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back to article US forces want man-hunting robot wolfpacks

Trouser-moisteningly terrifying news broke this week, as it emerged that sinister forces within the US military are looking to develop a remorseless robotic wolfpack capable of hunting down "a non-cooperative human subject" in "an indoor environment". Yes, it's true - last month, crazed Pentagon brainiacs asked contractors to …

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Black Helicopters

rotm

the march towards judgement day continues unabated. i for one welcome our robotic overlords

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Wow, Lester!

Posting directly from the pub with a strong whiskey in hand?

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Black Helicopters

Too late for Lewis

Sorry Lewis, you obviously forgot to grout your tin foil hat at some point. The mind-control beams have somehow managed to penetrate your defences, as your article quite clearly shows.

You might only be displaying the early symptoms of CIA brain control, but there's no turning back, I'm afraid. Attempting to rationalise away the obvious Rise Of The Machines story here with the simple canard of pork-barrel Military-Industrial spending was a credible attempt, but those of us alert to the signs can see the smokescreen for what it really is.

When is your appointment for cybernetic upgrading?

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Happy

I for one..

welcome our new robotic overBANG!!!

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Black Helicopters

Have These people...

...never seen any of the Terminator films?

Robotic killers will be the death of us all and, probably within minutes of being switched on, will have turned on mankind and will be trying to wipe us out.

Given this situation I for one welcome our robot killer overlords

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M7S
Bronze badge
Black Helicopters

They've been watching re-runs of Minority Report

Its the spiders the police use

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Rob
Boffin

big magnets

couldn't we surround the entrances to our undergorund septic tank bunkers with big fat electro magnets that will degauss any attackers?

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Flame

Looks like only the educated will survive..

the robot uprising.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Survive_a_Robot_Uprising

Fire to confuse their thermal imaging.

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Anonymous Coward

Farenheit 451

Electric Hound.

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Flame

just write your bloody novel already, Lewis

Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

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Come with me if you want to live.............

Sarah Connor!

Anyway, the robots are already among us as proven by B3ta yonks ago. Just look if you don't believe me at the original version of the California Tourist Board advert. The end bit gives them away.....

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/California/

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Silver badge
Alien

Shooting for the Money

"I for one.. welcome our new robotic overBANG!!!" ..... By Dave Ross Posted Friday 24th October 2008 15:37 GMT

With todays modern Universal Serial Bus ConneXXXXions , what's not to Welcome and Like, Dave?

"When is your appointment for cybernetic upgrading?" ... By Anonymous Coward Posted Friday 24th October 2008 15:32 GMT . Crikey, AC, can't you Read and See that Lewis is Pioneering Rogue Craic CybernetIQ Code for Semantically Assimilation and In House on the House Distribution ..... AIVXXXXine to the Pervasive Invaders' Perverting and Corrupted Pox.

I concur with your welcome sentiments. ..... but then NIRobotIQs would be naturally be predisposed to tITs Support and Innovative Drive. Bravo Lester.

"Posting directly from the pub with a strong whiskey in hand?" By Dangermouse Posted Friday 24th October 2008 15:21 GMT. ..... An Irish WMD is strong whiskey. And the Poteen stuff has the Power to blow you Right into Space with Nary a Thought about Comeback or Eventual Landing.

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Sorry...

Sorry Lewis. Confused you with Lester there.

I need a drink...

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Black Helicopters

If they...

a) give the contract to a company called "Cyberdyne"

b) decide that they want the "Model T-101"

then that's it, stop the planet, time to get off.

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Black Helicopters

Have these people...

...never read The Ice People?

This *specifically* mentions hunting packs of slavering mutant robot killing machines shredding humans like so many cattle in a slaughterhouse!

/off to Montana mountain bunker complex etc

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Alert

Pics?

This story absolutely must be illustrated with your Lego kits.

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Silver badge

Be wery quiet - I'm hunt wobots

If there is a shortage of human soldiers, they should not be developing killbots that hunt humans. The other side will be short of soldiers and will be using killbots too. They should be working on a robot that hunts robots.

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Bronze badge
Alert

we know where this all ends...

"Defense network computers. New... powerful... hooked into everything, trusted to run it all. They say it got smart, a new order of intelligence. Then it saw all people as a threat, not just the ones on the other side. Decided our fate in a microsecond: extermination."

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Thumb Up

Excellent article

Informative.

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Black Helicopters

the machines are coming!!!

lucky i have my tinfoil suit, just the thing to mask those pesky heartbeats, and the microwave raygun built out of a microwave oven. They'll never get me.

OH NO, they're here. It's ok, i can take th

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Anonymous Coward

Fahrenheit 451 anyone

Sounds pretty cool, actually.

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Silver badge

Why not just use dogs?

<SirHenry> The 'bots are all fagged out after yesterday's Jehovahs Witnesses, and we don't want blood all over the lawns again ... </SirHenry>

With apologies to Vivian Stanshall.

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Bronze badge

"My god - could it be - sometimes technology ...

... makes things better than they were before?"

Good point. With my peaceful IT background I'd never have considered this.

But it's irrelevant as tech is just a tool to use (as are the military?) so 'better' depends on how they are used. Another (robotic) tool is perhaps another warm paving stone down the road to another war; easy on the feet.

Someone said (ref?) something like, wars should be bloody and horrible so people work to avoid them. This tech vapourware stuff suggests war can be easy and clean.

It this hi-tech crap misses the point, that western societies are open and therefore vulnerable. If I was Mr Albert Quaida, I'd have gone for the easy and difficult to trace stuff, not the obvious of planes-into-buildings - why they haven't so far I don't understand. Though I am grateful. Robot soldiers become irrelevant in such a scenario (information collecting, however...)

Sometimes war seems necessary, sometimes sending in the lads is a mistake and we should be trying to fix underlying problems. But that would involve long term statesman-like planning, so that's not going to happen izzit.

BTW I understood that the game-theory scenarios could be broken easily by simply behaving randomly. If dog-robot can see through walls then game theory analysis becomes somewhat irrelevant though.

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Bronze badge

Ah! The Answer is a Halitosis bomb

If you over stimulate the sensors, for example a powerful burst of the relevant radio emission for heart signals and as mentioned extreme halitosis, with luck the things will grind to a halt. At which point it is only necessary to spray them with distilled essence of 1967Ford Escort corrosion to destroy them utterly.

Failing that , a suit of armour, if you can't beat 'em join 'em!

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IT Angle

IT

All complex systems are as good as their IT department... I hope our metal overlord have such department. <BANG>

"Hello, Helpdesk...."

"Have you try hitting the Cap Lock?"

"No, just once..."

KC

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Black Helicopters

Re: Farenheit 451

Does the Instruction manual for the (proposed) "Mechanical Hound" come in a handy comic book format, one asks...?

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Unhappy

But why?

I mean, spend millions to develop robots that act like bloodhounds? Why not just train real dogs instead?

Oh, grant money! Never mind!

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Mike Crawshaw

left out C:) they name the computer network controlling it SKynet

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Black Helicopters

US Forces get the bot

I really just wanted to post the title.

While I am here I should point out that south american food gives me a bad case of vortex energy ring.

I thought that last one was beneath me, but apparently it wasn't.

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Alert

Not just used in someone else's home...

these kinds of tech are easy enough for a government to deploy against their own people inside their own borders, where they wouldn't want to use a missile, as they do in someone else's home.

Still, if they used them to examine the schools full of children they've been blowing up in Pakistan, then they might be more prone to *not* killing people.

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the entire building or neighbourhood ?

" ... or we blow up this entire planet and possibly one or two other we noticed on our way out here!"

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Anonymous Coward

Soulless squads of (steel) stormtrooper assassins

Hah!

Apart from the steel bit it reminds me of my days with Fireforce,

But, have to say, where's the fun in doing your asassinating second hand?

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Black Helicopters

@mike crawshaw

"...a) give the contract to a company called "Cyberdyne"

b) decide that they want the "Model T-101"

then that's it, stop the planet, time to get off...."

nah. it'll be worse than that. they'll give the contract to microsoft. then we're all fucked!

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Pirate

unfortunately this is a VERY serious matter

history shows that group of humans under the order

of a government can kill large number of other humans

("dictatorship" or "democracy" in this respect

being the same, compare the famous comment of

Madeline Albright on the necessary death of Iraqi children)

however in order to push a group humans to kill other

group of humans there is the need to convince and to keep

motivated the former to do this kind of task

(with propaganda, promise of more money etc.. etc..)

and do to this there is the need to seize and maintain power.

Killing humans by means of other humans have therefore

some "entry barrier".

On the other hand killing humans by means of an army of

robots would need just a Dick Cheney seize power once and

then dig himself in a bunker with a joystick and keyboard...

sorry guy, that's no laughing matter...

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Flame

"SHIFT JEWS, THEN PUSH THE BUTTON" X-ian hardliners better hurry...

...otherwise they might not be able to attain rapture before robocalypse.

Also, it seems as if some "Minority-Report"-watching dudes, having been able to implement "precrime" (locking away people before they commit a crime), are now looking to get those Tom-Cruise-hunting robots online. Nice.

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Anonymous Coward

Robot Coutner Tactics?...

Surely with the amount of advances in offensive anti-human robot technology, there must also be advances in defensive / or anti-robot technology.

Can the register please do an article on the current state of robot defensive and anti-robot technology. I can't believe that there aren't companies out there (including DARPA) who see the opportunity or necessity in creating this tech.

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Joke

Fembots

Yes, I'm thinking FemBots....should take care of most of the male population in short order.

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Coat

Tinfoil HAT?

I'm getting rigged out for a whole tinfoil body suit. I don't need those robot dogs sensing my heartbeat when I'm hiding.

Mine's the one with the metal lining...

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Boffin

High-tech assault?

Low-tech defense!

Cell phone terrorspying? Wrap phone in (yes) tinfoil - or just chuck it in the microwave oven and CLOSE THE DOOR. (Works just fine.)

Tazerz, Bro'? Stainless fine-weave fuel screening, two layers - with a layer of (yes) tinfoil laminated w/hot-melt adhesive in between. Suggest a simple doublet to start, then greaves or chaps and arm-sleeves. Gauntlet-gloves (not mittens) too. One might employ a flannel or light denim lining. Avoid chafing while in the field.

"Sonic" millimeter-wave voice-to-brain-thru-walls harassment/stalking got thee bugged, Brother? Or just need to know for certain between this and the infamous hallucinatory effects of hyper-stress coupled with exhaustion and the like? Tinfoil dome-shielding under the old /chapeau/ has provided useful half-split diagnosis PDQ many, many times. (If voices persist, it is likely NOT "Sonic Microwave" tech; lots of B vitamins and otherwise healthy living tend to help the other causes fade off in time...)

Not that a full top-down assault of such magnitude affords one much time to sleep or eat at all, of course. Somalia was kept for the Somalis, one gathers, by (among other things) the use of much /dagga/ at all times... Also by fighting the invading 'Mellicans while buck-naked, with full-Spirited fearsome battlecry and lots of Just Everything At Hand.

Like a Ninja. Dissed for the very first time...

USDC MIL-spec Pain Rayz? Full-body coverage in the above mesh/foil material oughta' just about do it. Just leave the tinfoil out of the eyeholes in the face protector, is all. (Looks bugeyed in the sunlight, but Faraday is still Faraday, even post-noinsey-'levvensey, now ain't it?)

Packs of killdroid dawgz? Hm. 50/50 putrescene/cadaverene oughta' swamp the stench-sensors; mebbe not so very hard to isolate from raw materials so long as no neighbor complains. Capsicum oil or plain ol' fine-ground black pepper might help too...

Might want to spray the antipainray gear black so as to not be so shiny, but lessee 'em defy Sir Michael Faraday on that one as well.

High tech assault - low tech defense. Live long, love well, thrive and prosper every day. Also prepare. You *know* /they/ are. And in a broad, general way, you *do* know /who/ "they" are. (Your Tax Dollars Perverted and Turned Against Us All, is all that need speak of this.)

As for the Offensive/Invasive Microwave Gear: Any decent dent in any exposed waveguide is a good one. Any broken antenna is non-resonant. Even a semi-speedy low-tech caplock musket-ball could do a fair job of that while CyberCujo is separating the stench of rotting meat from the stench of raw sewage deep within "his" robo-snuffling olfactorization kit, hm?

Like a word to the wise, one pin in the coax is sufficient.

The Boffin, because *all* Junior Manufacturing Physicists tend to become a natural-born National Resource in times uv risin' tyranny, now don't we just, me beloved laddie-bucks! <Arrr-rr-r.>

Reject ALL Terror. (You KNOW you WANT to.)

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