When you've got a problem it's always good to have a couple of bastards to call upon in times of trouble. Sadly, Brand and Ross aren't taking calls at the moment, so I have to call upon a fellow IT bastard, Jerry, for his thoughts... "So how big is this pile of monitors?" he asks. "180 last count," the PFY says. "And you don …
The cunning, in inciduousness... genius.
I'm just firing up OOo Impress to generate a recall notice, then I'm off for a weekend trip to the French duty-free.
Mines the one with the chunnel ticket in the pocket!
Now, who's chair ...
I may have some very reasonably priced office furniture available in the near future if there are any takers
... while making a truckload of dosh on the side. Or in this case, several truckloads. From every possible angle.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Brand, Ross, Luton, Liverpool... loved it all
A couple of years back we had to dispose of a slightly smaller sum of CRTs. It amuses me that we had to register a producer of hazardous waste in order to do so!
BOFH makes most Fridays so much more entertaining.
Whats wrong with Luton?
This is the second time my hometown has been mentioned in a derogatory manner in the BOFH. What is so amazingly wrong about Luton that it is immortalised in BOFH print?
Anon cos deep down I am ashamed to be living there
Thanks Simon, that's been the highlight of my day so far!
"...where birth defects go largely unnoticed.."
Mines the one with the liver birds badge on the lapel and the crosshairs on the back
"Five quid for mercury, but it's ten quid for radiation because they have to ship them to Liverpool - where birth defects would largely go unnoticed."
"And premature death is a blessing," the PFY adds.
this just made my monitor wear a mouth full of tea.
You do realise you give people ideas with these though.....PFY fire up the colour printer i got some recall notices to do, is 5 laptops too much? and you know high management are stupid enough for this.
There was an ill-informed scare about CRT radiation in our office many years ago. The result of this was a handful of end users buying protective glasses (at twenty-five notes a shot) from a dodgy mail order company that made them look like they had insects' eyes.
Like this: http://tinyurl.com/twatspex
A stunning victory for the IT department.
Third world . . . Alambama
(wipes early morning coffee off of display)
Quote: "...ten quid for radiation because they have to ship them to Liverpool - where birth defects would largely go unnoticed."
That's the second-funniest thing I've read today :)
The funniest is here:
The last bit about exploding pistons really got my funny bone.
Top notch as always.
It's an old adage that for anything to be really funny, there must be an element of truth in it.
Some years ago, a mate working in London told me an interesting tale. He and his colleagues were delighted to find on their arrival one morning, nice shiny new chairs with all mod cons. They were less delighted to find that these were loners while their existing cruddy old chairs were refurbished. Anyhow, after a while said crap chairs were returned, reupholstered, refurbed and with all the nuts 'n bolts tightened up. The celebrations of the management at their financial acumen lasted until about 9:30, when one of the larger of my mate's colleagues arrived and flopped heavily into his refurbed chair. This resulted in a significant BANG and the subsequent destruction of a rack of kit by said large gentleman, now with a stainless steel pipe shoved up his arse.
The cheapskate management ended up paying for the refurb, new chairs, some kit and a large out-of-court injury settlement.
RE: Whats wrong with Luton?
What's right with it?
Brilliant piece.... gives me an idea...
Chunnel ticket in pocket.
Now I need one - as my old one is beyond repaid thanks to "And premature death is a blessing," the PFY adds.
THATS more like it ! ! !
Luton? Third world?
I've been there, and have to travel through it twice a day - even at 60 mph it looks worse than most 3rd world towns I've been to (Mogadishu, and both Birminghams...)
Mine's the one with an invite to the Mad Hatters Tea party in the pocket.
RE: What's wrong with Lutton?
Twice? You must go and read the archives...
dihydrogenmonoxide comes to mind...
time to cash in on the watercoolers ... and the plumbing throughout the buikding, with the price of metal these days .. ka-ching
ah a proper Friday
New boss, loads of cash for our relentless heros, and a maimed bean counter all in one episode. Gawd I love the smell of a good corporate fleecing in the morning.
I can relax for the weekend now. Thanks Simon!
Best learnt lessons
Are to NOT have anything in your mouth whilst reading BOFH!
I'm from Germany, so please could one tell me what's the fund about Brand and Ross?
btw. a grand BOFH as nearly every time - Thanks to Simon
"A few Tasmanian desktop upgrades during the move?"
LOL! It's been a while since I've heard a "two head" reference.
Having said that, my ideal setup would involve 10 or 12 monitors...
Where's jim the boss SHOUTNIG HIS USUAL DRILVE ABOUT THIS WEKS EPISOED????
Very, very funny.
One of the best BOFH episodes in ages. "Hazardous Radiation" - an excuse anyone falls for, including the Boss...
I really have not laughed so much for ages. This one was truly, truly brilliant. Especially since I know of a (small Company/major uS-based it outsourCer - delete as approriate!) organisation who actually seem to have fallen for sometihng pretty much like this...
full of zappy goodness
Chock full o' nuts, as they say. The real killer this time was the twist (of the knife) at the end.
Poor poor beancounters.
Anyone worked out how much booze you can get for 900 quid?
(Paris cos for 900 quid who knows what you'd get!)
Tasmanian Desktop Upgrades
Put me out of my misery, please.
What does Tasmanian Desktop Upgrades refer to?
(Mines the one with the well thumbed OED in the pocket)
No Woolies in Luton
What's wrong with Luton - ask Woolworths, because they've left.
Guildford got it's branch back a few years ago, so is obviously OK.
Tasmanian Desktop Users
I'm guessing it has something to do with the old aussie joke.
What's the difference between a Tasmanian and a Queenslander?
A Tasmanian has two heads , whilst a Qlder has one head + a scar on their shoulder.
Hmmm going to need to think up a title for myself when I form a company soon. BOFH is much more tempting than MD.