A London gym is offering decent, hard-working citizens the chance to fight back against the hooded hordes of chavdom by administering alcopop-crazed yoof a righteous thrashing - courtesy of its "Chav Fighting" classes. According to Gymbox's blurb, you'll learn "how to take a Bacardi off a hoodie and turn a grunt into a whine" in …
Some of the other things they offer look great... Rave and Kangoo for instance!
However, bashing a chav will probably just get you banged up for assault or something :(
You intrigue me. I would like to know more about this Boob Aerobics.
Do you per chance have any example video footage of this activity? I feel it would deserve close examination.
Where's the investigative reporting??
Come on now, where is the investigative reporting? Aerobic pole dancing is exactly the thing El Reg should check out in person.
A whole new martial art...
I know Chav-fu!
Sort of funny...
but sort of dumb too - that gym will now get a lot of the wrong kind of attention
All I need to know is...
When are they opening a Birmingham franchise?
please, tell us more about this..
If youhaven't checked out their website...
Then you've missed a truly top-notch introductory video!
"and Pole Dancing - the latter, we hasten to add, as it's commonly understood, not the version where you fire an AK47 at the feet of an immigrant worker who's stolen your job."
But wheres the video?
Horribly inaccurate, everyone knows the chav only partakes in the odd fight when the odds are in their favour (eg: 20 to 1)
Thanks Reg, ... really thanks :-(
My current office has a very serious meeting going on and I stupidly followed your link and started watching the vids - its been very dificult to keep a straight face and not burst into tears of laughter. :)
Thats just too much
I have to take exception to "fire an AK47 at the feet of an immigrant worker who's stolen your job" ... it is racist comments like that which give the BNP a foothold in this country.
One of the greatest strengths of the UK is its ability to adsob other cultures and grow as a result, making racist comments like that and expecting them to be acceptable is undermining the strength of our great nation.
I'm sorry but if you have the attitude that you are better than anybody else in this country then you should track down your ancestry and piss off back to where you came from.
In the first episode of The New Avengers (series currently watchable on one of the BBC Digital channels), the delectable Purdey showed how the upper crust deal with low-lifes (Nazis in that case). A sharp kick in the balls.
I still prefer Emma Peel.
we demand bat'leth training next
Where are the photo's (playmobile)?
The Parkour video is the best!
The half-brick at ten paces always beats some posturing twat.
It's something that a martial arts instructor friend has always maintained as he's had to turn away several people who 'want to be protected and feel safe'. Give them a bit of an idea and they are immediate experts who end up in hospital, if they are lucky. They usually last as long as the "So, what do you do if someone with a knife demands your wallet?" they ask. "Give them the wallet, it can be replaced. Break their neck and you end up inside."
That and the first kick in the nuts usually wins.
They really could have avoided making the "innocent" party white and the chav assailant black.
Re: Thats just too much
See, I was going to take pity on you and reject that, but then...
I'll let everyone else explain it to you in words of one non-racist syllable, but suffice to say, it was a satirical play on the quite literally aggressive marketing of the gym. Read it again. See?
Incidentally, the author of this article is an immigrant. You, on the other hand, are a silly boy.
What about chavs...
...armed with bananas ? We need a course on how to disarm them.
You haven't been around El Reg for very long, one can tell...
@ Alain Moran
Alain. It's people like YOU that have succesfully removed humans' God-given right to laugh at themselves as well as others. Well done. Feel free to languish in you 'holier-than-thou' ambience and enjoy the (very limited) amount of reaction this retort has afforded you.
Glad to be of service.
How dare you?
"those hospital beds not filled with dying pig plague victims"
There seems to be humongous amounts of irony embedded in this sentence (far more than in a luminous wristwatch I would say). How dare you mock the very serious apocalyptic hyper-pandemic that is going to kill the whole humanity (and then some)? Are you trying to ruin the pharmaceutical industry? Are you a TERRORIST?
On the other hand, I heard this morning from a government-linked source that the number of knife attacks by recombinant bird-swine viral particles is on the rise. A classified document from the US department of Homeland Security reports possible links with islamist killer bananas from Costa Rica. Be vigilant!
Plenty of people do know, I personally learned it myself. Still trying to learn Klingon though.
As for chav fighting lessons, when are they opening a franchise near me? Sign me up!
@Thats just too much
>I have to take exception to "fire an AK47 at the feet of an immigrant worker who's stolen your job"
I think it's terrible that we are reduced to using foreign guns to fire at the feet of our immigrants.
In my day we used proper British guns.
Goes off to write to the Telegraph......
I don't think he was being serious, judging by the last sentence!
"then you should track down your ancestry and piss off back to where you came from"
or he could be exceptionally stupid......
It's just an advert...
for the gym, no? How much
It's not an article at all. How much did they pay for this?
Endorsing beating the crap out of poor, ill educated kids is hardly the way forward. Self defence, fine, but... is a `chav` someone who deserves a kicking just for being a `chav`? Yes, we all know the Reg is wonderfully tongue in cheek, ironic, and clever and yada yada but does that mean you can say whatever you like?
Encouraging white collars to bash poor kids is pretty sad.
Oh and yes, I've read the Reg for years thanks, and I do `get it`.
Having said that...
...the martial arts ponce vs the cage fighter vid is fucking hillarious.
Shhhh, don't feed the troll.
Moran is quite clearly a wordplay on "Moron". Either that or it's a perl script that unleashes a paragraph of rhetoric whenever it sees a suitable trigger.
To be honest the worst thing about a surveilance society is that the Real Life muppets like that would use it to lock up every risque joker for life.
Mines the one with the copy of children of men in the pocket
@ Alain Moran
Was I the only one to see the tongue in cheek, given away by the last comment in his post?
Maybe I was wrong.
@ Alain Moran
That is all
>I still prefer Emma Peel.
You bastard. I won't be able to walk straight for at least a week now.
Is this gym for real?
Honestly, can anyone confirm this place is real and not satire? lol
And .. what's the IT slant? There ain't even downloadable saucy vids :P
1, Disappointed I could not see 'Boob Aerobics'. *wonders at what that might entail*
2. Nike-Fu is under-rated. This is real imba if you can pull it off.
3. 'Glaswegian kisses' have been known to backfire. Useful? yeah but last resort technique for sure. Especially for sickly nerdy PFY's who've never taken a hit to their heads before.
Are chavs allowed to sign up?
Then one of them can learn the tricks and warn the others.
Come to Basildon, Essex - it's target rich enviroment here
I've heard of Krav Maga as a Martial art.
Are they teaching Chav Maga now?
Have at them sir!
Re: Is this gym for real?
Yes, I'm a member there.
I take some of the boxing classes, but not any of the ones mentioned. They exist though. Also, if you go at the right time of day you can get a good vantage point on boob aerobics from the treadmills. I'm not sure they'll let you in under the guise of "I thought it said moob aerobics" though.
Speaking as stew of several foreigners, including Polish, I'd rather have a laugh at myself than retard up my own backside like some.
In other news, chavs won't fight you unless they outnumber you at least 8 to 1.
That is all.
I live around the corner and walked past the gym on the way to work this morning... It's sure real!
Agree that we shouldn't be using some crappy foreign AK47 but a good old british Tommy gun ;-)
Paris, because she knows about boob aerobics... and pole dancing
The Thompson submachine gun (Tommy Gun) is an American submachine gun, invented by John T. Thompson in 1919.
The SMG you are referring to is probably the Sten gun.
I think that the smiley indicated that he was aware of the irony of his comment...
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