back to article Indulge your fecal fantasies with a doll that craps

Technology has brought many transcendent benefits to our culture, but possibly none have been as consummate in its exquisite magnificence as this holiday season's nonpareil of elegance, Baby Alive Learns to Potty, a child's doll that craps. Surely this darling $60 dumper is the apotheosis of a dream first dreamed by Charles …

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Bronze badge
Flame

Vile.

Nothing more to say that that.

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Joke

Let me be the first to say

What a shitty idea!

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What a load of shit

Title says it all!

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Oh Dear

/facepalm

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Nice toy.

I am very impressed with this doll. I am definitely going to purchase this for my myself to play with.

I heard they are currently making one that sticks her finger down her throat and throws up what you feed her. The doll will be called Bulimic Betty.

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Coat

Will the wonders never cease

How long till we get a doll that gets pregnant at the tender young age of 4 as appears to be where the trend is going over here in the states?

/I know this will kill this post but sorry mods

/Mines the one with the coat hanger in the pocket

/Anon because I don't need to be burned alive for that comment

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Err....

"....And some day - we can only hope! - mankind will create a machine that can poop!"

And why on earth would we possibly want to hope for this?!?

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Silver badge
Joke

Think of the children

Isn't introducing kids to scat at such an early age pushing the boundary a little?

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Unhappy

Not new

My daughter had one of these things several years a go. I must admit that hers kept quiet about the whole process rather than announcing it with pride.

A word of warning to parents who think that it is cute. When your kid decides to see if it can eat other stuff (the doll not the kid), you are in for regular bouts of surgery to unplug the ugly looking thing (sorry the doll not your kid!).

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Anonymous Coward

Uh oh...

But if you don’t get there in time, you might hear her say, 'Oops. I did it aga-- Nope, I won't say it. I won't, I won't, I won't.

Anyway, this is the natural extension of those japanese (and now american, I guess) potty training things that sing a song, complete with toilet-flushing sounds, when your kid drops a log. Any guesses what happens if you put this doll on one of those? As Keanu Reeves would say... Whoah.

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A doll what shits itself

Wasn't Danny's business partner, Presuming Ed, in "Withnail and I" working on the prototype in 1969? Clearly a technology that has spend a long time in the pipeline.

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Stop

Happy 35th birthday to this old news story..

... the "Baby Alive" range of dolls has been around since 1973.

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Coat

Old in Brazil

There's been a pooping doll around here for ages, it's called Cocolin (something like Poopolin). The TV ads always crack me up.

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Sam

Alternative

HhhhhhggnnnnHHHH! Hnnnnngghhh!!! You bastard, you never told me that was a Phal...

HnnnggrraaaaaagHHHH!!!!

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Go

We can only hope

If the world is fortunate, we will progress to the Hello Ouroboros doll that starts with eating its own toes, working upwards, and pooping it all away until there's nothing left. Sort of an incarnate (inplasticate?) metaphor for the Federal Reserve System of the US and the ECB.

/The "GO" button for obvious reasons

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Coat

And if you feed it sauerkraut & eggs

It can actually levitate on its own poop stream!

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@AC

"And why on earth would we possibly want to hope for this?!?"

Why, to free us from the drudgery of doing it ourselves!!!

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Young pregnancy

"How long till we get a doll that gets pregnant at the tender young age of 4 as appears to be where the trend is going over here in the states?"

If I recall correctly, the Philippines still holds that particular record. The girl in question was either four or five years old; she turned out to be a very early bloomer, as her uncle discovered to his chagrin after molesting her. The child's child was raised as her sister, the uncle went to jail, and they all lived happily ever after.

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Joke

UK version

Baby-Alive Pikey edition...With realistic Dole grasping hands. Shits itself and then stops working for a day when given Diamond White (optional accessory)

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Stop

And if you buy two of them and a cup...

No! I just don't want to go there.

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Silver badge

@Young pregnancy

There is a record of five year-old Lina Medina giving birth, but most of the facts are different. Lina is from Peru. Lina's father was arrested on suspicion of incest, but was released because of lack of evidence. As Lina's periods started at age 1, her father would have known of a risk of pregnancy. Lina's son was raised as her brother. A quick web search shows no evidence of a daughter born to a five year old from the Philippines.

http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/medina.asp

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Paris Hilton

Thank God...

that my daughters are too old to want to play with dolls any more - it was bad enough when my eldest wanted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ......

Paris cos she's full of crap

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Unhappy

Still nowhere near reality

The manufacturers need to look at the whole process - not just the end result.

It starts with the child having a faraway look on thier face. This moves to one of concentration followed by a noise that is similar to that of errupting pools of hot mud. Then there is the look of pleasure and relief on the child's face which is accompanied by a stench that comes from stygian depths. At this point in time no-one wants to go anywhere near the dear little baby , especially as when it is lifted up (if yer lucky) the babygrow changes colour from the feet upwards in to a nice mustard colour. (If not lucky then there is no babygrow to contain the toxic bio-hazard waste). The infant now needs to be introduced to a sheep-dip and pressure washer. Sandblasting is reserved for when the nappy can't be changed for a few minutes and the sludge has turned in to rapid-settting concrete.

Women -weak? Nah, I've seen full-blown macho men gag at even the thought of changing a nappy. No, not specifically women's work - it's work for really strong people.

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JCL
Happy

If you don't have the cash...

and bearing in mind the state of kid's diets nowadays, you can get your kid an ordinary doll and call in Constipated Katie.

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Al
Paris Hilton

Curse this weak pound

I was almost tempted to get one for my neice - but it's too pricey now sterling is sinking fast.

I'm pressing my tummy hard to make myself cry and wee....

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@Thank God...

What was wrong with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

They were the best action figures ever. I even had that little brain dude and his Technodrome.

Of course, to make up the 4, I had two Raphael's, because lets face it, nobody like Donatello.

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Happy

Dual Usage

Simply add a strategically placed cork and voila! - A doll that explodes! (messily)

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Pirate

Web 2.0 has failed again.

After looking at the distorted features of that pooping homunculus, and reading of its fell purpose, I went immediately to YouTube to search for a video of someone setting light to one. But there was to be no relief, as no such cleansing-by-fire could be found.

I shall have to make do with pasting it into a few Bonfire Night scenes with Photoshop. Web 2.0, you have failed us once again, where it could have made a difference.

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Good intro to financial management

At almost a dollar apiece, those diapers cost more than real ones. Make the kid buy the diapers with his or her allowance and see how much Baby Alive gets fed then.

(Note to Family and Children's Services: I do not use the "no food" method to reduce diaper costs for my actual baby.)

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Oh FFS....

was my first thought, but on reflection most kid's toys these days are overpriced sh!t. At least this one doesn't pretend it's anything else...

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Happy

Young Pregancy --and Turds

1. I recall seeing in a Physiology Text Book, a 3 year old fully mature woman.

No pregnancy , but capable of it !

2. I spent 10 years working in the sewer business , and actually it wasn't all that stinky.

The worst smell I can recall was when I was involved in digging a trench in a rubbish tip (freshly filled) for storm water drain. Yuck I can smell it now !

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Black Helicopters

Dedicated poo machine... DONE!

http://www.cloaca.be/machines.htm

Oh, the helicopter? Squint your eyes, think of slashdot...

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At least this one HAS a disposal mechanism.

I can vaguely recall various "snackie- patsy" type dollies that came equipped with spoons, bottles to be filled with water (or worse), bowls, dehydrated "cereal" mixes, and so forth. I shudder to think about what accumulated inside, especially given how diligent kids (and their caretakers) are about thoroughly cleaning their toys. Also, if kids learn early on that babies are not just little bundles of cute and cuddly joy, but messy and expensive (replacement dolly diapers are how much?) work, there might -- dare we hope? -- be a dip in the teen pregnancy rate.

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@Brian

"Of course, to make up the 4, I had two Raphael's, because lets face it, nobody like Donatello."

Says you! I used purple plasticine to give all of my barbie dolls Donatello eye masks! They were sort of like Donatello's Angels.

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@ Brian

Krang, but did you have his giant robot body? how about the pizza thrower? and the turtle van?

detective don was my fave variant.

i didn't much care for leo or raph. who needs a know it all leader and an arrogant prick...

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Anonymous Coward

I Crap Therefore I am

Yet another step towards the AI reality, if you don't defecate can you really be alive.

And on another, though related note, aren't most tomatoes, that are imported, grown in 'night soil' a rather fancy term for sewerage, which is also another rather fancy term for poo, but with tampons thrown into the mix.

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