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back to article Bollywood to remake The Italian Job

A Bollywood film outfit is planning to remake The Italian Job, in the process spicing up the cinematic mix with “lots of singing and dancing”, the Sun reports. The Indian Film Company secured remake rights from Paramount last year, and will replace the iconic Minis with Indian vehicles while taking elements from both the 1968 …

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Using a Tata Nano perhaps

They also have the real Mini of nowdays as the car for this.

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And why not?

Gotta be better than the last remake...

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Coat

Hope...

We can only hope it turns out better than the Hollywood remake.

<exits left, wondering how they're going to set "you're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off" to music>

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Finale

I'll be interested to see how the finale works with a gold-carrying elephant teetering over the precipice.

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Bronze badge

Couldn't be any worse

than the appallingly bad American attempt.

Will it be set against the background of a cricket match in Pakistan?

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Paris Hilton

NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They seriously should not be allowed to do this to a classic movie (1968 only)

The only funny scene that comes to mind is a group of dancers bouncing up and down on the wrong end of the bus - titles roll.. You know how it ends, with them all following the bus into the valley!

Paris - cause she knows that a classic shouldnt be allowed to be turned into a joke & ruined.

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Yes. Yes! YES!!!

I want to see this movie. I want the big car scene to be inter-cut with beauties bending like wheat in the wind. I want percussion! This is what remakes should be about: boggling our brains with juxtapositions.

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Brilliant!!

Charleeta Croker, a disgraced IT support phone operater tries to get one over on his former employer by stealing ten jilian rupees worth of gold.

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Anonymous Coward

Tata nano?

If Phil the Greek was here he'd make some comment about the quality of Indian engineering and how little explosive would be required to blow the proverbials off.

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M7S
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Other Bollywood adaptations should include....

The original Star Wars trilogy.

I can now picture in my minds eye flocks of doves taking off whilst Kenobi faced down Vader on the Death Star with a quick two-step, but I am sure fellow readers can do better.

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I suspect...

...that it may lose something in the translation. After all a lot of the humour in the original is cultural, so swinging sixties Britain and cockney humour may not translate too well to modern Bollywood. How well would "Molto bene, dad" play?

The American remake is complete tosh from start to finish, proving that the original did not translate well to modern American culture, which should give Bollywood a hint as to how well their version will go.

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Big Germans

Yes, the new BMW 'Minis' are too big to fit where the original Minis went !

And I bet they would never fit in the back of the coach !

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Flame

And...

In related news, the slavemasters of Dubai have stated they intend to remake Schindler's List. In the new version all the Jews die and there will be no memorial service for Oskar Schindler in Israel because the country will not be recognised as a state by the Emiratis. The British Board of Education has pledged to show the remake in classrooms across the United Kingdom alongside Al Gore's interpretation of reality.

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J
Coat

'Lots of singing and dancing'

'Lots of singing and dancing'!?

Where's my vomit bag, quick!

That said, I haven't seen any of the other versions anyway, so maybe this would be an improvement, nausea notwithstanding...

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“lots of singing and dancing”

Not a good plan when your van is teetering on the brink of a cliff.

As for M7S's idea of other Bollywood remakes.

'Die Hard'

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Stop

Please make it stop

Why... just why???? I mean I know people are at a loss for original content these days because originality is like soooooooo last week. But really why can't people leave some things alone, I knew the last remake was gonna be shit and I suspect neither will translate well at all into the generic bollywood format.

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I can see it now...

You're only supposed to dance the bloody doors off!

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IT Support?

Wasn't the original movie about an IT nightmare involving the traffic management system? They could be on to something here...

Roll on the BSOD boogie...

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b
Joke

oh blimey!

crikey and jeepers!

wonder if bollywood will remake schindlers list..looking forward to the dance scene in the death camps! ^^

cheers,

bill

p.s. stuff and nonsense: http://www.euepeople.net/forum

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Joke

@M7S

What was that you said Obi-wan I cant understand you?

I SAID I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU!! DAMN IT IVE ALREADY TRIED THOSE STEPS TO TROUBLESHOOT THE LIGHT SABER. IM TELLING YOU THE BLOODY THING IS DEFECTIVE.

**BRILLIANT** Can't wait to see the movie

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Coat

When loading the gold into the Tata Motors...

equivalent of the Mini...

"The doors aren't supposed to bloody fall off"

In Starwars Episode IV, Leias " Help us, Sanjit-Wan" hologram scene is change to a 10 minute dance with Leia singing in that strange high pitched way Bollywood ladies have.

In Episode I, Jar Jar Binks gets trampled to death by 50 space elephants ridden by dancing girls in the opening scene, thus guaranteeing the remake will be better than the original.

And in Episode III, a defeated Darth Vader on the fire planet is seen doing a song and dance scene bewailing his defeat (with the help of dancing girls and a trampoline, seeing he can't move very much)

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Coat

of course you realise...this means war!

sad state of affairs this country is, we have very few things to get patriotic about

a short list being

5) 1966 world cup

4) blackburn buccaneer

3) speeches of winston churchhill

2) english electric lightning

1) original version of the italian job

a bollywood remake of the italian job is a direct attack on our cultural foundations

and we need to attack immediately, preferably by launching re-runs of "it ain't half hot mum"

we need to send the message that "you may take are car manufacturers but you've never take our outdated nationalist icon's"

i mean what's next..the sweeney

/coat proceeds to nearest curry house to order a hotdog

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Reality Check

O-Kay...

Not April 1st - check!

Wasn't on the piss last night - check!

Haven't been indulging in pharmaceuticals - check!

So, by elimination - you're shitting me - right?

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@AC

I'd personally love to hear a bhangra take on the Imperial March and I wonder how they' do Yoda-Ji! Lol

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More Bollywood spectaculars

Well, I'd like to see a:

Bollywood generic Indiana Jones movie (taking place at Mall of America, or an office park perhaps?)

Bollywood Hidden Dragon, Crouching Tiger (more singin' & dancin', more elephants?)

Bollywood National Velvet (Young girls saves her favorite elephant, wins fame?)

Bollywood Requiem for a Dream (Slums, drugs, Harry Dean Stanton and karma run amok?)

Bollywood Wizard of Oz (the Rocky Horror Picture Show for the next generation)

Bollywood Repo Man (the humorous side of slums of Mumbai?)

Bollywood It's a Wonderful Life (what's the village like without Jimmi Mistry being born?)

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