Feeds

back to article BOFH: The paperless cafeteria

"How's that paperless office coming along then?" the Boss asks enthusiastically as he enters Mission Control on his daily constitutional. "Paperless office?" the PFY asks. "Yes, you were saying the other day that we should go to paperless." "No I was saying how our printing and copying contract was extortionate," the PFY …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.

Page:

Coat

Neither is Steel.

Mine's the one with holes in time for pockets

0
0
Flame

Classic BOFH...

...but no Credit Crunch angle? Fo' shame!

0
0
Thumb Up

I'm too young

to remember Sapphire and Steel

0
0
neb
Happy

title? we doan need no steenkin title...

nice

=)

0
0
Coat

I can relate to this

Back when I was studying in my country's National Univ. we also had a "special" cafeteria. They had a very broad menu that consisted of three staples: sausages, plain white rice and lentils.

Oh joy, when they tried to vary the menu, you ended up with jewels such as: bulletproof pork rib, eternally chewable beef stew and the mystery soup. I did notice that whenever they varied the menu, the local homeless dog and cat population dropped down a notch or two. To make matters even better, most bathrooms were paperless indeed.

The washing shirt icon because it illustrates your options when you find that there is no paper. Socks, shirt, or your undies.

0
0
Thumb Up

oh damn

Paperless office, indeed... Simon, you're responsible for my lovely new Aspire One's recent espresso-filled keyboard... But worth it, absolutely...

0
0
Thumb Up

Transuranic elements.

Wow, as soon as I read that I knew the derivation. It made me shiver with nostalgia.

Of course, Steel's not an element either. So that pokes an even wider hole.

But who cares really, Joanna Lumley was delectable.

Mmmm, Sapphire.

I'll get my leather trenchcoat.

0
0
Paris Hilton

"Sapphire's not an element!"

Neither is Jet.

So confusing....

0
0

Nice nod to Xerox at the end

Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

0
0
Thumb Up

Excellent climax, but...

""So we could get..." the Boss says"

This is a boss that's actually on the BOFH's side...! That is far too unrealistic - everything else the bofh does has a sense of realism, but this is just going way too far!!!

I hope the PFY remembers the director's hidden luxury bathroom when he's doing his 'paperless' rounds :)

0
0
Thumb Up

brilliant!

just the thing i just needed after a fubar night and morning at work: boss diarrhea. brilliant. they really should introduce... paperless catering... at my place of work! definitely saved my day - cheers, simon!

0
0
Stop

Salty tartare sauce

I'm so disturbed and wish I didn't have mayo on the sandwich I *was* eating.

0
0
Coat

Title

I wish the BofH would stop reading my mind - my S&S box set arrived yesterday...

Mine's the one with "neither is steel" written on the back. In nice jet and diamond sequins.

0
0
Happy

Genius

Say no more

0
0
Happy

Castor ....

.... and yet no info on ricin ... ah well :-)

0
0
Thumb Up

Class!

'Transuranic heavy metals may not be used where there is life'

You owe my client a new monitor - this one has just has a permanent coffee screen saver installed! B->

0
0
Thumb Up

I have tears...

(of laughter!!) running down my face!

BOFH of the year (so far).

0
0
Silver badge
Coat

"Sapphire's not an element!"

... Nor was Steel, but it was still a wonderfully original piece of TV SF!

Mine's the one with the series DVD in the pocket...

0
0
Happy

"Sapphire's not an element!"

but then, neither is Steel...

ah nostalgia

0
0
Bronze badge
Heart

"Sapphire's not an element"

Neither was steel, but the memory still makes an old techie very happy, thank you.

0
0
Go

@Nostalgia

Nice one - and with nostalgia too.

This took me back to 1967 when I was a sixth-former - and a little escapade involving Phenolphthalein** and the coffee-urn in the Masters' common-room.

Sheer poetry in motion(s).

AC for obvious reasons

"Go" 'cos they all did..........

**

No-one then knew it could be carcinogenic, and the school chemilab was awash with the stuff...

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Hmmm

"deep fry them in castor oil" Would that work?

0
0

*chuckles*

Hideously cruel, love it!

0
0
Happy

I'm sure

that's what they do in our canteen!!

0
0

<title>

Brilliant... Just, pure brilliance :)

0
0
Unhappy

Life imitates art

I have recently found out that I am (genuinely) on Tier Two in our organisation's catering scheme of things.

That's Tier Two out of seven. It's tramp vomit, but they rinse it under a tap first.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Oh

sh!t Now that's funny.

0
0
Heart

AHHHH...

BOFH is back, and on top of his game...

Now, where do I send my bill for a new monitor and keyboard after spitting OJ all over it?

0
0
Coat

Paperless

Class! Especially the PFY's 'committment' to paperless at the end :D

0
0
Unhappy

Better paperless than...

...the sandpaper we get in our 'offices'

0
0

Thank you!

Thank you Simon!

My jaw has been hurting the last week and laughter is the very best medicine! Once again, you where hilarious!

0
0
Silver badge
Heart

Classic

Classic!

0
0
Thumb Up

'Transuranic heavy metals may not be used where there is life'

Sapphire and Steel reference FTW!

0
0
Coat

Nice 'Paperless loos'...

So there is another use for the hand dryer then. Hmmm..... gotta love that aroma.....

Mine's not the one hung up in the toilets.

0
0
Happy

Transuranic heavy metals may not be used where there is life'

That brings back memories of Joanna Lumly.

Not to mention proper kids TV.

0
0
Les
Thumb Up

Lovely

Sapphire and Steel references and some good quality evil-doing. Good stuff.

My PFY tells me I must be old because Sapphire and Steel comes from before he was born. Mutter.

0
0
Coat

Wow

OMG I am in creases. what an episode.

I vaguely remember the bog-roll trick from my early days in IT.

Topsy

Did I leave my coat here?

0
0
Boffin

Brilliant!

And so the PFY strikes again - he's an evil son-of-a-b*tch, but so very funny! Thanks for brightening up a dull Friday afternoon for me!

0
0
Happy

EVIL..........

Truly evil, but brilliant!!

0
0
Alert

OH S###!!!

looks like the WC's paperless as well...

hehehehehe... nice one :)

0
0
Happy

People are racing back for seconds instead of to the toilets!

I couldn't decide it that was funnier than deep frying everything in castor oil. Thank for the laugh this fine friday. It's always good to know that someone else has been to the same cafeteria with the same end results.

0
0
Tom
Silver badge

@ Better paperless

" ...the sandpaper we get in our 'offices'"

Luxury, the stuff we have is like a cross between wax paper and plastic cling wrap.

0
0
Coat

Somehow reminds me of...

..when I was a teenager and worked in a restaurant. A friend of mine worked for a pharmacy and gave me a roll of labels that said: "May cause discoloration of the urine or feces" I was bored one day and spent a few minutes affixing them to our stock of canned vegetables, all perfectly lined up, and in the same spot on every container. The owner came in and noticed them and hit hit the ceiling. I remember a frantic call to our supplier with him ranting and raving. I'm sure that our supplier rep had no idea what he was ranting about and thought he'd taken leave of his sanity/needed some sedation/had a mega-dose of crazy for breakfast.

0
0
Bronze badge

Nice

Now THAT'S funny.

0
0
Black Helicopters

ooh

Should have replaced the loo rolls with sandpaper so the bean counters can take the rough with the smooth!

0
0
Thumb Up

Classic

Poetic revenge with no violence involved (with exception of violent diarrhea). Would've snorted coffee all over my keyboard, except I finished it by that time.

0
0
Thumb Up

Classic

I have to admit I was worried there for a moment with the boss actually in on this plot but you delivered brilliantly Simon. Taken me several minutes to compose myself enough to be able to write this.

Reminds me of when I was doing technical support for a major ISP, our cafeteria had what was lovingly called the "wheel of death" with various and assorted dodgy items in it. Not surprisingly no one ever actually saw anyone re-stock the thing. They either were ashamed or didn't want anyone to know what was actually being put in it. However it went well with the "microwave of doom" which you had to actually press a button to stop, if you just opened the door like you would any other microwave the thing would keep running. Though it was terribly funny watching the new people jump like frogs and yelp like kicked dogs when the thing reached out and "bit" them.... Ah the memories. And yes the restrooms were largely paperless as the cost to constantly restock them would have bankrupt the company.

0
0
A
Thumb Up

Excellent work Simon!

That's easily the funniest thing I've read all month!

0
0

Heh...

I don't know what planet you're living on but in my experience caf food is invariably shite.

But anyway, thanks for the inspiration to go dig out those old videos. 2 people wandering around a cheap set chasing funny lights. Amazing stuff despite all that. Of course, she being hot helped!

0
0
Happy

I should know better by now

But I just had to wear mascara on Bastard-day, otherwise known as "Friday"...

Good thing my office hasn't gone completely paperless yet!

0
0

Page:

This topic is closed for new posts.