You know who could do better

That is perfect example of a FToW. The all caps, the multiple exclamation marks... the ridiculous offenses...

Actually, it is too perfect... are you sure you didn't write yourself just to revive the section?

Yes, yes, I'm leaving... there is no need to call the police...

...MY CAPSLOCK KEY IS STUCK ON.

KSEFJKSJDFNVKVORFPWEPODDJFKDLSKDJDKFNASaasdjkjcm... ahh there we go...

There's too much correct spelling.

And to wish you to be near the sea to be flooded is rather too intellectual too. If the'd wanted you ass-raped or something, that would work better.

If this was the flamiest, you've had a good month.

...is priceless.

i do so love the smell of loonies on a friday

Ok I think mr. ozgur needs some Valium and little time out. But it meets the classic FoTW requirements. All caps, massive punctuation, no discernible point, etc. So over all nice job ozgur and congrats on getting your rant published in El Reg. Now be a good psycho and go back to your corner.

BTW we need a FoTW book choc full of all the best, I can only imagine the mountain of potential material you have. Some come on guys lets have it, I'm sure it'll be a hit :-).

Paris, cos she has more brains than all the authors of all the FoTW letters combined.

nuff said.

I wish I owned lots of oil shares (especially Shell today) and owned a house beside the sea....

Where's Webster when we need him????

buy a Prius and this twunt fits the bill.

I'll drive faster tomorrow just to take out a few more cuddly polar bears in the name of Ozgur.

Paris 'cos her name is less daft

Reasonable effort, but it was basically due to the CAPS and !!!!!!s. (there wasn't even a 1 in there!!!1!, FFS)

Spelling and grammar were too good (for FOTW). "Yank scum" was the closest to swearing that he (?) got there. He did say "Bush", though. Not really steaming-coming-out-of-the-ears material. Sounds too much like a conscious effort -- which pretty much invalidates FOTW contention status, doesn't it? (I thought FOTW was something that have to come from the "reptilian part" of the brain, you know, unfiltered by niceties like a neocortex)

A 5 out of 10, I'd say.

...where are you hiding all those oil shares? :-)

Silly me! Under the seat of that dual-fuel Hummer you drive: it runs on baby seal oil and high-sulphur coal right? And are those polar bear hide covered seats?

has obviously been photoshopped.

Really. Sir. The seaside will fall into the ocean without your wishes.

The worst part is people like him will take normal events out of context to prove their correctness. It really is like a cult or a superstition.

Paris, cult-like.

Ozgur Yigit is also the name of a fairly successful and quite funny cartoonist.

"YOU, BUSH LOVING CRICHTON READING MUDERING EVIL, YANK SCUM!!!"

Don't think anything of it, a love of being out in the bush doesn't make you a cretin, it just means he can't spell. How is "Murdering Evil"? Being a cheap bastard, I've been waiting for the paperback to come out. Finally, don't take his advice, yanking scum isn't all it's cracked up to be.

...was the best. If I'm not mistaken, Andrew is not a Colonial at all...so this should be

YOU BLAIR LOVING CRICHTON READING MUDERING EVIL LIMEY SCUM!!!

There! Done my part for the editorial desk! Now to buy tickets to my place on Eluthera just a couple of miles from the Pink Sand and down some frosties made with real rum...

Do they notify the winner by email? I usually post my really odd rants as AC, would they notify you if you had posted AC? And am often pointless or at least loose track of the initial point. It sure is fun to rant though.

I thought you euro-folk were all one big happy family and yet you cannot muddle through one broken english email composed by some poor eastern european fellow who was clearly lumbered with one of those dodgy dell keyboards with no shift keys - just caps lock. Allow me to assist and defang this ravenous wolfpack.

YOU BUSH LOVING CRICHTON READING MU[r]DERING EVIL YANK SCUM! [ I am confused as to whether you are violent right wing american, or a heterosexual snuff fetishist who spends a lot of time in airport bookshops, but in any case, I address you]

I[']M AMAZED A UK SITE PRINTS YOUR LIES! [I am unfamiliar with both the definition of "lies" as well as the generally variable standard of the British media, but on the up side it means I am in a perpetual, rapturous, state of amazement]

YOU CLEARLY OWN LOTS OF OIL SHARES AND YOU ARE AFRAID OF THE TRUTH! [I expect from your general demeanor that you are prudently invested with a broad portfolio including resource stocks and I also expect that you, like all of us, find it difficult to come to terms with some of the harsh realities of our existence. To be human is to fear. You are my brother and I love you.]

I HOPE YOUR HOUSE IS NEAR THE SEA HAHAHAHA! [I sure wish mine was. Hahahaha.]

WHY DONT YOU AND YOUR FELLOW SUPPORTERS JOIN THE HUMAN CIVILISATION NOW THAT YOU HAVE LOST YOUR EVIL DICTATOR AND STOP WRITING THIS RUBBISH [With the general freedoms we all possess in the absence of an evil dictatorship, I welcome you and your friends to come see me and my Human League tribute band "The Human Civilisation". Don't feel as if you have to work. We play Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Old Lamprey's Arms. Please buy a CD. We need a new Korg]

check out the rest of the Windows Live [Microsoft didn't have the decency to leave it be with Windows Live]

More than mail–Windows Live™ goes way beyond your inbox. [It goes way too far]

More than messages. [Frustrated, eventually some stalkers cross the line and become truly dangerous. We help them across the line]

A different "Anonymous" wrote:

"cuddly polar bears"

Those wouldn't, by any chance, be the same cuddly polar bears that make the ice (and their own cuddly fur) turn red with the blood from the cute cuddly SEAL PUPS they're EATING, now, would it?

Guess it's okay for bears to kill things, just as long as humans don't kill things. Same principle for wolves and other blood-thirsty predators. People want to protect wolves and bears and other natural-born killers, but not protect humans or other types of animals.

- U.S. vegan who doesn't buy into all of the left-wing liberal stuff.

</OT ranty lecture-type thing>

I don't understand it. An email in caps, and not a single mention of an uncle who's an oil minister, or FIFTEEN MILION DOLLARS ($15000000).

I don't even think that Ozgur is Nigerian...

...where was the hint at anti-semitism in this flame? Can't believe he forgot to add it. Or maybe the treehugger hasn't graduated to the upper echelons of eco-socialism where all is revealed (the belief that Jews rule the world and can only be brought down by destroying modernity and free markets by returning to environmentally friendly savage patriarchal tribalism).

Somewhere in Turkey a village is missing its idiot.

I can see the signs on the lamp posts now.

'Kayıp'

Bir salak,

Bizim salağımız görürsen lütfen

0212 665 56 56 arayın

Take heart...

I never considered you 'Bush lovers...' (those are very infrequent on the far left side of the Pacific (England/Britain and Euro in between)...

The poster of the diatribe, btw, probably never read Ayn Rand, and doubtfully correctly knows much of anything ( to include: maners, civility and good humour.)

Keeping in mind one of my most liked quotes:

If everything you know is wrong... You know nothing.

Well, keep up the good work. Even though sometimes I disagree, you are a source of good information.

Hope you read this before the hang-over hits.

I might say I have found something they are qualified for...

A microsoft using anti Western-ite...

That's just comical in itself...

Come to think of it... are anti globalisationists all Linux users? Do none of them own Ipods, or clothes from PriMark... or use cheap shampoo from Aldi?

There's no class to rants these days, and no purity to the protaganists either...

Paris, because she doesn't pretent to stand for anything moralistic.

"Windows Live™ goes way beyond your inbox."

Is that a threat?

""Windows Live™ goes way beyond your inbox."

Is that a threat?"

Sadly, it appears to be a promise.

"Is it just me, or are these "weeks" a bit far apart?"

The Truth(TM) is that Vulture central moves at a speed much closer to the speed of light than we do. Therefore, given Einsteinian physics, time passes slower for them (and they are much heavier too, but don't really tell them that; that'd be rude), and what looks like a week to them is months to us here. Simple as that.

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."

Oscar Ring-gear?

I love you.

You love me.

I hope your house is near the sea.

[runs]

Me too, houses near the sea tend to be worth more. I hope its not too near any cliffs though as once those bad boys start eroding it aint going to be worth a penny.

Good sailing too near the sea.

IS CRUISE-CONTROL FOR COOL