A 23-year-old male from the Dominican Republic spent five days in hospital suffering from an attack of priapism while doctors battled in vain to encourage his hideously empurpled member to succumb to deflatory treatment. According to Peru's El Comercio, Antonio Rosa admitted to having quaffed "sexual stimulants" mixed with booze …
Send in Ann Widdecombe!
do I really need to explain...?
He wasn't downloading "One Night In Paris" over a 56k line was he?
My woman wouldnt get out of bed for that!
One has to wonder...
"...We carried out the usual treatments to encourage the penis to soften."
Eh? What are those then? Does one of them involve a pretty nurse in the best Benny Hill style?
Paris would know what to do.
hard hitting journalism, straight to the point, upstanding source, etc., et c.
Shouldn't the doctors be battling in VEIN!!!
Mine's the one with the Viagra in the pocket..
Nothing to add.....
but Paris, because she knows what to do in this kind of emergency.
Six day stiffy?
My wife'd be happy if I had a six minute stiffy!
It's true what they say, auld age disnae come itsel!
I'll bet that experience will curb his enthusiasm for a while.
No mention of whether his "female friend" was happy with the non fading erection or not!
Barely amusing and what the frak has this go to do with IT?
Oh come on. This wouldn't have even made it into a medical journal. Please stick to IT related subjects. If I wanted to read stupid stories about super uncontrollable stiffies I'd be browsing a completely different website.
This is Reg-worthy...how?
"stiffy"...hur hur hur.
Oh, I appear to have navigated to a Beavis & Butthead quote site.
V poor. Stick to the 'tech, kids.
"...We carried out the usual treatments to encourage the penis to soften."
I hope he went private, they have nicer nurses for that kind of thing.
makes you wonder...
...where he hung his coat
@AC(s) re: IT?
Look it up.
Then go back to steaming up your glasses whilst underlining all the rude words in library books
"the usual treatments"
At least he didn't get "The gush"
In the words of the old adage ...
... waste not, want not!
Single guy (or married!)??
I can only presume so, otherwise surely his girly would have more likely have kept him locked in the bedroom rather than bundled off to hospital?! :-D
*Awaits comment from Sarah Bee regarding girlfriend-nympho stereotyping...*
The usual treatment .....
Would involve getting some of the blood hideously empurpie-ing his member out of said member. This generally involves a surgeon and something sharp. Whilst a distinctly unpleasant prospect, it beats gangrene followed his tadger dropping off, which would be distinct possibility. Regular grade impotence could result even if it didn't rot off.
Neither prospect would be too appealling one suspects.
drugs (the usual suspect - that favourite of spammers everywhere), booze and testosterone, an explosive mixture and a known complication of Friday and Saturday nights at casualty departments everywhere....
@ This is Reg-worthy...how?
You must be new here...
Nothing unusual then?
"We carried out the usual treatments"
This is obviously seems like something that they have to deal with on a regular basis!
Re: Single guy (or married!)??
Nope, no comment from me on this one - consider me pre-defeated, on all counts.
At least he won't roll out of bed.
"Thanks to Chris Winpenny for the hard news tip."
The word "news" is pushing it a bit eh Lester?
@Barely amusing and what the frak has this go to do with IT?
Well lets see what this could have to do with IT.
He cannot get access to porn on the internet as he cannot get his chair in close enough to the desktop due to his unlucky situation.
Now think about all the poor old IT admins who were thinking about taking some blue pills before a pint at the local this Friday will now get to think twice.
There I have tied it in two seperate ways to an IT angle.
I think it's a picture of my Nan in her unmentionables.
why, was he on the receiving end?
The usual treatment
I've heard about this "treatment". They get a really ugly fat nurse to whack it with a cold spoon.
@AC re it?
What part of "Dominican lad suffers six-day stiffy " contained in "Bootnotes" led you to believe it might be an IT related story....
I'm guessing you have a 6 day stiffy growing out of your forehead....
I agree there is zero IT content, but if Reg didn't bring these stories to our attention we would miss the intelligent and witty comments. I fear that Beavis and Butthead's comments would not have been as good!
Keep it up Reg, even IT people need a laugh! (or should I leave the "even" out?)
you'd have taken full advantage of it for 3 days (taking painkillers as neccesary) then headed off to hospital.
When the genie from the lamp asked him what he wanted, the tired young man misspoke slightly and said "I'm knackered, man- I just want my 40 wanks, you know?"
Seriously, though- poor guy! That'd hurt!
Am I the only one to have read the strapline as involving a monk?
I've been exposed to several creative films friends have bought back from their trips abroad which would have cured him quick-smart (I mean seriously, how many people can honestly be into asian amputee midgets?)
That reminded me that some years back a friend (honest) reported that he had suffered an unwanted, er, uprising during a hospital appointment and the nurse gave him a glass of very cold water. Moments later she very sternly said "you weren't meant to drink that".
" Am I the only one to have read the strapline as involving a monk?"
Still, full marks for use of the word 'empurpled' - it's now word-of-the-day in our office. High praise indeed :-)
So why did you read it then?
To all the people complaining about the lack of IT content in this article....
Why did you read it?
when you saw the title ‘DOMINICAN LAD SUFFERS SIX-DAY STIFFY’ what IT content exactly were you expecting to find?
A review of a new Dell Blade Chassis perhaps? Or maybe an insightful article about the benefits that a new processor architecture will bring to low power computing?
Which bit of ‘DOMINICAN LAD SUFFERS SIX-DAY STIFFY’ did you find misleading?
Re: So why did you read it then?
>A review of a new Dell Blade Chassis perhaps?
Bugger, I have a rather embarrassing need to find out how they cured the poor lad.
"We carried out the usual treatments to encourage the penis to soften, but didn't manage to obtain the desired result."
Odd. Pictures of Rosie O'Donnell in a thong usually works for this sort of thing.
Oh, thank you *very* much! Some of us have dates tonight, y'know!
*Looking for the cheese-grater in my pocket so I can scrape my lobes of that awful image*
Anyone else find this a bit odd?
"Free whitepaper – Best practices in SOX compliance"
A use of a sock, repeatedly, could have the right help...
I think my heart just stopped there for a moment....
@David Hill - even IT people need a laugh! (or should I leave the "even" out?
erm, make that "especially"
Should of showed him a tape of Janet Reno doing bob dole with Hillary Clinton
erecting a stiff defense for the poor lad
I feel I have to take a stand for this poor lad, if only because no-one else wood. Just because every Tom, Dick and Harry don't take meds willy-nilly doesn't mean you have to be so hard-on him. "Stick nor stone nowt break his bone" you may say, but remember that the penis mightier than the sword. You would do well to re-member that.
Mine's the one with the deep pockets.
No IT angle??
Come on - hardened Dominican server has 6 day uptime, nobody seems to be able to take the thing down.
To just going out for a stiff one at the pub.
I'm here all week.
RE: IT angle
The man had a Stiffy. Old tech, but still. Shame if it was only 3.5"
Erectile dysfunction at its worst !!
Please spare a kind thought to the poor lad when he has to use his *lap*top !! Why, the keyboard will be slanted in an RSI-inducing angle and he might be unfairly accused of auto-stimulation !!
There, an IT angle (pun intended) !!
- BENDY iPhone 6, you say? Pah, warp claims are bent out of shape: Consumer Reports
- NASA rover Curiosity drills HOLE in MARS 'GOLF COURSE'
- WHY did Sunday Mirror stoop to slurping selfies for smut sting?
- Business is back, baby! Hasta la VISTA, Win 8... Oh, yeah, Windows 9
- Shellshock: 'Larger scale attack' on its way, warn securo-bods