back to article Satanic net neologisms - nominations invited

So popular has our "top net neologism" poll proved that we're now bowing to reader pressure and inviting submissions for the "most repulsive bastard spawn of cyberspace" - words so hideous in their aspect that they cause lovers of the English language to vent steam through both ears while firing up the Twat-O-Tron. Regulars know …

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Unhappy

I hate this word

anonoblog

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Anonymous Coward

"Sustainopreneur"

I mean, what? The grand gonad of bollocks if you ask me.

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Flame

One bag of air would be...

Cloud. Though I'm not sure it qualifies as a neologism it's probably the most overused and hyped buzzword of the past year.

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Flame

Got to be

pwnage

You can't even pronounce the damn thing, and it makes you sound like some mentally deficient 13 year old (i.e. a World of Warcraft player).

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Unhappy

Please?

"Plix" apparently means "please". AHHH

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Gates Horns

Do we really need to vote?

Blogosphere.

<shudder>

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So many to choose from...

The Cloud

Going Forward (not 'Net specific, I know.)

Web 2.0

Describing books, photos, music or movies as 'content'.

Podcast

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Happy

First!

First

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Intellectual Property

Afraid this shows my Stallmanite and Grumpy Old Man credentials.

My blood boils whenever I hear someone bandy the term "Intellectual Property". It's bad enough as a generic term for copyrights, patents, trademarks and trade secrets. But when sitting down and talking to someone is described as "sharing IP" I find myself looking for the nearest bucket.

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Hmm, based on the office chatter I'd have to say...

'Twitter', to 'Tweet' - what's the point?

Anything ending in 'tard' - 'Mactard', 'Wiitard'

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Portlet.

Whenever I hear this used it takes all my self control to avoid kicking the utterers goolies up into his throat.

FFS, "portal" was a bad enough linguistic pig's ear, but whoever coined that particular bit of pompous asshattery should be burned at the stake. Then cloned. Then burned at the stake again.

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Some suggestions

pwn

lol (lolz, roflmao etc)

Micro$oft (note the amusing dollar sign)

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Anonymous Coward

Podslurping

I need say no more than that.

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monetize

"profit from" does just as well in any case I have seen, without the prat quotient.

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Just one letter.

U. Like they couldn't be bothered to type "you." Or UR, M8, any of these. Often found lurking in IM and IRC, people like this should have their fingers removed and be forced to type with either their noses or the other useless appendage they usually have dangling limp and floppy from their foreheads.

Can't be bothered to type properly? I really can't be bothered to read your drivel, either.

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@Intellectual Property By Dunstan Vavasour

Only a bucket? My my... such restraint.

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Phorm

For the lose!

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Clearly it's

'the blogosphere'

Because the notion that any idiot with a keyboard has something worthwhile to say is an excellent argument against democracy.

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My 2 cents

Cloud, Web 2.0 and all the memes that were only funny years ago on 4chan.

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2.0 on the end of everything

A label that is getting me very annoyed as it usally equates to a thick piece of gilding on a very stinky old turd.

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Where to start?

Version numbers for the Web, especially when said in that stupid 2 point Oh manner.

User generated content - most of the time meaning User fenced content

The Google definition of "Beta"

Google as a verb.

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Automagically

"Automagically"

Don't know whether this qualifies as a net neologism or whether it's just down to sheer retardedness, but either way it winds me up big style.

A couple of people have scraped the barrel and tried to claim that automagically has a slightly different meaning to automatically, but that's bull. I have never once seen a sentence where if the word "automagically" was replaced with "automatically" the meaning would have been changed.

To me it's like people who say "skellington" instead of "skeleton" or "Westminister" instead of "Westminster".

It's not a new word or a new meaning, they just can't pronounce their fucking words properly.

Grrrr.

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People who "redouble" their efforts

REDOUBLE?! They surely mean quadrupled i.e. they're so f***ing lazy that doulbling the initial "effort" was still too pathetic to be useful.

"tariff" meaning prison sentence.

"Logo"

"clarify" i.e. fudge position based on being found out to have lied.

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Maybe 'monet'ize refers to the painter

After all they're trying to paint the deal in an impressionist style, and hoping you'll spend a fortune on it...

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Past tense of tweet

@Gulfie

The past tense of "tweet" is "twat".

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Evryting 'Mash-up'

So I've been wondering, which Fucktard of a Twatdangle came up with "mash-ups".

A dumb-fuck conjunction which says absolutely nothing!!!

Mash up dat rass!!!

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I hate

Mobe

Lappy

First (and Frist)

Cloud

Use of text speak (except on 'phones, where there is a good reason for keeping it short)

I'm in two minds about *tard as well, but it (they) should be on the list so we get to vote.

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Interweb

Interweb. Was funny for about ten minutes.

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Blook

As in, a book based on a blog. Sheer crass.

Although had I my druthers, meme being used to refer to anything that is unaccountably popular, viral being applied to any video that has more than ten thousand views on the Utube, and community being used to refer to a small group of vicious loudmouthed sociopaths with internet connections and no jobs would all take a jump.

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Silver badge

anything web 2.0, including web 2.0

podcasting

blogosphere

web 2.0

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blogosphere, plx and "u" instead of "you"

Those are wot we hates, precious, yes we does

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Re: Micro$oft

@The Dark Lord:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/07/22/

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30,000 ft

Not 'net-specific, just hear it a lot in IT.

And just noticed it on a Reg story next to this one.

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Flame

Since "webinar" is already taken...

...I vote for "strategy boutique".

It just makes me think of a buch of sandy-haired men in light-coloured trousers flouncing around a meeting room done out in Mary Quant decor and using words like 'evangelize', 'footprint' and 'cloud'.

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Blog

Blog is still bad enough for me.

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Unhappy

Automagically

Not the newest of new words, I'll grant you.

But still a fucking pointless and annoying twatology.

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"Webinar", definitely..

.. with "experience" (as in "user experience", "browser experience", "online experience") as a runner-up.

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You've already hit the nail on the head

"Webinar" is the most hateful piece of verbal effluent ever inflicted on the English speaking peoples.

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'Squee!'

which is usually found hanging around 'lolz' and should be permanently joined to it - with a rusty nail embedded in the hand of the person who typed it in - but then I'm just a soft-hearted liberal.

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Digital Dashboard

As if 'and I need a digital dashboard' actually describes anything useful.

Hate it.

And votes for portal and portlet.

I practice a blank look in the mirror every morning so I can use it when they turn up in requirements.

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Flame

another vote

for 'the blogosphere'

//likes "Automagically"

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Jailbroken!

Usually applied to anything (predominantly an 'isomethingorother) unlocked for the users 'benefit'.

However, this frequently gets balanced by the next upgrade which results in the wonderfully apt "bricked".

Or the *use* of * *.

It's what we've already got inverted commas for!!

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Gates Horns

lolz &or lulz

How the f*ck do you pronounce it anyway... I can cope with lol and may have even used it but the l33t bastards have ruined it for me :-(

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Chillax

ooh, it smarts

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Paris Hilton

Pain! Death! Spiking!

To those who use...

LULZ, as if LOLS wasn't bad enough.

U, UR or any variation thereof.

ROFLCOPTER, See LULZ.

ZOMFG, See ROFLCOPTER.

The insertion of '1' or 'one' into the already unneccesary streams of exclamation marks. Not big. Not clever.

KTHXBAI, PLZTHX or any other pointless contractions.....!

Boi - Arg!

There are more, but my nose and ears are now both bleeding...

(Paris, because at least she speaks English!)

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Stop

Where to begin

plix - I do hate that one, I see it a lot, and this from the english speakers in the game I play, yes not just spotted brain-deaden 13yr .... tards play WoW, oh which Blizzard can't even "balance" right.

l33t speak in general and pretty much any word that's a contraction of two other words, you know what I mean by that..

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Rofflecoptor

Clever.

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Anonymous Coward

110% Commitment

When I hear someone saying "I need 110% commitment" I fight the temptation to walk out there and then saying "what you've asked for is impossible, so there is no point in listening any further."

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Netizen

an ugly word for a concept almost too horrible to imagine

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Anonymous Coward

I'm with Craig and The Dark Lord

"pwn" Truly a word of moronic proportions.

Personally I always envision the aforementioned fat spotty 13yr old WoW player whenever I see it.

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