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back to article Bees on cocaine: The facts

News has emerged of the latest threat to nature: drug-addled bees, hopped up on crack by crazed scientists. Some bee experts believe that cocaine could have "as devastating an effect on honey bee society as it does on human society". The scientists in question are Andrew Barron of Macquarie University in Australia and Gene …

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Boffin

What do you mean Officer?

This cocaine is purely for my bee collection, which erm, are out on reconnaissance at the moment..

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Anonymous Coward

This is like a take on

Reefer Madness

We need a movie, words alone aren't convincing enough.

It would also be interesting to see if the Bee actually did find more pollen and the levels it made prior to doping perhaps the waggle dance was not an exaggeration. I seem to remember the 80's was a good time for the UK, and we all know the dust was flying about quite liberally then.

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Boffin

Seems like...

an excuse to have lots of cocaine lying around the lab for christmas... Next, the effects of lap dances on the relevence of research...

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IT Angle

El Reg?

or thedailywtf.com?

had to check my browser's location bar to make sure....

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Not a problem

For one thing, where are they going to get the tiny little coke spoons?

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Pirate

More study needed

And so they get more funds to live *and* to legaly buy Peruvian Marching Powder.

I'd like to see the payments sheet ...

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Joke

Please Officer...

It's not mine, I was just holding it for the bees...

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gsl
Coat

Tabloid Headline

Cocaine scientists caught in sting operation.

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Coat

Ahem...

Sounds like they got quite the buzz.

My coat is already on.

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Well.....

sometimes I wonder about why we allow these people to have research money.....I'll bet some of the white powder goes walkies too....hmmmm

coking up innocent bees....that's sick people. What's next? Ants on acid? Humming birds on heroine? Termites on te 'eerb? If i gave blow to my dog to see how it affected his behaviour, I'd be justifiably locked up!

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Rob
Bronze badge
Coat

Sterling work!

As soon as they have figured out how Bees get addicted they can then fix us humans, obviously being so close genetically speaking.

Right I'm off to a serious meeting that requires me to waggle dance my proposal to the CEO.

Mine's the one with yellow and black stripes and covered in pollen, sorry I meant cocaine.

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IT Angle

Erm?

So some people at University needed an excuse for being in possession of a quantity of cocaine and this is the best one they could come up with?

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Joke

How do you get funding for this type of study.

Think I can get funding for Cats on Canabis?

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Silver badge
Pirate

Hopelessly Hooked on a Line and Sinking.

Lewis,

Is that the Attraction of Afghanistan to Bumblers? It is certainly an ESPecialist Forces Humain Terrain Team Systems Environment .... Addictive Theatre of Operations in which to Lose Everything even as far as beyond Sanity.

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Spider research

They already did some research of the effects of various drugs on spiders, the results were rather interesting. Go to Youtube and search for "Crack Spider" if you haven't already seen it.

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Stop

Researchers on Government Grant Money

New has emerged of a long-standing threat to unbiased basic research: money-crazed professors and post-docs willing to debase themselves shamelessly for hit after hit of government grant money. Some experts in the theory and philosophy of scientific research believe that government cash has "as devastating an effect on free inquiry as the Spanish Inquisition."

<Obligatory>

All together now: And No One Expects the Spanish Inquisition!

</Obligatory>

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Happy

W T F ? ? ?

"They also think that more bee study will have relevance to the problems of human addiction" or in other words "We've run out of money and would like a huge grant to investigate this further and keep us in work for the next few years".

Surely you investigate humans to find out the "problems of human addiction".

Or is this April 1st? Have I just been asleep for the past three and a half months?

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Prizewinning research?

Surely a strong contender for next year's Ignobel prize?

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Silver badge
Happy

You can just imagine it.....

Strung out scientist number 1: "Dude, I really need a hit, man, but I'm light."

SOSN2: "Don't stress, bro, we'll just start some craaaaazy project with some coke, and then we just cream off some of the samples..."

SOSN1: "What, like getting bees stoned?"

SONS2: "What have you been sniffing, homie!?!?!"

And the rest, as they say, is valued scientific research history...

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Unhappy

Utter tosh

The scientists made up the experiment and the results just to get their grubby little mitts on hard drugs at the tax payers expense.

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What a waste

of good cocaine.

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Coat

Riiiiiiiiiight

So some reasearchers are getting funded to buy loads of coke to give to the 'bees'.

And there's a credit crunch going on!

White lab coat icon to hide all the coke that got 'accidentally' spilled *sniff*

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Coat

Err this is a joke right ?

Theres no article about bee's on the link and some very suspect signs in the article?

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Thumb Up

In other news

Researchers have shown that Polar bears also act like complete and utter knobs when coked off their boxes. An effect never before seen, since until now, no one has been wrecked enough to stuff a 1300 pound Ursus maritimus full of Bolivian marching powder.

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Coat

So that explains it....

It explains the broken windows in my house, the fact that all my stuff was gone and the honey on the walls. . .damn drug addicts.

/mines the one with the white outfit and the hat made out of mesh

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Flame

Effect

"as devastating an effect on honey bee society as it does on human society"

You mean the bees would start forcing the workers to take piss tests and call the keeper on any caught using?

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Wonder how this research project started...

Student 1: Gee, wouldn't it be great if we could get loads of free cocaine!

Student 2: Yeah, but it'll never happen.

Student 1: No, wait, I have a cunning plan for our final year research paper...

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Wait a tic...

Well, it's snowing outside, so I guess it's not April 1st.

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Coat

So do bees get a really good buzz?

I'm outta here...

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Bronze badge
Coat

Christmas prezzie request..

Lewis - can I have some of that stuff you've bee'n smoking - or have the Apoitedans 'cracked' up on it? (How the little buggers can carve it up with a Gold Amex Card beats the fuc*k out of me. No credit cards in UK anymore, I understand?)

S'nuff said.

Have a good Christmas!

(Andus - former beekeeper, and _never_ a crack smoker - licked a few cracks in the pursuit of "Man Oysters" however, but that's another tail)

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Joke

'snow joke

so thats where the bees disappeared to all summer

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Coat

Bees on coke!

Gives a whole new meaning to "what a buzz!"

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This is drugs.........

This is your bee on drugs.......

Any questions?

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Coat

Predictable bad joke

I wonder if they got a buzz out of it?

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Alien

Great just what we need

Another scientific study of highly questionable value. Oh yes please mr. scientist please do take more of my tax money to fund more grants for this "valuable" research. I desperately need to know if bees twisted on coke will perform fly by stingings, or put the female bees out on the stroll to fund their drug habit. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big advocate of scientific research but in all honesty I fail to see where their enlighten findings will lead us.

Now if they can make hybrid bees with freekin' laser beams all doped up and killing each other then I might be interested. Until then all I can say is, meh.

Icon cos sometimes I feel like common sense and reasoned thinking are alien concepts in today's world.

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Linux

Finally

the final piece of the puzzle. The total sum for human knowledge is now complete, we are able to now sit back and relax. Here I thought I would never see it in my lifetime

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Thumb Up

Ig Nobel nomination

'nuff said.

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Dead Vulture

@Iam Me

Hmmm ..."freekin' laser beams"

Wonder what a shark on coke with a freekin' laser beam would be like.

Kill it fast.

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Coat

I live near Macquarie University!

Come to think of it the other day I let a bee in my house. His car had broken down and wanted to use the phone. I turned around for a second and he stole my wallet. Probably needed some money for his next high.

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Thumb Down

Just no good

This is a bad joke on the students and on tax money by someone at the university who seems to have had too much fun with drugs in the past.

These students - or young researchers - will not learn anything from it besides of what they would have learned had they given cocaine to tomatoes. None of this will be of use in their futures - unless someone is expecting them to become social workers, who can turn drug addicts into royal worker bees. When asked by any employer regarding the type of research they did they proudly can tell to have had success with giving cocaine to bees?! They will wish to have taken samples out of a bull's anus instead and once they realize the situation they have been lead into.

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Joke

@ AC 21:54

I can see the splashy Hollywood film trailers now. /cue booming voice and suitably tense music... "In the last battle for civilization only one can survive. The bees and sharks form a tense alliance to over throw human beings once and for all..... No retreat... No surrender... Who will survive... Who will reign supreme. The genetically mutated cocaine driven sharks and bees with their ferocious lasers. Or the humans struggling against the onslaught?" /cue dramatic cut scene and more tense music.

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Coat

Amazing!

It's incredible they could even open the can in the first place!

- Mines the one with a copy of 'Attack of the Killer Bees' in the pocket.

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Thumb Up

sorted

No need to score coke off dodgy geezers in toilets anymore. Just paint yourself in lurid black & yellow stripes and hang out in your local university labs.

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Anonymous Coward

Let's be honest....

The truth is that the "researchers" probably spent an entire year fucked off their tits and wanking onto a large pile of government grant money, then when it was time to show some results they made up a load of shit that nobody is ever likely to bother to try and prove wrong.

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Anonymous Coward

@AC : I seem to remember the 80's was a good time for the UK

You were certainly smoking something in the 80's. At least you've got the next 10 years to look forward to which are looking just as good.

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Happy

May i be the first

to welcome or coke-addled laser-wielding apian overlords

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Happy

You lot are pretty cynical...

It seems like a pretty good idea to me.

Investigate the effects of cocaine on a society by giving it to a highly structured and organised microsociety, i.e. a honeybee colony, and observe the subsequent effects as that society ceases to function properly.

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If nobody has done so already

I'd like to nominate this story for Headline Of The Year, truly journalism at the its most absolutely fantastic pinnacle.

Oh yeah, and also can we have a bees on coke icon please?

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Paris Hilton

BUT....

Do Playmobil make bees?

Paris, 'cos no-one has mentioned her 36 bees yet

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Anonymous Coward

Cocaine is not a narcotic

"The scientists in question are Andrew Barron of Macquarie University in Australia and Gene Robinson of the University of Illinois, and some fellow bee and narcotics experts."

Cocaine is a stimulant, which unlike narcotics, increases awareness and/or activity within the sympathetic nervous system or the central nervous system, or both.

Heroin, morphine, opium are examples of narcotics. Narcotics blunt the senses and depress the nervous systems.

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