That which has never lived cannot die - this demon shade, this blackened talon of the devil himself, carries not the blessing of life as breathed into mankind by The Creator but instead was given the curse of unlife by the rank, foetid, sulfurous, exhalations of The Fallen.

Simultaneously fueling, and feeding upon, mankind's commission of the deadly sins, Steve Jobs is the single most evil creature on the face of the planet - but alive, he is not.

Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride. From Lisa to iPhone, Apple has been the relentless sea that erodes the soft, soapstone, souls of the weak and degenerate. The soul of the righteous is an indomitable granite pillar built on utilitarian commodity hardware, and Windows Vista (Service Pack 2 Beta).

Evil wears silk, and offers forbidden corporeal pleasures. Good wears hair shirts and promises only that your faith will be tested. Daily.

MAC SECURITY IS LAME LIKE A MAC.

lame...like typing in all caps?

The must have been... Macs are UNHACKABLE!!!!!111!!1one!!!111eleventy!!1

and has he got an alibi?

Whoever did it needs to review rules 1 and 2. As everyone knows it was really ebaumsworld. Could we have a guy fawkes icon please?

It always amuses me when that gang that thinks they are always immune to hacks/cracks/virus/malware and alike get stuffed over in a big and public way. Most would change the way they think, but not the maccites, they will have forgotten this tomorrow.

For once I appreciate them boys from the darkside making a mockery of the Apple shindig.

Glad to see the taciturn faces of a few people taking it too seriously. Of course it was funny. It only wouldn't be funny if Mr Jobs had taken it seriously himself and cried himself to sleep afterwards, and I seriously doubt he did that.

After all, if Steve Jobs got upset everytime some nameless anonytard on the internet said something bad about him, he'd have worried himself sick years ago!

Oh wait... :P

That mate, was one of the funniest things I've read in weeks, including the story about the Zune 'lying down for a bit'.

Any chance you could write some articles for El Reg?

Marvellous stuff.

Nah, no need. Every time this happens for real they just wait until he rises from the dead three days later.

The reason he's absent this year is 'cos he's currently taking a lie down in a rock-hewn tomb outside Cupertino with a big stone over the entrance.

This also explains the dearth of really cool stuff alluded to. Apple insiders have now learned the sacred lesson that nobody should say anything important while Jobs is busily being dead.

"I would have announced something like the new iphone shuffle for when you need to phone someone but are not bothered who."

That's fantastic. I give you a thumbs up.

That is quite possibly the greatest (and most original) idea I've heard come from anything related to Apple in a long time. And it's not even from Apple.

Go forth and code, iPhone developers!

Very funny, but you made a mistake. It was done by ebaumsworld, not 4chan

He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!