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back to article Geek Wheels touted as the ultimate tech scooter

Take one Yamaha Vino scooter and enough gadgets to make Amazon’s shipping warehouse look bleak, and what do you get? The Geek Wheels techno-scooter. Tech_scooter Thought Lab's Geek Wheels techno-scooter Geek Wheels boasts just about everything you’d need for a long- or short-haul journey. Underneath the seat rests the scooter …

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Touch screen...

They joy of using a touch screen while driving a scooter.

"I just need to set the DVR to record top gear... damn missed my turning...<smash>"

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not enough.

No pulse jet, no deal. Oh, and what self-respecting geek bike doesn't have a game console or other such toy to pass the time at the lights? I mean, really, what are they thinking?

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the title

Jeez..... a poxy little moped ? You'd need a Honda Gold Wing to haul and power that little lot.

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Jobs Horns

15 minutes of fleeting fame .......

this is just another "whatchamacallit" two wheel balancing ride thing .... see, those things were such a bomb, can't even remember the name of it.

But do recall that Stevie Gods thought that those were the next greatest thing and everyone would have one. Meanwhile, they were banned from sidewalks in most major cities in the US and they aren't street legal either.

Guess they were sorta two wheeled Cubes, iPud Stereos, Apple TV's, Mighty Mouse, ..... oh and the MacBook Air (coming to a dusty shelf near you soon).

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Careful where you leave it...

There are enough places in the UK where you can't guaranty your wheels will still be on your car after being away from it for 5 minutes, can you imagine the field day the little oiks would have with that moped?! Hell, they'd just pick it up and walk off with it!

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Looks rubbish too

To paraphrase Captain Hook

You'll go, you'll look shite, you'll WIFI. And then ....... you'll die....

No amount of gadgets will make a crap looking bike look any better.

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Screens and keyboards

So on the left you have the system status monitor ("health of computer, IM, email alerts, stocks, weather, ebay auction status, media player control, and more..."), to your right you have the main touchscreen, in the middle a laser keyboard. Plus headset. I sure hope all these eight-wheelers will be able to avoid me when I'm playing WoW while listening to Korn and chatting with my MSN friends (and checking my ebay auctions, occasionally). Provided I can avoid being checked by the pigs, that is.

Nice try, but there's no way this thing makes it to the streets. All these gadgets are way too dangerous (and way too visible) on a scooter. On the other hand, it just occured to me that I do have some spare space in my trunk...

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Coat

30db micrwave antenna right next to your head?

They do realize most knowledgeable engineers put those on roofs for a reason, right? Or at least above your head a good distance so the radio bubble doesn't engulf any important body parts? I know people with pace makers should be a little concerned :P If they're waiting by a corner and one of these passes. With all this tech riding on the street, and people being arrested for "just" having a laptop in their car accessing starbucks, I'll take bets on whether this guy gets mugged, or arrested, first, lol

But aside from that freakish knobbler on the back, that is definitely trying to compensate for something, it seems like something you'll be mugged (or in todays scary world, murdered) for since its so expensive looking :P

On the other side, it would definitely make a very good emergency services data hub, just park it on a hill or drop it on a building and walk away, turning it on with a remote. It would be used to relay digital comms pretty cheaply, esp. since it's portable, and can often deliver itself, with it's own power source. Good, say, in a WTC situation where the main comms station is the building that's on fire, and being demolish... I mean weakening due to excessive heat. Building into the antenna a telescoping base could be a selling point ;-) Plus it wouldn't even need to include most of the tech they built in, making it even cheaper. Something with the sophistication of a palm pilot could control the tech on the thing theoretically, the computer would only be necessary maybe for digital relay to send important data like images or video

But like I said, aside from the complete lack of knowledge of radio technology and their associated effects on, well, everything, given the proper power output and vicinity, the scooter itself has a lot more potential than they probably realize, on a global level. Most emergencies don't involve angry mobs and terrorists/ghosts, so having more of these scooters radio hubs in places prone to any sort of disaster could be extremely handy. Hint-hint, nudge-nudge, everyone's looking for cheap solutions to problems and this one definitely has potential, as long as they make the antenna telescoping, they could even push the power up even more when necessary, esp since it would be used in emergencies.

I suppose anyone with their tech know how would be able to pop something like this together, given a scooter I could :) But I would probably just give it away, since I would probably have a scooter to get away from that kind of technical insanity, my cell phone is enough of a shackle for me, thank you very much ;-P

Oh, if anyone didn't already know, metals are used in every structure of every cell in your body, including DNA. Microwaves alter metallic structure if given enough power and time, which cell phones have been proven to be able to do, but at least the abundance of metals in our skulls protect most of our brains once our skulls harden at adulthood (pay attention to that last heavily loaded sentence). If that shouldn't make me re-think every time I popped my cell phone next to my metal filled head, or leave it next to my most prized parts which is usually where I keep my change, then I'm a paranoid freak and I'm sorry ;-P

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Linux

Power

I hope they've increased the engine output... I've known scooters that cannot produce enough charge to keep going when the headlight is on!!

I also hope it's got a GPS tracker integrated with an alarm system so it could send you a sms/email when it gets knicked!!

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The mind boggles as to

what they'd do with a Honda Goldwing...

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Anonymous Coward

Rain

All that tech will be knackered when it rains.

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Joke

scooters??

surely any self respecting IT bod rides a real bike!

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Do not want

As in do not want to be any where around someone "driving" one of these things. You thought driving while yapping on your cell phone was dangerous. The only difference here is you'll be going significantly slower on this little pile O crap. Oh and does the price include the generator you'll need to haul behind it to power all that stuff?

BTW @webster: Grow up and get a life. Or at least double up on your meds cos you're spouting total nonsensical bull shit again, kthnxbai.

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@ AC about microwaves and metals

"metals are used in every structure of every cell in your body, including DNA."

Please re-read, get clues if needed, then be very ashamed.

"the abundance of metals in our skulls protect most of our brains once our skulls harden at adulthood"

Apply same protocol. Twice.

Also, the 30 db antenna is probably not a huge problem. Keep in mind that it's a receptor antenna, not an AP antenna. If you're still afraid, you can line your helmet up with tinfoil (tinfoil does contain significant amounts of metal, as opposed to bone, most human cells or -god forbid- DNA). Easier and better, glue a strip of tinfoil along the antenna, on the side you will be.

The part of your comment about the emergency response use of this set of wheels was interesting, though. Next time cut the pseudo-biology gibberish.

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Pirate

i r pwned, pls hlp me

Sent to your messaging device about 120 seconds after you are out of sight.

followed by "all yr moped r rs."

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Take the same geek hardware

and add it to Yamaha's FJR1300.

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Flame

You won't get me on a scooter, ever.

Sorry, they have another, well deserved name: pizza bikes.

You can keep them. They've got no power to speak off unless you pay a silly amount of money, I'm not impressed by their brakes either. And as for tech on bike - I like mine bare. If it isn't functional it comes off, I don't need a crackberry on wheels that distracts me from a road with car drivers..

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Silver badge

There's an idiot born every minute.

If you're on two wheels, the most important thing is that you can get out of the way of the mouth-breathers in cages who think they own the road. Adding weight to that l'il scoot is contra indicated.

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Ash
Joke

Nope

No frickin' laser beams.

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Geek wheels?

Nah, total FAIL.

1) It doesn't seem to fly. At all. I'll bet you can't even get the sodding thing completely off the ground over the humpback bridge after the downhill section going into the Vicarage Road estate in Watford*.

2) It doesn't have that oddly futuristic styling that a spotty, overweight type with halitosis and BO would assume is capable of snapping knicker elastic at range and everyone else would assume is the work of Damien Hirst's evil twin.

*This is possible in a fully-laden 7.5 tonne truck though.

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Joke

I notice...

...that the photo shows the electric cable to power everything trailing off to the back, guaranteeing that you won't get more than a few yards before pulling the plug out...

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Coat

Shocking!!!

However now I can make a quick(ish) gettaway when setaling WiFi! The areial tops it off though. It's like the classic Chopper Bike I had growing up... only not cool!

Wonder what the battery is like. And whether it charges off the alternator. As for using the gadgets, I'm sure there is a fail safe that does not allow you to have the engine on and use the gadgets at the same time.

Mines the one with the mini moto in the pocket

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Call that a frikkin' SCOOTER

WAAAAAAY to few mirrors

Nowhere to hang a parka

and where are the bleeding foxtails then?

And no Crazy Frog comments?

Brrrrrrriiingggg d'ding d'ding d'ding ding ding ding.

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Bzzzzzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzz Why is the freeview freezing

For the under 18's?

Ok what about when it rains?

Hairdriers look like those disabled scooters anyway, you won't look any worse with a big antenna sticking out of yer arse!

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Paris Hilton

Haven't I seen this soemwhere before

I think I once saw a "Mac on wheels" yeah someone had basically built a trike with a mac in it , he towed the radio transmitter / power pack and solar charger behind him had a 5-6 button finger pad so it's not exactly groundbreaking stuff.

In saying that, that "thing" barely looks like it's got enough power to move itself let alone power anything else.

Paris as I think she's got more IQ points than the "designer"

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@Jake

> you can get out of the way of the mouth-breathers in cages who think they own the road

In practical terms, they *do* own the road, which is why *you* get out of *their* way. Plus, if you're going to get a bike for that reason, you need a bike with power and manouevrability. Not a scooter.

The least useful Win has to be: Moral Victory Guy...

(laughs uproariously from paraplegic ward)

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Stealth?

What's the point of the two stealth antenna with that fuck off big aerial on the back?

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Unhappy

@RaelianWingnut

"In practical terms, they *do* own the road, which is why *you* get out of *their* way. Plus, if you're going to get a bike for that reason, you need a bike with power and manouevrability."

And keep your head on a swivel, and always have an alternate track, etc. I get it. That was the point ... The wife & I have matching R 1150 GSs and matching Ducati 916s, I have a '59 Pan, she has a more modern Evo, I have a KZ900, she has a CB750, and we both have 250cc Ninjet race bikes (and a couple of wrecks for spares). We just sold 4 old BMW airheads and a couple old Nortons and Triumphs (too much maintenance), and the '00 Hayabusa that we acquired as a partial payment (daft bit of kit for street use). Horses for courses & all that. We typically each put 35 to 45K miles per year on the bikes. We have taken part in Iron Butt a couple times, but we avoid the yuppie stuff (Hollister, Daytona, Sturgis, etc.). We ride, and rarely talk about it.

So why type about it here? Because of this:

>(laughs uproariously from paraplegic ward)

I hope that you're not trying to be funny. The whippets & I regularly visit friends in various care facilities ... and it's not funny. At all.

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