The AA has judged that Bob's Big Bite in Stourbridge is where weary travellers can refuel with Blighty's best bacon sarnie - a combination "solid back bacon" between "robust" hand-sliced bread presented on "a real plate with a paper napkin", as the Telegraph puts it. The agreeable task of choosing the winner fell to the AA's …
Lee Evans Sketch
Any body Remember that Lee Evans Sketch when he was on about AA Aproved Hotels?
Basicaly he said chap from the AA walked in and and went "Yeh thats alright" and walked off....
But where is this Mecca?
GPS co-ordinates? Google Map Ref? ANYTHING!!!!!?????
You can't just go round willy-nilly dangling hope of this Shangri-La only to then not actually say exactly where it is. It's cruel. Inhuman, even.
I DEMAND satisfaction Sir!
No mention of the HP sauce which, as everyone knows, is what makes a bacon sarnie truly great...
The Sun Inn
I can't remember exactly where it is/was (it was almost thirty years ago), but the Sun Inn in the Dales had the best pub food I ever had ... I *think* it was in the vicinity of Skipton / Pateley Bridge / Otley ... Wharfedale-ish, anyway. I'm drooling at the thought of one of their bacon sarnies, at 1:40am Pacific time ... Was a good place for a pint & a bite. Or three of each.
The icing was that the publican personally went to Ireland to bring back Guinness (which doesn't travel worth a shit, unless you baby it) ... Good food, the best Yorkshire bitter, and the best Guinness outside Ireland. All beers hand-drawn, and all food served with love.
I have permanent roots in Northern California, but sometimes I really miss the Yorkshire Dales.
Mmmm... Woven bacon
no HP sauce?
Sounds like the sort of research I could easily do. Where do I sign? Just for the record, Mickey's Diner (best toilets!) is near me and is not actually in Aylesford village. It's on the the A229, halfway up Bluebell Hill in Kent, north-bound carriageway, next to the Shell garage. I'll call in for the cheque later.
The only people grilling bacon are southern health-obssessed twonks.
I come from Stourbridge! That's great. I feel almost starstruck. Saying that, though, I can't work out where Bob's Big Bite is - can anyone shed light?
Bacon is a vegetable
Thanks for that, now I'm f'in starvin'!
RE: Fry it
Fry it????? Wimp…
COVER IT IN BATTER AND DEEP FRY!!!
Or better yet, batter the entire sarnie and deep fry it…. makes me hungry just thinking about it… even better, add some cheese and haggis in there before you batter it… man I’m hungry now… have flour, eggs, water and Mars bar. Let Masterchef begin…
Oh come on - lets have some integrity in reporting
You don't mention if the bread should be buttered or not for the perfect bacon sarnie.
That's pathetic - and did they investigate the effect of both salted and un-salted butter?
I guess it is true - modern educational establishments really have lost their edge.
HP isn't the best sauce for a bacon sandwich, the best sauce for a bacon sandwich is the best sauce full stop, and that is HP'S SPICEY WOODSMOKE BBQ SAUCE
Try it with a bacon sandwich it's the nuts!! I don't think i'll consume another condiment as long as I live, until I find a better one
Don't bother with the 'non-spicey' woodsmoke's though, they're not as good, and don't get the jack daniels one either, its twice the price for half as much and its not really very nice at all! bleurgH!
Fifty eateries in one month equals at the very least 1.61 bacon sandwiches per day. Put like that, it sounds unexceptional, but I assume he spent some time off, and he must have occasionally found himself in an area with a high density of cafes. It would be interesting to know the maximum number of bacon sandwiches he had during a single 24-hour period, and whether he was sick afterwards, and how much toilet paper he went through. Presumably some sandwiches were more filling than others.
So (to copy an advert slightly), where the bloody hell are they? Can't find Bob on Google Maps, on the AA site, or in Tomtom. I can't be driving round willy, or indeed nilly asking for big bobs bites. I shall have to continue to frequent my best bacon sarnie outlet (Busters, home of the Belly Buster) in Darlaston, West Midlands (round the corner from Ikea off of M6 J9 ).
@ Matt Smart
Sorry folks - unless you're from the area then this is likely to bore the pants off you. Ho hum.
Matt, I'm 15 minutes away from Stourbridge via the rabbit run (make that 10 when it's quiet!) and I can't think where it could be either. The only roadside cafe I can recall is on the A491 as you come off J4A of the M5 - and that's not Stourbridge! So unless it's on one of the main routes in/out (A449, A491, A458) then I'd be a bit stumped where to start finding the place.
Of course, it might appear in the Express & Star, but you'll know as well as me that it's the worst paper in the world and they'll get the location completely wrong.
Thinking about it, wasn't there a roadside place off the ring road going towards Lye?
I'd suggest putting this on Twitter* but I think that would incur the wrath of Web Goth Orlowski!
* I don't use Twitter by the way. It's for tossers.
Hp sauce plus fried bread.
Ambrosia and nectar.
I feel proud that Maidstone has produced the best toilet...
@ No HP sauce
Of course not. A "perfect" bacon sandwich has no need of HP Filth or any other sauce.
Bread, butter and bacon is all.
The best bacon butty in Britain
Is made by my Mum. Understandably, I only have it once or twice a year. She always makes the mistake of half filling the pan with olive oil such that the bacon is completely covered. Then there's the butter she puts on the bed (oh yes, the taste of bacon, bacon fat, butter and HP combined) and then there's the fact that once she's made the bacon sarnie, she dips the sarnie in the olive oil/bacon fat.
As I said, once or twice a year at most. The best things in life might not be free but are, quite frankly, lethal to us mere mortals.
This is the location of the cafe, I'll be sure to stop in there next time I'm in the area...
Who am I kidding, I'll make a special trip. What's the carbon footprint of a bacon sandwich?
Paris, because I'll be sure to hold the sandwich vertically.
Those researchers made a few miscalculations. The ideal bacon sarnie has 3 slices of toasted bread, 4 rashers of crispy bacon, lettuce, tomato, brown sauce and a bit of mayo, and it's currently on a plate in front of me. Cheers for the inspiration!
Butter? (& @Nick)
Butter? Are you lot all poofs or something?
The best bacon sarnie is done using a frying pan containing a small scoop of lard.
One slice of the sandwich should be fried bread, dipped in the same pan as the bacon.
No red sauce unles you're under 9 and being . A drizzle of Daddie's is allowed.
Wash down with a large mug (faded blue stripe is recommended) of strong tea with two sugars and a splash of whole milk. Gulp it, don't sip like a fairy trying my home brew! And anyone even thinking of a latte should leave right now. Jumped up ponce.
Nick, been to Busters a few times, good nosh there. My favourites were Jean's Cafe on the Bilston Road in Wolverhampton and a place in Helena Street in Brum (look for the mucky book shop in Edward Street and it's just round the corner)
Isn't it great that you can count on The Register to give you tips about fine dining?
Re: It's here...
What? He sells his wears from the back of his silver Ford Mondeo?
Doesn't sound right to me - are you sure?
Bunch of heathen!
Any red-blooded American knows that the culmination of the bacon+bread experience is the BLT: bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Mayo is optional; the bread may be toasted or not.
no HP, no Daddies, no nothing
Wimps, the lots of you. Fried bacon, hand-sliced white bread, good and thick, and the hot, hot greasy bacon straight into the butty, fold butty and eat. Good bacon needs no adornment.
In Canada, a bit of butter on the bread, as the best Canadian back bacon is slightly less greasy.
Heaven hold no greater promise of rapture, nor earth a crown.
You all have it wrong.
Fry lots of bacon, smoked if you have it, in some goose fat. Fry it hot and make sure you have decent bacon dry cured and not crappy wattery bacon that drips water all over the pan
Toast at least 2 very thick slices of bread. uncut or sliced is ok. make sure its proper white bread as well..
Fry an egg or two in the bacon/goose fat and add to the sarnie. Add sause eitehr brown, HP, or tomato. BBQ can be added if you are weird.
Use butter on the toast.
Extra mature cheese can be grated or sliced into teh sarnie as well.
@ Les Matthew
2nd brown sauce or GTFO
and what no cheese? bah
I reckon you have to do about 200 miles if you want a decent abcon sandwich, a proper cup of tea and a comfort break.
Well i can going to mega bites, it's only just round the corner, i'll be buggered if i'm going to Stourbridge to get the sarnie to go with it though.
HP (but not much). No cheese. No salad. Brown bread.
Also it should really be British bacon because the industry's in a state and we treat our pigs slightly less badly than everyone else as I understand it.
@ Pete James
(Again, non-Stourbridge folk, sorry).
Pete, a friend of mine has done some research (!) and found it's on St. John's Road. Which is (you guessed it) the little caravan on the ring road. Can't believe it, I've always avoided the place! Will certainly be going there to sample it now.
Incidentally, For my "quality" "local news" I'll rely on the Chronicle;) (although I'm Halesowenian now).
Sausage and egg sandwich
3 bits of thick, non-watery bacon, fried to how you like.
Thinly sliced onion and mushrooms fried in the bacon fat with black pepper. Healthy crap like tomato and lettuce optional.
One egg fried in bacon fat with gooey runny yolk with a turn of the black pepper too.
2 bits of toasted bread, buttered, 1 slice of fresh soft bread with optional sauce (brown/red/mayo/salad cream/sweetcorn relish) – I prefer it unsullied.
Bacon goes on the buttered toast with onions and mushrooms on top, then the untoasted slice with sauce (if there) on the side facing the onions and mushroom and healthy crap if that is included.
Egg goes on top of the untoasted bread and yolk is popped on the down side so it leaks into the untoasted bread.
Second piece of toast goes on top.
Serve with strong tea.
How the hell does one "break" raw bacon, as in the quoted formula? No matter how many Newtons one applies, it's hard to imagine the bacon doing anything other than bending.
Pitty you don't get this sort of thing on Master Chef.
So what are you going to cook for us Bob?
Well let's see I thought we'd start with battered Mars bar canapes.
Followed by a triple decker of bacon, sausage and egg sarnie. All fried in lard on home made white bread, slaughtered in a Tomato ketchup Jus.
A mint imperial to cleanse the palette, before finishing with a rum and sherry, strawberry trifle with custard.
Washed down with 12 sugars in a mug of tea strong enough to strip the enamel off yer tuttie-pegs.
If masterchef was like that I might watch it more often.
New one on me .,.. WTF is "watery bacon"?
On second thought, maybe I don't want to know ...
@Matt Smart/Pete James
I've only just discovered this, but yes it's the one opposite the BP Garage on the ring road! Which is great news as i live inside the Ring Road... i can see where i'm heading this weekend!
Cracking news... though it's one hell of a drive to get the best cuppa to go with it mind....
Anonymous Coward @ 12:48 GMT
Your mum puts butter on your bed?
If that's a Freudian slip I don't think I want to know you.
@Bunch of heathen!
Americans don't know what real bacon is! All you can get in this Godforsaken country is thin strips of crunchy flavourless gristle, and a lot of the time it's sweetened!
Can someone please try this bacon butty and let me know if it really is as good as they say before I book my flights. I haven't had a proper bacon butty in over a year and I don't want it to be an anticlimax.
I live literally 100 yards from it.. i will indeed sample it on Saturday for you and post back if able!
American bacon - is a trades description act issue!
@Zargof & @Scott Mckenzie
"Americans don't know what real bacon is!"
"American bacon - is a trades description act issue!"
Eh? Granted that I generally cure my own, rather than purchase the plastic-wrapped crap that most of America thinks is bacon, it's pretty easy to find real bacon, in several varieties, here in the states. It can get spendy, but if you know your butcher, even at yuppie chain supermarkets (Whole Foods springs to mind), they will be happy to get the it in if you ask. Locally, we have the Sonoma Market, which does a pretty good job with animal/fish/fowl protein.
As a side note, I figured out what "watery bacon" is ... Who in their right mind would EVER purchase ANY variety of meat that has been injected with a water-based liquid? Heathens!
@Jake: The Sun Inn
I think you may be thinking of The Sun Inn, Osmotherly - which I think is in the Moors, not the Dales.
This had unbelievably good food for a while (you ordered what looked like slightly expensive pub grub and got Cordon Bleu) you were waiting for Jeremy Beadle to jump out at the end of the meal.
However, I heard that the reason it was so excellent is that a Michelin-Starred chef at the nearby Cleveland Tontine sacked a member of his kitchen, who was then reinstated by a manager with whom said staffer was having an affair. Result: Chef collects up knives and hat and walks to nearest pub and offers to do food for them.
It was pure heaven whilst it lasted.