So it's finally here...?
They've been plugging this like forever.
I can't imagine the R n D costs of snake oil are that high. Why so long to bring it to market?
If you believe that mobile phone use puts your brain at risk from electromagnetic radiation, then a Belgian firm’s latest offering may put your mind at ease. It's a gadget that's said to neutralise a phone’s potentially harmful rays. E_Waves_phone_chip_01 The E-Waves Phone Chip (it's the green dot) The E-Waves Phone Chip …
They've been plugging this like forever.
I can't imagine the R n D costs of snake oil are that high. Why so long to bring it to market?
Er, that's not what the pictures show at all. It shows the *skin surface* heated up. That may seem a minor detail, but how do we know the skin warming wasn't caused by a fridge-sized 150kW pulsed chemical laser half a mile away?
For a start, if you want to block waves heading into your brain, wouldn't it be better on the side of the phone that goes against your face/head, rather than the side pointing outwards?
Anyway if it blocks the waves, how exactly does your phone connect a call in the first place?
Those thermal images look photoshopped to me.
If it actually worked it would kill your cell's signal, wouldn't it? I think if anything it might actually reflect the signal back given the placement in the picture. I think you'd be better off to wrap you cell in tinfoil.........
mine's the silver shiny one....
When El Reg posts a story such as this I expect it to be firmly tongue-in-cheek and the product itself comprehensively ridiculed. Reading the article I see no evidence of such ("sceptical" ? You should be laughing off the edge of the bar) so I must either assume he's playing it straighter than the Conchords or else just simply lacks the basic physics that would let anyone know this product is the snake-oil of the most distilled variety.
Let's take a step-by-step:
It claims to neutralise radiation emanating from the phone. Mobile phones *work* by emitting radiation. It's their basic principal of operation. If this device worked as claimed it would render the phone useless for it's primary use.
It's also claimed that this chip emits ""a quantum physical information wave” towards your brain" to eliminate the phone's evil outpourings.
* There's no such thing as "quantum physical information wave”.
* I doubt very much that such a thing, it's non-existence aside, could be focussed.
* How the hell does this device know where my brain is ?
That's an awful lot of tech to be contained in something that looks like nothing more than a green sticker.
And whilst I'm worked up: The thermal images don't show anyone's brain being heated up by phone usage. They show the surface of the skin on someone's face emitting various levels of (possibly IR) radiation. You need more that a heat sensitive camera to accurately measure the temperature of the inside of someone's bonce.. what with the skull being so thick and all. Doubly so, it would seem, with this articles author.
All in all.. there is no bloody way this should have made it into print except as a joke... sort it out please someone.. have a word. This standard of journalism is more suited to Bella and not otherwise well-respected El Reg that we all know and love.
If anything, "canceling" a wave (which is an extremely dumbed-down description) is going to excite the molecules and PRODUCE heat!
Remember folks, today's Top Tip is:
Energy cannot be destroyed!
to keep my brain cool for a while now. I call it a "hat'. It also has the advantage of hiding my bald spot.
Still this will get me a hot, if slightly suspicious, babe to literally hang around me so I suppose it has something going for it.
... anti meteorite-strike ointment - guaranteed to protect you in the event of a large meteor striking you.
But if it cancels out all the phone's radiation, the phone isn't going to work.
I can do this for free just by removing the battery.
And filling your underpants with Horse Sh*t will make you more fertile (well, it works on my roses!).
... as spraying a bit of foam over some trees in a muddy field in the New Forest, claiming it's like Lapland and charging £25 a pop.
Can I buy shares in their company?
And maybe go faster stripes do actually make you go faster after all.
[Picture of Jean-Luc Picard doing facepalm ->] HERE
[Caption: "Not this shit again" -> ] HERE
//Paris because she's used to being stiffed
Sounds like someone picked up a batch of those stickers that were being sold a few years ago purporting to increase signal strength and found a new use for them.
Find the company president, lock him in a room where he is continually bombarded with EM radiation at dangerous levels, and give him as many stickers as he'd like to repel the threat. See how long it takes for him to renounce his company's claims.
If those are thermal images taken during a call, where is the phone and the hand that is holding it? Just asking...
A "quantum physical information wave." Wow. Some folks will believe anything.
I'm in the wrong damn business.
Well, the best way, short of turning it off and not using it would be to use one of my (patend pending) lead Xpress-on covers. blocks 99.99% of harmfull radiation. side affects may include complete loss of signal and lead poisoning.
Mines the Quantum E-Wave Alien, because using words Mr J Public doesn't understand in advertising blurb doesn't mean it exists
If you're credulous enough to actually buy one of these things, I suspect that you haven't got much of a mind to -put- at ease.
At least, it's wet, and has allig... quaint marine fauna.
Those images are suspiciously low-res. If you're feeling bored tomorrow, I'd suggest emailing them to ask for the originals. They look like the colour scale is different on each.
Mobile phones emit electromagnetic waves. It is the close proximity of the electromagnetic waves to the head which is supposedly the cause of the alleged temperature increase.
You place a patch on the back of the phone, and somehow that is able to prevent radiation from reaching your head (how else could it prevent the alleged temperature increase), but does not stop the radiation from reaching the cell site some possible miles away.
And the patch is not placed in any particular way, and it's installed on the far side of the phone's antenna from your head, and it's somehow able to work at the different radiation frequencies without any change.
Results 1 - 10 of 10 for "quantum physical information wave" (articles about this product)
Results 1 - 10 of about 1,180,000 for "snake oil"
Results 1 - 10 of about 3,060 for "fear in advertising"
Such things have been around for ages - I remember a cow-orker trying to sell me a similar device [shaped like a ladybird] that you supposedly clipped to a random part of your anatomy and it somehow deflected the evil E-M waves from mobile phones as well as protecting you from harmful TV/radio transmissions, magnetic influences from pylons, spells cast by witches and alien mind-control rays.
Of course, if you do manage to reduce the overall radiation-efficiency of a current generation mobile-phone's antenna system, all that happens is that the phone cranks up the power in order to remain in touch with the base station.
Coat? Mine's the one with the '19-set High Power' in the poacher's pocket.
This is a con and does not work. I have seen this several of these sort of hoaxes before. One was even advertised by the BBC news website, which they took down after finding out it was a pack of lies.
Mobile phones emit microwaves that can be stopped by a thin sheet of metal. Placing a metal shield between you and the phone was thought to work until researchers found that it didn't unless the shield was so big as to become unfashionable/impractical. Wrapping the phone in foil should do it, but then you won't get a signal.
No need for anything this sophisticated and (I suspect) expensive. A simple barrier made of conductive material deployed as a continuous surface between the cell phone transceiver aerial and your primary neurological nexus should attenuate hazardous EMF to a safe level.
See examples at http://tin-foil-hats.blogspot.com/
Surely all this does is attenuate the signal a little and reduce the signal strength? Wrapping your phone in tin-foil probably works just as well for a fraction of the price.
Why promote this sort of crackpot bullshit on the Reg?
Anyone who believes this works or may "just want to give it a try" (WTF?) should just tape £35 to the outside of their phone. It will have exactly as much effect as the sticker on how much radiation is absorbed by their brain (i.e. eff all) and will make them look like just as much of an idiot without filling the pockets of the charlatans that sell them.
Oh dear... Not another phone sticker... Atleast I suppose someone will buy it if they have any money left after sending it to their new girlfriend in Russia.
So my plan of having tin foil hates for the masses is coming together nicely I see. Let this company get people scared and charge a preimum for their chip while I grab a roll of Reynolds and make custom hats for a tenner each. Yippieee
Of course, the company will make enough out of people dense enough to buy it.
Alternatively, there is http://i38.tinypic.com/207001s.jpg
Or of course, you know... not using a phone.
I can get one of thiese to go with my quantum laptop which runs xp with 4tB of superfast quantum memory.
mines the one with a mug in the pocket
"quantum physical information wave"? Do me a favour...
While I'm on, anybody fancy a quart of this here snake oil?
“a quantum physical information wave”
Bullshit-o-meter went up like crazy on this one, regardless of whether it actually works or not, mind you...
Not that anything using the phrase "quantum physical information wave" is worth seriously considering in the first place, but what are those thermal images supposed to represent? Clearly there is no phone in the picture. Would they have us believe that a cell phone makes the skin on your face hotter even when it's not near your head? And apparently with the aid of this chip it phone calls actually cools your neck off, very nice.
Paris because even she could see this makes no sense.
The worrying part is that Omega Pharma really is a well respected company in Belgium. The gadget seems to be developed by people with high credentials. So either they are fooled themselves, or they are desperate and trying to cash in on their reputations.
Both options are equally disturbing.
Will it stop phones from frying your balls as well?
1. Take the 1st picture,
2. have a 5 minutes phone call
3. take the 2nd picture
4. go out for 5 minutes, today is a good day for this
5. take the 3rd picture. My nose is a bit colder than at (1.) but my skin looks ok.
Fives years of research? Amateurs.
Mine is the one that shows blue on the thermal scan when it's snowing.
>"Register Hardware is sceptical, to say the least!"
Pathetic. Let me spell it out for you:
The "E-Waves Phone Chip" is completely fraudulent; it does not do, nor even attempt to do, what the lying thieves who sell it claim that it does Any money the "inventors" claim for it is stolen.
If they disagree, please give them my IP address; I'll see them in court any day. Remember, in England, it's not libel if your criticism is true.
"Remember, in England, it's not libel if your criticism is true." - Nor, discounting archaic and probably unconstitutional US state criminal libel law, is it anywhere else in the developed world, more or less.
As to the product, well, besides the dubious claim to neutralise radiation in a machine which relies on radiation (if it worked, in fact, the phone would just produce higher energy output, as it tried to establish a connection), these things aren't new. People have been making fun of them for almost a decade now.
Paris, 'cause, well, she probably has one.
I'm sick of it.
No really, I'm sick of telling people not to buy into scams, and they're still too stupid to see it.
The Green CD pen was the last straw for me.
That's it, from now on, I'm going to whole-heartedly recommend crap, especially if it's a scam, simply because I can get a laugh at how stupid they are.
So there. This Green spot, is, really really good. Go out and buy it.
It's sold by a pharmaceutical company after all. That says it all.
I must have gone through a quantum gate and mystically moved through time to April 1, 2009. Great April Fools joke! Unfortunately, someone might just buy one of these.
Mr Gates in thermal images ?
According to those who live in neighbouring countries, it's April 1st in Belgium all the year round.
Mine's the one with the quantum radiation interference shield in the pocket.
"Paris, 'cause, well, she probably has one."?
Not if it's got any sharp edges!
The zombie of Faraday will be heading straight to these morons.
Just wear a lead hat. With a wooden outer layer. Preferably under SIX FEET OF DIRT. Might as well tell us Religion A protects from electro magnetic waves.
Oh noes, the infrared is going to keel mee!
your use of the words "quantum physical information wave" is probebrly patented by Apple Corp of America (Bullshit marketing dept). Please pay up or we will sue your ass.
Love Apple (Legal Team)
All they've got to do is look around for the mug with the sticker...
just leave copies of the artice lying round the office and remind anyone you see with a green sticker on their phone about that £10 they owe you...
As inhabitant of the silly country called Belgium I have to excuse my fellow countrymen for spreading this complete bullshit around. Please send some hitmen to them to make sure they don't do it again.
Mine's the one with the new foreign passport in the left pocket
Take a cocktail Sausage Roll
Place it in a microwave oven for 20 seconds
Pick it up.. It is still OK to touch
Take a bite into the meat and you will burn your tongue.
That is what happens with mobile phones. The soft tissue in our faces don't notice the effects. The more dense tissue of the scull and brain are affected more intensly.