Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin has equipped his dog with a satnav tracker collar, according to reports. The device is linked to the Russian national nav-sat constellation, GLONASS, rather than the more commonly used American-run GPS. Deputy first prime minister Sergei Ivanov, who was tasked with obtaining the canine …
Why not GNSS???
I can understand the patrotic reasons behind using GLONASS in this situation but they could have just gone GNSS which would have included GPS and therefore a) Provided a better fix all times of the day and b) Provided a backup when one of the constellations gets switched off...
Lewis, Lewis, Lewis...
...you continue to amaze. I was happy enough with the subhead, until I ran into this:
""I am a touch late, as I promised to give Connie the collar this summer," said Ivanov, no doubt sweating slightly."
Fantastic. I have a similar story - a friend-of-a-friend who described the potential failure of a Russian business venture as, "...not so good for me." No. Not so good indeed.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell? With state supplied prosthetic smelling aid, thank you Tovaritch!
"in the forest, lying in a puddle".
Now that's what I call a brainfart !
The world needs more people like this in national government. People who say what they really think, no matter how unpalatable it may be to others.
How disrepectful! Do you mean his soon-to-be-ex wife or the nubile young gymnast he left her for? "Yo, Vlad, where's ya bitch, dude?"
Mine's the one with the tracker sewn onto the Astrakhan collar
Unique? My arse
Deputy first prime minister Sergei Ivanov, who was tasked with obtaining the canine security device, said that it was unique - the "only one of its type in the world".
A quick Google comes up with:
OK they probably don't use GLONASS, but certainly could be described as previous art
First CIA/Terrist/Lizard Soldier to use this to find Putin when he's alone in the woods with no-one in sight & look at him down the barrel of their sniper rifle wins!
Shuts down when stationary
Great, so if the dog's lying somewhere dead or injured you'll never frikkin' find it??!
Good thinking there comrad!
In a forest lying in a puddle?
Lying around in puddles is precisely the kind of thing Labradors love to do in my experience. The resemblance between them and piglets is marked, although in generaI I would say piglets are usually cuter, less drooly and probably smarter.
re: you'll never frikkin' find it
I presume the system has a log, it had to move to get there so if it's turned off you assume it's stopped, or been run over.
@breakfast - "The resemblance between [Labradors] and piglets is marked, although in general I would say piglets are usually cuter, less drooly and probably smarter."
... and considerably tastier.
This bit of the article was interesting though:
"Moscow is probably more interested in military operations and the guidance systems of missiles."
Is it me, or is there a tiny flaw in a missile guidance system that only covers your own territory? Maybe they plan to use it in a sort of binary mode, i.e. nuke everything that isn't part of the Russian Federation.
@Unique? My arse
Presumably the uniqueness is from it using the Russian GPS satellites (GLONASS) instead of the American ones.
Or didn't you read the article?
Surely we can somehow use this technology to prosecute all dog-owners who persist in letting their dogs crap all over our otherwise (littered, violent, wet) beautiful country.
Da all well and good torvaritch but...
...come back and brag when it includes a built in mobe to allow you to talk to fido whilst he's busy lying in the puddle.
Response from Russia
We discussed this article in our popular IT-resouce Liberatum.ru and decided that the United States incorrectly interprets the goals and objectives of GLONASS.
its a plot
The russkis are gonna send free puppies with the satnav collars to the states....
In reality each collar will allow an individual reentry vehical to target select individuals....
the russian name for the secret plan is сила щенка loosly translated as puppy power....
''but Moscow is probably more interested in military operations and the guidance systems of missiles.''
They're putting labradors into missiles? The bastards.
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