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back to article US smutmongers want big bucks bailout

Stateside pornographers have asked Congress to stump $5bn "to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America" amid the increasing economic gloom which is apparently sapping Yanks' will to get their end away. According to the Telegraph, the porn tin rattling is led by Hustler big swinging dick Larry Flynt, who's aligned himself with …

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Anonymous Coward

Hmm

The porn world has consistently been one of the biggest business innovators. Surely Congress should tell "No", watch how they restructure their business/supply chain and then use that model to advise everyone else.

VHS, web, everything. Porn go there first, porn made the market and then everyone else cashed in. It may be sad, but it's true.

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Coat

What, have they spunked all their money away?

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

I'll get me coat - the dodgy mac with the stains, obviously.

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Tim

Hmmm

Can't help admiring their cheek (fnarr fnarr, yack).

So, where's the UFO & wind turbine story got to, any chance it'll arrive before lunch?

Tim#3

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Al
Paris Hilton

In the interests of the environment

... shouldn't 'we' be bonking less and producing fewer humans? Maybe the money should be put into online pr0n, thus enabling more males to stay at home fiddling instead of going out and potentially breeding.

Paris, because the world is ready for another night in her.

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Paris Hilton

There's another possibility...

When people are short of money, they stop going to the cinema or theatre and watch the TV or DVD's instead.

When people are short of money, they stop going to expensive "adult entertainment" places and surf for porn or turn to local availability (their partners?) instead...!

Paris, because, well....

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A right pair of tits

US porn industry needing a hand(job)- out? This idea really sucks.

It's not as if the two of them are short of cash as they've almost perfected the art of squeezing money out of punters (and the rest of the web thanks them for it).

It always has to be bigger, doesn't it. They don't need the extra support or injection to keep things up.

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Happy

Nice irony

A suitable riposte to the preposterous claims of the fat-cats of Detroit and Wall Street. Bravo!

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Paris Hilton

<Title>

Sorry, but don't most people turn to "adult entertainment" because they're not getting any sex?

Paris, because apparently she's not getting much sex either

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/01/07/paris_hilton_claim/

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Coat

hrm

So, how do you go in the hole in the porno industry?

Yeah, Ill get my coat.

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Coat

So...

the pr0n industry need some stimulation.

(fnar fnar fnar)

It's the flasher mac please. Yes that's the one.

Well!!!

You didn't HAVE to wear gloves to pick it up!

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Paris Hilton

Why Not?

We're already giving billions to people I feel are far more insidious than these, uh, fornicators. At least they're upfront and honest about who they drill and why and certainly willing to bare all. And from what I've always seen everybody involved comes out fulfilled and smiling.

Contrast that when I listen to politicians and "bankers" I always feel raped and only those talking are smiling.

Paris because, well, even Paris is honest about her actions.

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Coat

So porn stars want a hand-out?

...Why don't we give them one?

Usually they're pleased if they have a 'gaping hole' in thir finances.

etc etc

(alerady getting my coat)

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Joke

Well, they wood, wouldn't they?

It's a toss-up as to where the money-shot off to, though.

They're just trying to get a rise out of you, so don't let them yank your chain.

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@AC, Elmer & co.

As Bryan B. points out, this was a not so subtle critique rather than a real request.

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fair

In other words, if the politicians are willing to screw the taxpayer and fuck them around, the sex industry wants its cut. Fair play really.

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@ foo bar baz

No doubt it is a real request - 'merkins seem addicted to both cars and sex so it's more to keep the addicts supplied than a butt-plug to stop cash disappearing. Both industries are after more cash to keep a common addiction going - that of private jets.

Fuck 'em both, why should the American people be told to supply the lube to make it easier for the big knobs when the rest have a rather limp outlook.

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rebates

why doesn't the U.S government just hand out tax rebates again, only this time in the form of a free hand job?

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If

If the US government says no to the porn industry, will it then go tits up?

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J
Happy

Good stuff...

Yup, the last sentence bares it all: it's "satire", sarcasm, etc..

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Paris Hilton

Dried up

So sorry to hear that the adult industry has dried up. Here's hoping they get the stimulus they need to lubricate their future activities.

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Anonymous Coward

Is it April already?

Oh, it's Lester. 'Nuff said.

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Flame

Never happen here

Gordon Brown and the ZaNew Labour Stazzi are decimating what little pr0n industry the UK has by criminalising anyone who dares to look at anything even remotely kinky.

On (in?) the other hand, they are giving another few billion to the wunch of Bankers who got us into this mess in the first place (and yes, I did see Our Glorious Leader on TV saying there were no firm plans to give more money to the banks, but that just means he's not trying to bury other bad new at the moment...)

Anyone seen my Winter Fuel payment? Oh wait, there it goes - I guess the bank's Execs need it now they're not supposed to be taking their huge bonuese this year...

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