The swine flu has now mutated and combined with the Bird flu virus.

It's now called the Flying Pig flu! (Hey was I the first to say that on here?)

Flying pig flu, what a very suitable name for all those scare stories we are going to have to endure for weeks on end now until the media realises this isn't the apocalypse after all, once again.

Also I suspect a few weeks from now after all their scare mongering they will be telling *US* not to panic!

Then they can get back to droning on about Carbon footprints and rising sea levels.

*Yawn!*

...Smoked or unsmoked?

I know... I know.....

...that should get me through Monday afternoon :)

about a year ago the bbc were in full scaremonger mode with a panic about a swan in aberdeen with a slight cough.

this 'lethal' virus didn't seem to make it past hadrians wall though, so we're safe in our beds again.

have a quick look at the bbc 'have your say' forum and nobody gives a toss, we're actually more bothered about our taxes going up, so calm down bbc.

(sorry)

..the El Reg have a cron job that will delete this story in the unlikely event that zombie pig apocalypse *does* come to pass - otherwise, it'll be carved on the concrete sarcophagus erected over the site of the offices, as at terrible warning to us all.

As Carl Sagan pointed out, they may have laughed at Edison or Einstein, but they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

Then again,... 10:1 it's pure media hype fed by panicky pseudo-science types at flaky organisations like the WHO, the CDC and so forth. If they're right, we're all gonna die and it's TEOCAWKI. If they're wrong, the rational thing is to claim so now, so that after the event we say "See? told you so."

As obviously it is now the end of mankind and it's every person for themselves

Not

yes folks, exclusive news, their headline is 'Hell in the hospitals as swine flu hits UK'.

but fear not, read down the story and you find:

'No cases of swine flu, the new human strain of a virus usually associated with pigs, have been confirmed in Britain. '

and:

'Six people in CANADA were confirmed as having “very mild” cases of swine flu.'

yes, very mild. and:

'In NEW ZEALAND, of 19 students, 13 of them almost certainly had the virus'

yes, almost certainly.

and:

'in ISRAEL ..Tomer Vagim is in a hospital....showing suspicious symptoms.'

yes, suspicious.

oh, and worryingly:

'four more tourists were undergoing tests in FRANCE'

yes 4.

it's so bad that 2 people in scotland are in hospital:

'suffering “flu-like symptoms”, yes, 2.

and that businessman from Northamptonshire has now been cleared surprisingly, it's

'very good news' he said.

thank god that:

'Our authorities are gearing into action' otherwise we'd be totally fucked!

...I needed a good laugh after last week's shit-storm at work!

@Simon

I welcome our new Flying Pig flu overlords.

What was again the requisite to be one of those alpha males?

i love the responses that the vegetaraians are giving in some discussions e.g. beeb news some are saying it serves us carnivours right, others say they will be immune

epic lolz is all i say

This is virus associated with pigs that has spread to humans.

So logically the place to be safe would be somewhere where pigs are a big no-no.

Errrm....

So the middle east then....

Oh...

Loving the "track the outbreak" map on Sky:

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Interactive-Graphics/Swine-Flu-Map

Instant coffee for two weeks.

I probably won't be the first to say it - but who is Susan Boyle?

That map on Sky is ridiculous! UK is at threat level yellow! Click on it and you find that there are a couple of Scots with a cold.

This is why i don't read the news anymore, nothing left but the scaremongering.

LOL'd at the article though.

You might expect that of the Currant Bun, but one would hope for better from the Beeb, who are declaring that worldwide deaths could be as many as 220 million (or as low as 220, but we won't mention that). Their World at One (Radio4) featured a virus 'expert' who declared that the infection "will either plateau out or it will increase dramatically".

No shit, Sherlock.

Although it looks like someone has already jumped the gun judging by the Current Bun's illustration at the top of their article...

with no Register to read !

I'll go mad ............... and no 0ne will notice.

ALF

"Hey love this here mobile phone has a swine flu tester embedded in it and it says that you have caught the diease, please read this articles in the Daily Fail and realise you are about to drop dead from it and a quicky in the alley maybe your last chance (satifaction not guaranteed)."

As I remember Hong Kong was alot of fun during the Sars crisis. I was treated like a king being the only tourist there, courtesy of global fear. There wasn't a single daily mail reader in site, it was heavenly.

Might book a flight to Mexico to order bacon sarnies and tequila.

Call me when it is over 100 Million.

Even if it takes out 1/3 of humanity there is likely still twice as many people left as the planet can sustain.

I scored two whole loaves of bread left over and abandoned in the storeroom from last Friday's work BBQ so I am well-supplied for the coming apocalypse.

(Okay, it is 1:35 in the morning here and I am tired but can't sleep :-/)

ANd Packed all the Reg ladies off to a secure location. since appearantly you can be infected via PC i can only guess the lovely Miss Bee isn't able to moderate our comments form this location so who is ????

AC just incase Sarah doesn't see the funny side.

"It's now called the Flying Pig flu!"

Thanks. I now have a mission. If *anyone* mentions this swine flu to me in the next couple of weeks in passing, I now know what to say. "You mean the pig flu that has avian and human components as well?" "Yes, I have heard they are calling it the Flying Pig flu!"

You are now "they", Simon.

Thanks, El Reg, for finally adding some sense to this whole sorry saga.

Can I have a new keyboard, please?

"Keep Calm, and Carry On" surely?

"about a year ago the bbc were in full scaremonger mode with a panic about a swan in aberdeen with a slight cough."

"A swan in Aberdeen with a slight cough" - a textbook Blackadder-ism if ever there was one. Sir, I salute you! :-)

Mine's the one with "Cunning Plans for Dummies" in the pocket.

it was http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weils_Disease that we were all going to die from .

I (my 8 year old brain at the time) remember this was apparently because of the drought the streams were drying up making the rats piss more potent, and we were ALL GOING TO DIE !

Ahh well I'm gonna die eventually, I for one don't expect to be breathing in 2059, and it might just be porky-might-flew that got me. At present at least I've had another 33 years, since 1976.

Just think , if we kill 3500 people on Britain's roads every year, on average 67 have snuffed it in the last week alone, and out of the 110,000 per year smoking related deaths well somewhere around 2100 have snuffed it in the last week. What's the Daily Mail got to say about those ?

On the subject of smokers, maybe they should volunteer to be guinea-swine for flu-vacines, since they obviously don't give a stuff about their health, they could at least be useful to the rest of us non and ex smokers whilst they bugger up their lungs.

and finally here's to Death sweet Death, it will come and get us all in the end............

title says it all

Boris

Ack! See what happens when the telephone cleaners are all shipped off-world? :-(

Dave

I've caught it and now I'm going to have to spend eight weeks off work in quarantine and no one will be allowed anywhere near me. I'm being taken to a safe place for my own and everyone else's protections.

Mine's the one with the sun tan lotion in the pocket.

Flying pig flu ?!?!

no !!

It has aspects of pig, bird AND human flu there fore its....

*drumroll*

It's ManBirdPig !!... flu

Only Al Gore can save us now !

I fell out of my farkin' chair ...LOL!

I nominate Simon as the thread winner!

"Protect key staff by ... or ... whichever comes soonest."

Er, 'whichever comes sooner'?