Well, you've really outdone yourselves this time, haven't you? Earlier today, your comments to this sensitively-handled piece on the sad case of the Florida satnav lake incident prompted our Moderatrix, Sarah Bee, to quit her job at Vulture Central. We're obliged to those of you who immediately rang the office to seek assurance …
offered tea and a sympathetic ear
Tea? I thought you normaly offerd a double and a full strength superking? Always works for me.
Please get her to come back.
You offered her tea and an ear? It should be tea and biscuits, no wonder she cleared off sharpish.
I do hope she comes back. Tis hard to find a moderatrix that enjoys the grumbleflick art-form.
Sarah, Sarah, wherefore art thou Sarah?
Tea and sympathy? No wonder journalistic standards are slipping. In the good old days it would have been several large gins, a stiff rogering from the editor and straight back to work.
This is political correctness gone mad.
Now where's my Daily mail gone.....
You had me until.....
£30 for a pair of shoes?
The woman has more style than that......
You can't go Sarah
If you do, please take me with you.
Anonymously, but unanimously,
Does this mean Lester Haines is going, too?
"Sarah Bee" is obviously just the name Hainesey uses when he's pretending to be a woman.
Paris because ..... er ..... that's just the name she uses when she's pretending to be a hotel?
Well, she was right....
Assuming this isn't a further jape by the rapscallions of Vulture Towers, Ms Bee did have a very valid point.
I do hope we see her back. I think the lads got a little out of hand and have been suitably chastened for it.
Let me be the n-th person to say...
You got me for a moment with the sat nav story... I should not read the RSS feed before the first coffee in the morning.
Sat navs failures, tasers, PMS, overwheight Americans... That's what Odds and Sods is made of!
Nooo, tell me it's not true
My life would not be complete without the Moderatrix. I'm hoping this is all some elaborate April 1st joke - like the RAF for example...
Is there somewhere we can donate to the Sarah Bee shoe fund? She can do better than that.
Happy April's Fools Day to you too, El Reg!
glad to help
'Some dumbass Limey hack made the whole thing'
corrected for you, no need to thank me
RAF - Real April Fool
Those initials aren't a co-incidence you know.
Hopefully SB will be back soon to tell us off properly (oh yes!) since we obviously need controlling.
Of course us blokes could always say that it's our time of the month (I have my time of the month in 10-minute periods oops sorry, intervals.)
Ermm...yes well, we..ermm...quite like...hmph...you know....erm...having you around...kind of...ermm...yes. Anyway. Good.
Oh god, I've turned into Hugh Grant. Kill me now.
No, no, no, Please come back...
Please tell me its an April fool?
Being moderatrixed will never be the same again,
we will mss you Sarah, sob!
Just to put the record straight
I'm married. To a woman. So there.
Mind you, my wife is so insane that when she's on the rag it's like a holiday :)
Great flame btw Sarah, you purged a good bit of rage in that one.
Heart : because we know from the shit that gets through moderation that the stuff that doesn't must be truly hideous.
Even if its not...
... we're all entitled to opinion, whether the editors like it or not.
They have the power to remove/prevent posts they fall afoul of their guidelines, and I praise Sarah's judgement (she's never stopped one of my posts, and they often tread a fine line!), but it's not an easy task to allow us freedom of expression whilst retaining some degree of journalistic integrity at the same time.
Heat. Kitchen. If you stay in, Sarah, more power to you.
If not, at least you'll leave *nice* shoes to fill.
Her time of the month.
what, so moderating comments is actually her job?
i always assumed it was some kind of gig she had going on the side. then again, always thought it was strange for a woman to have a real job. all becomes clear...
What we need is a Ms Sarah Bee picture
If it gets enough "hits", will she come back?
Frankly, the timing sucks; having the painters in for April 1st is just too convenient.
Oh - and she sounds like she could be my wife. Let's see if her email is bouncing...... ;-)
In medieval times it was the occasional and special privilege of the jester to be able to say what he really thought of the monster that reigned and oppressed him for most of the year. Ms. Bee has clearly let go her bonnetfull under somewhat comparable circumstances. It may appear to be an appropriately seasonal jest, but don't be fooled. If you were young rams, she'd be after you with the rubber bands.
If she doesn't come back how can I apologise to her if Hello/OK/etc *don't* cover the Goody funeral for an undisclosed sum??
I hope it's just a Poisson d'Avril like the G20... I just heard that Gordo and Obie actually stood up and said 'NAHHHHH we haven't got a CLUE about how to fix the financial fuckup really.. APRIL FOOL!'
If Bee doesn't return...
You'll not be getting my business no further.
I'm on the point of suggesting a whip round for a soothing spa break for her, as a rehabilitation exercise. Or an afternoon in the pub, whichever would work best.
On a serious note- is it really wise to have a single individual modding all comments? Isn't that just begging for a stress-induced stroke claim on yer corporate health insurance.
And further- why doesn't Bee get more actual news stories/analysis pieces to do? She was a great writer back at the Melody Maker- waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay above the Maker's usual standards (which were always better than the NME's), and I refuse to believe she couldn't contribute better than some of your other bods
Also: If this is leg two of an April fools joke- you are evil.
What can you do?
is it just me?
Or did her rant make everyone else excited as well. Bet she wears leather and carries a whip! Punish me Sarah Punish Me! Or maybe I just outed myself as some kinda depraved weirdo either way, im still excited!
oh boo f**kin hoo!
why she take the job?..
She seems to have a problem reading the same comments time and again, so what!? we going to have some kind of filtering in place just in case someone at some point said the same thing and its on the 'pisses SBee off' list?
Honestly you'd think she'd never seen the interweb before.
*\. yeah yeah getting my coat.
Well fooled none the less. nice one
<snip>the afternoon off to ponder her future.</snip>
Is that some sort of euphemism?
But Ms Bee hasn't been in contact with me over this incident, and in future please use a capital P when spelling my name.
I'll get my coat and join Sarah for tea and ears.
On the one hand, tradition dictates that April Fool's jokes are only played until noon.
On the other hand, Sarah Bee flames out over a comment about PMS, and is placated with... shoes? Way to break away from the stereotypes there.
On the gripping hand, this is El Reg, so who knows *what* to believe?
So, who is moderating now? Is it perhaps.. Queeg? ;)
(wiki it, for those unfamiliar with old Red Dwarf episodes)
Shame on you lot
Despite what would appear to be a genuine (and genuinely angry) rant from Sarah, there's still the moronic comments on this story about it being 'her time of the month'. Yeah, that's gonna make her job easy to come back to. Let's see who can push her out permanently. Way to go, guys.
It hadn't occurred to me how bad the nixed comments might actually get. I hope your rant was an April fool, Sarah.
If the moody hag can't handle it, why the hell is she even here?
It's an IT website. IT is a sector dominated by men, stereotypically with either poor social skills, narcissistic tendencies bordering on Napoleon Complex, or outright misogynistic superiority.
Either Sarah failed to grasp that when she applied, or El Reg failed to asses her ability to handle it when hiring her. Either way, shucks. Guess there's an opening.
Where do we send the CV's??
See title :)
the long arm
Aargh... "John H. Armblaugh"... have only just spotted the obvious. Can't believe I was hooked, lined (?) and sunk for this long.
A better way to deal with the commenters today..
Only show the comments of people who believed the April fools.
Is it just me or does that make a load of comical sense.
If Miss Bee leaves ...
... it will not be a complete and utter disaster. If she does not have to waste her time dealing with commentards then she may have more time to spend on something useful like this: http://www.noliberties.com/book.htm
Who's moderating now?
I'm watching my peas and queues.
@If Bee doesn't return
"And further- why doesn't Bee get more actual news stories/analysis pieces to do? She was a great writer back at the Melody Maker- waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay above the Maker's usual standards (which were always better than the NME's), and I refuse to believe she couldn't contribute better than some of your other bods"
I had no idea she was already an experienced journo - what are el reg playing at then? Surely you can't expect her to stick at a job which only involves moderating crap comments? Give her some proper stuff to do.
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I was serenely independent and content before we met;
Surely I could always be that way again ?
And yet ...
I've grown accustomed to her look;
Accustomed to her voice;
Accustomed to her face.
But I'm a most forgiving man;
The sort who never could, ever would,
Take a position and staunchly never budge.
A most forgiving man.
But, I shall never take her back,
If she were even crawling on her knees.
Let her promise to atone;
Let her shiver, let her moan;
I'll slam the door and let the hell-cat freeze!
But I'm so used to hear her say
"Good morning" ev'ry day.
Her joys, her woes,
Her highs, her lows,
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I'm very grateful she's a woman
And so easy to forget;
Rather like a habit
One can always break-
I've grown accustomed to the trace
Of something in the air;
Accustomed to her face.
@Who's moderating now?
My guess is aManfrommars. Everybody look out!
Aw, the poor lamb...
Please tell Miss Bee that if she wants a longer break away from the madness that is London, I would be more than welcome to act as host up here in Aberdeen (that's Aberdeen, Scotland for any of our transatlantic cousins whose minds may have immediately wandered away to the plethora of Aberdeens that exist over there). I have a wide selection of teas, a sympathetic ear (I keep it in a jar) and an almighty crush on her. On second thoughts, perhaps you shouldn't tell her that last bit. Just tell her to get on the train.
"CVs" doesn't require an apostrophe. I don't think you need to bother... ;)
Sad Orwellian and mysoginistic references?
So if Ms Bee stays, does this mean i have to reduce my knee-jerk rants to considered witticisms?
I am absolutley not standing for it, and will tell my girl so as soon as the rubber solution sets and the patch is once again airtight.
(Mine is the one with the clever IT related geek strapline on it!)
iS tHER A Bee?
I tried to send flowers but the florist thought I was taking the piss.
Re Mike Dyne
That depends each of my personalities wants to send in their own one, so thats about 4 I will be sending in, hence the need for the apostrophe.
Sarah? I though he was called Eric!
Lah de dee, one two three, Sarah the Dominatrix Bee! :)
You just don't get it yet
A moderatrix called Sarah Bee?
Perchance that would be be an anagram of Bah Erase?
Yup, that explains all the nixed comments.
It's true - we *are* evil.
Before anyone cries post-midday-fool foul - this story was intended to be a sidelong fess-up. Obviously my esteemed colleague was a little too subtle, and rather than letting the cat out of the bag as was the idea, it seems only to have added more and more cats. Which we were then loath to disturb.
I can't say I haven't enjoyed and appreciated the accolades, sympathy, support, ears and increasingly outrageous offers, but I can't let you suffer any longer. It's actually been very touching, in all seriousness, and I feel a tiny bit mean. Only a tiny bit, mind.
So just to confirm, I'm not going anywhere, and it was all just larks. Although I'll happily take any shoe or spa vouchers going, and flowers are always welcome. I like lilies.
Happy April 1st, you 'orrible lot.
Don't go Sarah
The original story was quite clearly a joke and those of you who didn't immediately notice that
a) it was very silly, and
b) the only classic reg element it missed out was the Bulgarian airbag angle,
are rather dim.
Sarah's rant OTOH looked genuine I'm sorry to say. Please don't over-react Sarah. Yes, the PMS "jokes" are pretty pathetic. The "mines the..." jokes are frequently lame, but the contributors to this site are pointy heads not comedians so what do you expect. Lastly, try reading some of the comments on YouTube and then come back here. You'll see it really isn't as bad as all that.
- 'Kim Kardashian snaps naked selfies with a BLACKBERRY'. *Twitterati gasps*
- Pics Facebook's Oculus unveils 360-degree VR head tracking 'Crescent Bay' prototype
- Crawling from the Wreckage THE DEATH OF ECONOMICS: Aircraft design vs flat-lining financial models
- Bargain basement iPhone shoppers BEWARE! eBay exposes users to phishing vuln
- Something for the Weekend, Sir? Oh God the RUBBER on my SHAFT has gone wrong and is STICKING to things