A US reality TV 'star' was cuffed earlier this week for allegedly laying into her (now ex) fiancé with a cat, a laptop and, for good measure, a few apples, the New York Post reports. Kenley Collins, 26, is apparently a fashion designer and a finalist in something called Project Runway. Early on Wednesday morning, she suffered a …
"Regarding the cat, NYC animal control operatives said that "as long as the cat was not injured in the attack, they will not pursue cruelty charges". Disappointingly, the New York Post is unable to name either the make of the flying laptop or the variety of apples deployed during the domestic. ®"
but what was the cat's name?
Paris since I can see her doing this (except with a trained rat instead of a cat)
What about the breed of cat, or at least its colour if it's merely some random mog?
Perhaps it was an Apple laptop.
Can we have an update on the cat?
He had it coming, regardless of the rights or wrongs. At least she didn't bobbit him, just shook her little tushie a bit.
Hope the cat was a Siamese :-) And whose cat was it, anyway?
Let's remember the big picture:
Dog bites man - no news (rape)
Man bites dog - news (castration)
(Paris cos she, like Mr Bobbit (now showing his stitched-back dick to punters in Nevada), knows a thing or two about self-advertising)
Waste of space!
Another waste of space human being, using the media to further their pointless and pathetic drive for fame and glory.
One day Red Dwarf's Inquisitor will catch up with all these pointless "celebutards", like Ms Goody et all, deal with them appropriately!
... an El Reg Playmobil reconstruction!!!
Wait for it ....
Perhaps the laptop was an "Apple" Mac
Part of me is impressed with the ingenuity of the assailant. But this pales in comparison to the fact that the cat was classed as a 'weapon'!! I mean, come on, a fecking CAT!! What sort of cat? I can understand deploying a tiger or such like at a hapless target, but hurling a Prussian Blue at someone probably won't cut the mustard. Plus, if you own more than one cat, does this constitute an arsenal?
Only in America, folks.....(drifts off to Mayor West's Cat Launcher in Family Guy..).
And she used water.. After the cat!? Cats hate water. Cat gets upset. Claws man to death... Inventive..
Paris, 'cos she's got a wet cat... ahem..
Ahh she's been watching too much of the Simpsons and copying the Cat Lady. Funny I thought chucking cats at people was only the sort of things women who are quallified doctors and lawers do (if you're a fan of the Simpsons you'll know what I mean).
Mine's the one with the bag of kittens in the pocket.
"and threw a cat at her boyf - 28-year-old Zak Penley - as the poor bloke was asleep ... Her victim fell to the floor"
Or are you talking about the cat?
Though I'm not sure what Optimus Prime will be doing
Good job they have fallen out - a marriage would've resulted in the name Kenley Penley.
Kenley Collins, 26...... 28-year-old Zak Penley
Kenley Penley would have been an interesting name....
and you realise we will need a playmobil reconstruction.... it has to be done.... even the NHS are getting in on the act, in our "birthing" classes recently they showed us how a cesarean operating room works, they even had a drip, a cot, and indian consultant surgeons in turbans... made the class really
Death of Investigative Reporting
"Disappointingly, the New York Post is unable to name either the make of the flying laptop or the variety of apples deployed during the domestic."
Disappointingly, it didn't even occur to The Register that the breed of the cat is also not mentioned.
Thats one way to do it...
Wow so now even a cat is classed as a weapon?! ... I guess thats one way to find weapons of mass political distraction. They simply need to classify everything as a weapon. At that rate, I guess a few kilos of apples would be considered weapons of mass mastication. :)
Paris, 'cos, well lets face it, she, like Kenley Collins, and Naomi Campbell, are all part of the insecure attention seeking wanna-bee-a-celeb-please-please brigade, which psychologists call Histrionic Personality Disorder (i.e. "HPD, defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness") ... Sadly since (un)reality TV took over in the UK, most of them on TV now seem to fit this irritating freak show group.
Any word yet on if the cat is going to sue? ... If it hires a good PR agent, it could get its own prime time talk show out of this publicity.
Could have a been joke in there
If only we knew the laptop brand
If she wanted to break up
She could have just left without waking him up, or at most, said "I'm outta here." The violence says she's psycho or looking for publicity, or both.
Breed of cat
Let's see ... getting hit by a 15kg Maine Coon could cause concussion, whilst felis nigripus maxes out at 1.5kg - a weight factor difference of 10. On the other hand nigripus is a ferocious little beast which would do a lot more damage when it hit, whilst a Maine Coon would probably go to sleep on your face.
Personally, I think the ideal cat to lob at someone you seriously dislike would be a liger, but at half a ton, you'd need to get a trebuchet into the bedroom first .
Joke alert, because as a serious feliophile the author does not support the use of cats as domestic light artillery.
Only in America
I can totally understand a cat being classed as a weapon if it was a fully grown african lion and she had rammed a stun gun up its ass for good measure, but anythign short of that is just your normal american over reacting.
and the punishment for this crime?
I hear cries of . . . "give 'em the cat"
Look at how easy it is for a woman to get away with domestic violence. Look at how everyone jokes about it.
Now of the bloke had slammed her head in a door and threw a laptop at her, would the same funny comments be made?
If he had struck her in self defence, he would have been led off in cuffs.
Gets pussy without asking, gets a free laptop, she brings him a drink and serves him fruit and then she sods off.
Many would call that domestic bliss.
Paris, her pussy has seen some action along the way
Post Cat Mortar Stress Disorder
Mr Penley will be emotionally scarred for life. Seen it before, a grown man suffering from PCMSD, deathly afraid of puss. Apparently, his sister threw cats at him as a child and he has been traumatized by felines, big and small, ever since. Not a wimpy man, mind you, but a manly, mountain man who's past-times include gutting wild game and bar fighting. Traumatic.
Mine's the one w/ the cat-apult in the pocket.
RE: Domestic violence
"Now of the bloke had slammed her head in a door and threw a laptop at her, would the same funny comments be made?"
Depends... is he wearing a jesters outfit, and is she called Judy?? THATS THE WAY TO DO IT!! *smack*
Cheer up AC... she said he got what he wanted, what more can you want?
This is not the first time a pussy has been used as a weapon.
For some reason I keep seeing a B-52 bomber dropping cats on our enemies.
which pussy has the harder nails
ah, er , the xmissy did not want to break her claws, so she threw the pussy that had harder and sharper nails [claws].
but my question, if he was asleep, who told the cops about the cat being thrown?
did she give up her 5th right to self incrimination ?
or are we going to see a video [ and more ah reveling pics elsewhere ] ?
or where there claw marks on him ? [in which case screw peta , charge the cat for assault !]
[70 % of domestic violence is started by females ,but, 90% percent of males are arrested in the domestic disputes ! so much for equality ! ]
"you'd need to get a trebuchet into the bedroom first"
Led a bit of a sheltered life, I imagine, if you don't already have one of these in the bedroom.
In other news...
In a press release issued earlier today, the TSA confirmed that cats, laptops and apples would now be prohibited from aircraft cabins, effective immediately.
That She didn't get nailed for assault with a deadly weapon(tossing a lap top at the guy), Inferring with an emergency call ( toss apple at him while dialing 911) and attempted murder for slamming the door on his head. From what I read the weapons charge will be the Laptop not the cat .
Done that, got a t-shirt. Second wife chucked a lamp, two clock radios, and glass full of tea at my head. Before proceeding to latch onto me and rip my back to shreds with her keys then block the door to our apartment so I couldn't leave. Over all this guy is lucky as that kind of behavior (while sometimes humorous after the fact) is still indicative of serious issues. Though in this case I suspect it's more just another wanna be celebutard trying desperately to get any publicity at all.
@AC 16:39. Given how hyper sensitive police are here in the states to domestic abuse. Yes he would have been arrested as well and a full blown investigation would have ensued to determine what charges would be files and against whom.
Re: Cat as a weapon
Actually, anything capable of causing significant damage becomes a weapon the moment you use it as such. Depending on the size of the cat and how it was thrown, you could really hurt someone that way. I'd rather see the whole thing handled as "assault and battery with a weapon" as opposed to "unlawful possession of a weapon," but I would totally classify the cat as a weapon in this context.
Law: "Cheer up AC... she said he got what he wanted, what more can you want?"
Well, I can say that you wanted a cattle prod rammed up your posterior, but that doesn't make it true, does it? No, I have to agree with AC 16:39 on this one.
Cats are weapons?
Having a cat thrown at you could be quite painful, seeing as they're naturally inclined to land claws out, but surely the door or even the laptop would be more likely to cause serious injury.
"Personally, I think the ideal cat to lob at someone you seriously dislike would be a liger, but at half a ton, you'd need to get a trebuchet into the bedroom first ."
I would think a Catapult would be a better choice.
Cats make pretty good weapons - I got one thrown at me once at a party still & have the claw marks on me. Hate cats now lol
cat, computer & fruit
S'obvious - the whole thing was sponsored by Steve Jobs. The cat was called Snowflake (as owned by LISA Simspon), the fruit was Macintosh apples and the laptop was a Sony Vaio TX-770.
RE: Weaponized felines
"Law: "Cheer up AC... she said he got what he wanted, what more can you want?"
Well, I can say that you wanted a cattle prod rammed up your posterior, but that doesn't make it true, does it? No, I have to agree with AC 16:39 on this one."
*looks through bedroom window on street view* .... well you didn't find out on there.... ??? .... *checks for hidden cameras*..... ??? ..... maybe the wife's been blabbing again.... bugger
"Actually, anything capable of causing significant damage becomes a weapon the moment you use it as such."
So are you telling me should my 2 yr old nephew smack me in the eye with his toy car like he did this week, I could have got him arrested?! Awesome..... *dials 112*
Paris... because even SHE knew it was a sarcastic JOKE!
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