airport and has a sniffle or a cold; people who sneeze will be summarily judged guilty of spreading bioterror weapons and be shot on sight.

It all makes sense now!

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Bad typo

Of course if you are on the way to destruction, then it would be correct. After all, you might have a really bad case of swine flu, in which case you have no chance to survive make your time anyway.

0
0

They fixed it already

Wow, that was fast!

It's been corrected on the DHS site to say "destination" with the following note:

"*corrected typo; changed destruction to destination"

http://www.dhs.gov/ynews/releases/pr_1241056994692.shtm

-dZ.

0
0
Silver badge

@ Bassey

That would certainly be about the quickest way to make sure everyone caught the virus.

Remember the foot-and-mouth outbreak of 2001? The rate of infection only began to slow down when we stopped throwing infected carcases onto bonfires, where live viruses would be carried up intact by the updraught to be spread far and wide, and began burying them.

0
0
M7S
Bronze badge

Blast, they've corrected it

but in recognition (I think) of the fact that this has gone around the world (Yup, I did my part) there is an acknowledgement at the end of the original wording.

0
0
Pirate

Waste

First an exam, then destruction.

That is very wasteful. If you are going to destroy them anyway, why bother with the exam?

Look at all the money I am saving the US gov. They should send me a cheque... Not that I would touch it without a biohazard suit.

0
0
Bronze badge

Spell Checker

Someone already pointed out that it's probably a typo for destination that a spell checker turned into destruction. It isn't often that such results are obtained, but that is a security risk with spell checkers.

0
0

Alien 2

Definitive proof that they were "supposed to use harsh language".

0
0
Happy

Typo corrected

But they put a footnote admitting the boo-boo, so it is still funny.

0
0
Pirate

@AC - Send more paramedics!

That movie was called "Return of the Living Dead"

0
0
Unhappy

Now corrected.

It reads "destination".

0
0

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Joke

Dammit

She has slipped up an revealed the actual plan for reducing the problems of food/water/land shortages, green house problems, and over population in one fell swoop. Oh well I guess it's ok to tell everyone now. See they pump out a strain of the flu that will kill off the people that the government has determined are "redundant"... for the good of all man kind of course. Yeah good of all man kind, that's it. Those that are deemed worthy of surviving will then enjoy a happy life inside a US Government approved bubble.

0
0
joe

@DZ-Jay

They're talking about the border checkpoints - San Diego has the world's busiest border crossing, handling about 50 million people each year.

0
0
Paris Hilton

But the sooner you catch the new Flu, the lower your chance of dying from it.

Typically, flu deaths are in the heartland, after the new virus has built up virulance by passing through several people.

Those on the coasts tend to get milder cases.

So... the better a job we do i preventing infection, the more ppl will die.

Paris just because.

0
0
Vic

Word 2003 autotext

Yes, I think we can blame that divine intervention. How do I know? Well, mine (strangely) says 'destination' instead of 'destruction' when I get to d-e-s-t.... But there's no accounting for autotext tastes in the various Departments of Horrors.

One can become heavily reliant on this natty little feature when stuck behind a PC typing technical tomes all day, hence the non-compliance with upgrade to newer version and quiet putting-back of 2003 version.

0
0
Gold badge

AW - it's corrected. However..

.. kudos for mentioning the correction. Admitting a balls up takes, well, balls..

0
0
Thumb Up

What next?

I think Janet should hire amanfrommars to write all her speeches and statements from now on.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Freudian...

...slip...

0
0
Stop

ManBird Pig Flu is Serious Business

I'm serial

I'm super serial.

0
0

@AC at 13:58 GMT

You are looking for "Return of the Living Dead"

0
0

Swine flu? Get a grip

Here are a few facts from an MD disgruntled by all the hysteria and worse, the posturing by politicians which is fueling the fear:

-swine flu is NOT the cause of the deaths in Mexico; another flu strain (likely good old influenza A) is. Influenza A kills 4000 Canadians a year: GET YOUR FLU SHOT! (it doesn't work on swine flu though...)

-the virus is very low virulence but easily spread: so, if you get it, just stay home for 7 days if symptoms are mild.

-the reason everyone is excited at CDC and WHO is that this swine flu is a NOVEL (new) strain and bears watching but is NOT currently dangerous

-Oh,. and if you missed it on CNN: it is spread like regular flu through sneezing, touching nose, etc. NOT from pork.

Relax and enjoy the coming warm weather.

Dr. Dooomless

Add your own comment

0
0
wim

islam anyone

So who is in favor of Islam now where they don't eat / keep pigs ?

0
0
Black Helicopters

Consider panicking at this point

The following was posted on a US forum:

---------------

His Saviorness, El Presidente Obama, had one of his thuggish lieutenants, Napolitano, send a secret memo to the Department of Propaganda stating it is Obama's policy to kill and disappear people infected with pig flu, or "H1N1" as it is known by its secret CIA/FEMA codename! Then when the plan was discovered they claimed it was just a mistake and changed the part where it said people would be sent to "an isolation room ... before proceeding to their destruction" to saying they would proceed to their "destination." I think we all know where that is.

Obama is clearly using this to purge his enemies! Did the government create this "H1N1" project as a tool to induce mass hysteria and as an excuse to impose martial law and a Stalinist dictatorship ruled by Obama together with Hugo Chavez like has been Obama's plan from the beginning? These are questions that must be answered!

See the whitewashed memo here!

http://www.dhs.gov/ynews/releases/pr_1241056994692.shtm

The Register courageously broke this story. They must know how much danger they are in for having done so! Obama's jack booted henchmen will not let them escape!

----------------

So my question: does FEMA still have its own fleet of black helicopters, or does it charter the UN's?

0
0

Page:

This topic is closed for new posts.

Forums