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Ok, so what about giving them a little university-of-life experience?
Computer: "Choose one of the four nice characters in William Fioravanti suits to befriend"
Computer: "Hi, you are a sweet one, shall we be friends?"
Computer: "A new political opportunity has arisen!"
Computer: "Your new friend stomped on you for political gain, leaving you a bloodied heap to be eaten by rats. Play Again?"