back to article US warboffins update Where Eagles Dare gizmo-bombs

Who here remembers the nifty little gizmo-bombs used so inventively by Clint Eastwood and Richard Burton in WWII flick Where Eagles Dare? If you liked them, it seems you're not alone, as US special ops Q-Branch boffins are now looking to buy a detonator unit with even more functions. The boffins in question are those of the …

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Happy

A whole day?

"With a box of tricks like this and a few sticks of C4/PE4, no alpine castle full of Nazis would last a day" - "Next time Major, make it an all British affair" Priceless!

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Gone Phishing .....

Lewis,

You forgot to give us the Money Shot ....... or not, as may be.

"It should be noted that the Government plans to utilize employees from Science Applications International Corporation (SAIC), Wexford Group International (WGI), Booz Allen Hamilton (BAH) and possibly other direct Government contractors as advisors to the Government. At the current time, NO FUNDING IS AVAILABLE for contractual efforts. This sources sought synopsis does not constitute an Invitation for Bids (IFB), a Request for Quote (RFQ), or a Request for Proposal (RFP) and it should not be construed as a commitment of any kind by the government to issue a formal solicitation or ultimately award a contract. The US Government is in no way liable to pay for or reimburse any companies or entities that respond to this announcement. Any costs incurred by interested companies in response to this announcement will NOT be reimbursed.

The Government will not provide payment for any information provided in responses to this announcement, nor will the Government return any data provided. All data provided will be for official Government use only." ...... [from the Word doc.]

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Pity is isn't DARPA

This one is worthy of the DoD's primary Mad Scientist resource.

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Keeping up appearances

So the enemy have all these really nify IED type things, and now we want them too? Crikey, who'd have thought?

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Go

Lewis for President

"NSW-Crane also require a breaching initiator for blowing in doors (or simply creating doors where there were none before)"

A classic example of Lewis-style irreverence - I redecorated my monitor reading this one!

Lewis, you are one of the main reasons why I still read El Reg - fantastic! Keep it up.

On a side note, the marked increase in unjustified effing and blinding in some articles (Ted Dziuba, I'm looking at you) is really starting to put me off this rather excellent site and if it wasn't for the likes of Page and Haines I'd have left by now. Please stop it.

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I'm going to have to dig out a copy now

I'm also going to have the theme in my head for the rest of the day

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Happy

eleven fathoms?

I want to know what that is in terms of Olympic sized swimming pools and double decker busses

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Black Helicopters

Pusser

"Lewis Page used to blow stuff up all the time for the British government. Nobody ever gave him anything as nifty as this. That said, supplies of black masking tape were generous."

You could get Black Maskers! How many FAA paraffin budgies were sat on the deck 'cos we couldn't get any Black Maskers.

We had to get on our hands & knees and BEG to get a single roll of the stuff. Now I know where it all went.

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The cost

for $300 a unit I'll put a PIC in a nice steel box with a detinator. I'll even include some rubber bits so it doesn't move about too much.

I'll also keep $250 a unit as profit.

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Timer

I hope the timer has a large red LED display showing how much time is left to detonation. Otherwise people won't be able to defuse it with only 2 seconds left.

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Does it have...?

A red wire and a blue wire for the oh-so-tense 'can he stop the bomb, save the ship and marry the gorilla' finale?

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Surely I can't be the first to say...

Broadsword calling Danny Boy, Broadsword calling Danny Boy....

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Anonymous Coward

Timer

.REQUIREMENT: The wire that makes it go bang MUST be the red one.

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Also needed:

in addition to " a timer, able to go off at a set time or after counting down a set period", it should have a red flashing light and a digital countdown clock accompanied by a loud beep.

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Timer

Of course any real supervillain would know that the timer should go off when displaying 10, while the hero is still smiling at the camera.

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Black Helicopters

Don't forget the RFID module !

Handy for when the "Bin Lauden(?) (occupation=evildoer)" passport passes by a convenient bomb site;

or George Dubaya ( mission accomplished) Bush

or ..........................

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They'll cost $300?

How about $49.95, made in China?

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Anonymous Coward

the clever bit?

"a standard connection/interface to be used with all attachable accessories...ie any source input signal can be recognized and used to initiate the base unit"

That would be a Universal Splosives Bus?

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Stop

Wow..."Where Eagles Dare"...

God damn; I'd almost forgotten what an awesome movie that was.

The key word here is "movie". Somebody needs to tell those DARPA bozos that "Where Eagles Dare" was a friggin' _movie_, not a proof-of-concept demonstration.

Sighhh. Looks like DARPA's passed from the hands of guys who've read too many Hugo Gernsback magazines to guys who've watched too many episodes of "Star Trek" to guys who've read too much William Gibson to guys who've watched too many episodes of "Stargate SG1".

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we did it long ago

Get a copy of Winston Churchills Toyshop. They built similar gadgets in tobacco tin sized boxes.

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I had to read this twice...

...before I realised NSW-Crane didn't mean "Not Safe For Work"-Crane.

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