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back to article Doner kebabs: Death wrapped in pitta bread

Those of you with a penchant for the traditional post piss-up English delicacy of doner kebab might do well to keep a defibrillator to hand - if the results of a study by council food standards officers are anything to go by. The Local Authorities Coordinators of Regulatory Services (LACORS) coordinated a doner dragnet in which …

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Paris Hilton

ALl they need is a "May Contatin Thingy"

May contain the following :-

Cat

Dog

Rabitt

The rat that was caught eating the leftovers in the bin outside.

Nails

Hearts

Liver

Anything that may be on hand to stick in there

And my favorite is :- http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7669625.stm

And yes i live not too far away from wolvo am glad i am too lazy to que at 1am for a kebab.

Paris because every one has seen her kebab!

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Yes Jade..

.. we *can* see your kebab.

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Coat

But...

It's OK if you buy it with a diet coke.

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Anonymous Coward

man

Man I could do with a doner right now.

But f--- me some people don't half get paid for such useless and f------ obvious bulls--- and to imagine that the BBC is happy to p--- this obvious trash all over the news but their coverage of the extreme porn law was a 2 minute hand job for the government goons at 10pm.

Wankers.

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Coat

Meat Species?

'40 per cent of sampled kebabs that provided labelling information did not have an exact declaration for the meat species present'

I wonder if they tested for Fox, Badger or Squirrel?

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Anonymous Coward

Viva kebab

Hey, miseryguts. It is probably a good idea to have 100% of your daily salt allowance, especially if you've been out on the piss all day (which flushes your electrolytes). Why don't you stop at home sucking on a raw carrot watching X-factor and just leave us kebabtards alone, OK?

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Alert

Not declared on the label

Their kebabs came with labels? Where on Earth were they getting them?

Clam.

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Tim

Where can i get a job like this?

"Wanted: Scentists to state the bleedin' obvious when talking about kebabs, Must keep straight face when banging on about how fatty they are and why anyone who has been on a "leo sayer" would care that kebabs are bad for you"

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mmm kebab

I recently bought a donner after a heavy night, had a few bites and then left it festering in my kitchen until the morning. When I looked at it in the morning I thought to myself, WHY OH WHY WOULD I WANT TO EAT THAT?!

What the article doesn't mention is that people who regularly buy them after a night on the piss do so because of dehydration which is mistaken for hunger. Maybe better with a glass of water, but where's the fun in that? :)

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title

The BBC are asking if this report "would put you off eating a Doner Kebab".

My answer is "No, the look, smell and taste are enough to put me off"

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Ash
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Chicken kebab?

Donar (as in organ) kebab meat has always been less than stellar, so I opt for chicken every time.

Fat drips off, so it's essentially grilled; One of the healthiest ways to eat chicken.

Shirley Kebab House Chicken Tikka Kebab is a Naan full of W1N after a night out...

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IT Angle

title stolen

"Alarmingly, six kebabs tested _positive for pork_ when it had not been declared as an ingredient, of which two were claimed as _Halal_." this is the only alarming part of the report. For a halal shop to even have pork in it is something that won't go down easily with muslims. They will start to make a point of avoiding the said shop. Depending on the percentage of muslims that represent kebab eaters from that shop, it my mean that the shop will go under.

that aside, did people really think that kebabs were a healthy meal? As my father once told me, it doesn't matter what you eat, if you eat a lot of it and you don't work your body you _will_ be fat, now get off you arse and find something to do.

any way, this article made my mouth water.... gata go and get meself a doner kebab.

IT? Kebab is a prime part of our diet, we need to know everything about it

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Stop

I'm sorry....

...Labels on kebabs? What kebab shops did they go to? No emporium of the unidentified meat product i've been to sticks a label on 'em.

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this is a surprise.....?

This is a surprise how ? If you're well lubricated, just a guess, but you're not likely to be looking for the salad. It'll be Kebab, chips, curry or maybe a drunk attempt at a fry up. Let's face it, imbibing the demon drink drives to culinary nightmares bearing loads of saturated fats that would have the awful droning Gillian McKeith running for cover. Good. Long may she keep running, her and her little sandwich boxes of unholy stench.

Of course, if you're sober and tucking into such fare on a regular basis I would argue that it's time to learn to cook, and home made, healthier, less greasy and far tastier kebabs are definitely on my diet sheet. Or check out the terms of your life insurance. It's worth knowing who will benefit and by how much....

Kebabs - like bush tucker, you can live on it, but........Best not.

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Heart

Calories

'Dietary calorie' is the second biggest hoax of the 20th century!

It was developed to measure the efficiency of steam boilers not how fat food makes you. The body doesn't incinerate food in a fire, it chemically processes and metabolises it and the two are only coincidentally loosely correlated. That's why if you eat charcoal such as charred bran which is high in calories, you will lose weight rather than gain it. What's more, if you intake lots of calories in one meal, the body can only metabolise a certain amount of it. Despite me claiming that calories are a myth anyway, to get a meaningful measurement you would have to measure calories in the food and calories in the excrement to get any meaningful figure. If you eat a whole box of chocolates at once, it's probably better than eating a few out of the box per day, due to the ineffectiveness of your body to metabolise all of that sugar and fat at once.

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jim
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One meal a day

"..98 per cent of daily salt, nearly 1000 calories"

That means that you only need to eat a Doner a day to get your daily allowances.

Excellent. That'll save on the cooking at home then :)

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Silver badge
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Another weapon of war

Bearing in mind a Kebab is basically deadly, couldn't we fight wars this way. Drop some 'humanitarian' aid and wait a few years?

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Paris Hilton

More scaremongering

everything in moderation: the ODD kebab won't kill you, just don't eat them every day, easy.

Paris, we've all seen her kebab.

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Paris Hilton

Robbery!

Shock Horror! Small and large Doner the same size!

Living in the home of the kebab in Turkey I am saddened by the situation in the UK. Everything is done by weight here. 50gr 100gr 150gr. Order of events is traditionally its done the other way. Kebab first *then* get lashed up (or not). Thus allowing you to drink vastly more beer and also leaving more time for the development of carrot chunks. (where do they come from?)

As for death wrapped in Pitta I thought it was common knowledge along the lines of "Smoking is bad! MmmKayyy!"

Paris for the obvious reasons :)

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Joe
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Shish Kebab ftw

Not just for health reasons, but also because they don't taste like chilli anus

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Bronze badge
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Look here people....

...we know that a doner is not the height of cuisine and is stuffed with things that are not too good for you, but sometimes the need for a chilli-sauce laden meat and salad based bread wrapped food item is sufficiently strong that it could prevent you passing over the event horizon into a black hole!

Stuff official disapproval, I'll enjoy myself how I like and if it hastens my demise then it will have been worth it.

Remember, the object of living is not to put a perfectly functioning body into your coffin!

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Flame

What about the Shish?

I'd like to see comparisons with my usual, a large Shish with no sauces and all the salad.

Obviously, this is only palatable when prepared in a fresh homemade pitta with quality lean lamb by a reputable vendor of fine Turkish cuisine. Cue shameless plug of my favourite restaurant: http://www.cappadociarestaurant.co.uk/

Flame grilled, of course.

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DJ
IT Angle

I remember a C4 program

where an attractive young lady went on a kebab a day for a fortnight diet, she turned into your average spotty overweight chavette in 14 days.

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Flame

I see.

Is the Department of the Bleedin' Obvious trying to spend all its funds before the next budget round or something?

It's be funny if it wasn't our f***ing money they'd wasted on producing these earth-shatteringly unexpected results.

Sarcasm may well be the lowest form of wit, but these time-serving tossers don't deserve anything better.

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Silver badge

Labels?

>The study found a major issue with food labelling,

What sort of wuss buys a kebab with a label, let alone reads it?

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Stop

NO!

Really?

Who would have thought it?

Only surprise here is that people were (presumably) paid for this.

"Doner Dragnet"

Now there's an unpleasant image!

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IT Angle

And the surprise is . . . . ?

Is any one really shocked by these findings? Really?!

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I believe

this is called the 'no shit sherlock' news

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Happy

Not called salmonella-on-a-stick for nothing...

Well, according to http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/4295701/The-man-who-invented-the-doner-kebab-has-died.html

the inventor made it to 84 years old, so it can't be all /that/ bad for you...

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women's daily requirements?

I wonder why are these numbers measured relative to women's daily requirements - whenever I think of someone going for a kebab, it's usually someone male.

Or maybe it's for shock value? Why not recalculate the numbers with children's daily requirements instead! Or a kitten's - that would make the numbers even bigger!

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Anonymous Coward

@Steve

I'd be quite happy to eat rabbit, hearts or liver. I hear rat is actually quite tasty, the only reason people don't usually eat it is that there's barely more than a mouthful of meat on it. I might draw the line at cat or dog though. I hear cat is greasy and unpalatable, making them an utterly pointless species.

Anyway, isn't the point of a kebab that it is the food your body craves after alocohol - lots of salt to replace lost electrolytes and lots of fat which gets emulsified by the alcohol still slushing about in your stomach, thus slowing its absorption into the gut. The fat also acts as an energy store for your liver to break down the alcohol in your bloodstream and related acids, esters and other compounds found in beer, wine, etc. This goes half way towards mitigating the hangover you'll have the next morning. The other half of the way is buying the second kebab to have for breakfast. Yum!

(Anon because I don't want to attract the attention of the animal rights loonies)

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3x2

What exactly

did people think they were getting? FFS they could make them exclusively from lard and salt and I would still eat one. Can't wait for nanny's campaign on TV. Pissed? Hungry? desperate for a fag? ... don't order a fuck ton of lard !

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: women's daily requirements?

Well, either it's because 1000 is a nice round number to compare directly with a woman's daily calorie requirement which provides a clear and easily-comprehended point of comparison and illustration and that despite the fact that it's most likely men who are the consumers in this instance, or IT'S SOME KIND OF NEWS CONSPIRACY BY THE FEMINAZI RULE OF LAW OMG.

How can you live your life being suspicious of everything? It's not healthy. We'll have to put you on a 'take one thing a day at face value' diet.

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Joe
Coat

@ ASH

"Shirley Kebab House Chicken Tikka Kebab is a Naan full of W1N after a night out..."

Surely you mean a Naan full of H5N1?

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Anonymous Coward

value

>> It makes a difference where in the UK you buy your kebab, as the North West averaged over

>> 1,100 calories per kebab, while in Northern Ireland and London the figures were more modest at

>> 843 and 912 calories per kebab.

As they hadn't already stated be bleeding obvious enough, they had to go on and mention that you get better value for money in The North than you do in London.

What would have made this report interesting is if they had put some comparisons in this - e.g. how do the traffic lights compare to a typical (not the lite option) Italian meal or Indian meal (probably about the same IMHO), how does the small mammal content compare with a chinese takeaway, how do the traffic lights comare to a BK Triple Whopper, or a Tesco triple cheese and onion sandwich or a lamb/chicken shish kebab.

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Coat

I don't eat kebabs

They violate my "Don't eat food that must be shaved before consumption" rule.

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Anonymous Coward

@Steve

But the kebab invented in by that chap was real chunks of meat pushed onto the skewer, roasted and carved off, most definitely not the horrid elephant's food thingy usually pushed. But since the real thing would cost a lot more than most consumers can afford after a night in the pub I guess the MI on a stick is here to stay.

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Alert

Now with added

halal pork...

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Anonymous Coward

is it not all a bit irrelevant...

Given that the vast majority of kebabs are discarded part-eaten at the nearest available paving stone, or are eaten then promptly thrown straight back up, does it really matter how many calories are in them?

It does explain the obesity epidemic in rats though, as well as why tramps are looking stockier these days.

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manufacturers' labels

I know everyone is laughing at the idea of kebabs being labelled, but manufacturers do actually label the kebab meat. That's how the kebab house knows what type of meat it is. So if the labels don't reflect the contents then you potentially end up with Muslims inadvertently eating/handling pork or non-halal meat.

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Alert

Soooo...

If that's how bad a kebab is WITHOUT salad, what is my post pub Donner meat and chips, no salad, chilli sauce and can of coke?

I was gonna work it out but I just got hungry. Mmmmm donner meat....

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um so what if the ebab has high calories and fat etc

the fact that most people buying one will have drank several pints of beer (guess 10 over a 4 hour session @~200 calories a pint) they have already ingested twice that many calories anyway.

and the recovery advantage of the salad has not been taken into account

all that alcohol (and probabily drunken dancing) will cause you to loose a lot of water and salts which the salt, salad and chilli will help replace. the sugar and the fats will give you an energy boost to processes the alcohol you have consumed. the only thing missing as a hangover cure is fluids to replace that lost via the diuretic effects of the alcohol

and is there a comparison between donor kebabs and burgers as i would be interested to see what the difference is

i also though that most people realised that donor meat was a random assortment of just about anything and usually not describable as meat but more assorted animal bits and so what if it is until 40 years ago people regularly ate pigs ears, trotters, and trip its only in recent times that these foods have fallen at the way side

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Anonymous Coward

@Richard Cartledge : Calories

I was suspicious of that too, having observed the failure of my body to fully process sweetcorn on occasion, however, it seems that the calorie counts on food are corrected for dietary efficiency and the bomb calorimeter is only the starting point.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atwater_system

(Yes, wikipedia, so it's probably wrong.)

I notice that this is different to what we were taught at school.

Do teachers not know about this or are they deliberately going for the simple explanation through laziness?

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Dead Vulture

So what being said

So what they are saying Women DON'T eat Kebabs, leave it to the blokes, to suffer salt poisoning, clogged arteries & every thing else.

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Silver badge
Linux

Shish/Chicken Shish

I rarely eat kebabs (though have been getting worse lately) but when I do it's lamb or chicken shish.

Nothing to do with the calorie count, more that they cook it there in front of you, not at some indeterminate time in the past, sinec when it's been sitting there, lukewarm and breeding filth.

That and the fact that I'm sure doner is made from stray dogs.

*shudder*

Tux, because, well, who knows what's in 'em?

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Black Helicopters

re:chilli anus

Have you tasted a chilli anus? No, on second thoughts don't answer that

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Anonymous Coward

98 per cent of daily salt and 148 per cent of daily saturated fat

Mmmm...saturated fat and salt. You're making me crave a kebab!

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NO SHIT!?

And there was I thinking donnas were positively healthy!

How stupid am I? Duh!!!!

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kebab with meat $0.50

Kebab with named meat $1

With apologies and thanks to Mr Pratchett

And where's the discworld icon?

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