Here's some excellent news for El Reg's enormous Paris Hilton fanbase: The extravagantly talented heiress has declared she's decamping to London, having already spent a month here slumming it in a £7,500-a-month Hampstead pad while filming a show for MTV. Ms Hilton cooed to the Daily Mail: "I love it here, I am going to move …
"Our Paris has wasted no time marking her new territory."
Yeah, I think I saw that movie.
There goes the neighbourhood...
We lose Madonna and get Paris instead? Not much of a swap is it? How far does this trade extend? Does Guy Ritchie get to screw Paris?
One waste of oxygen for another, some might say - and I'd be with them.
She'll be in good company!
All we need is "Posh" (and Britons are supposed to be ironic!) Beckham to come back to complete the set!
Lipstick and two smoking chiwawa's
Maybe its me, but wouldn't Guy and Paris make for intresting times?
'I'm much happier here', coos talented heiress
Hasn't Paris been disinherited so the tag line for this story is terribly out of date.
Come on Reg! Keep up
And of course who else could it be......................................
And thus ...
... we see more evidence of another one of nature's physical laws: the law of conservation of celebrities.
This is the good immigration they're talking about amirite?
And who says this skankrag can move to London? Are there not immigration controls?
We don't need another service leeching benefits whore in London!!
Keep her out!
First something to drag you feet first into my historical context:
Now the coup de grace:
"I once skanked a man, who felt up a girl, who was dissed by the Prince of Wales"
Now the uncomfortable confession:
I think i have just demonstrated exactly why i have been a cultural outsider for all of my thirty years...
I have to laugh at any El Reg newbies baffled by the Paris stories on an IT site.
Why not i say.
And i second my vote for Lohan as a celebtard understudy.
Goes to show
That we really need to firm up the Immigration policy in this country. If this was Tory rule - no way would she get in!
Make her welcome until..
she's been parted from as much cash as possible (she could probably bail Gordo out single handed) , then she can go.
She failed to grab the attentions of the princes...
Because they're not even in the country at the moment. They're both in Africa, raising money for four charities.
Goes to show she doesn't read Auntie Beeb.
A truly great word.
I, for one, welcome our new celebutard overlords.
From America I say to you: Good luck with that!
Paris ups sticks to the hilt
... to the eyeballs
... to the William Tell Overture
Great new word usage... Celebutard
Almost makes me think they can be moulded into custard...
RE: 'I'm much happier here', coos talented heiress
Surely it's the 'talented' part that invalidates the title?
Takes all the fun out of guessing the name of her next sprog.
You heard it here first :-)
Celebutard? Nah, Skanktard.
Goes To Show ? Yeah,right
@Neil - Is your comment sarcasm? If it isn't, which previous Tory government used to bar rich 'merkins from the UK? I don't remember one, in fact I distinctly remember them crawling up the US's arse whenever they could, just the same as the current lot do.
Everyone I've ever met who remembered Tory rule with nostalgia, seemed to be confusing their personal relative happiness ('cos they were younger, or had a better job, or a better shag) with the actual affect that Tory policies had upon their own life, which was often in fact negative.
Jolly Roger - because they are all scumbags...
She's Pretty much....
screwed anyone that matters in the US of A why not take a jont over the pond and spread the goodwill....
>/ She knows all about goodwill!!!
immigration controls fail dismally......
London awaits you
I for one welcome our new attractive leg-overlord.
I sincerely hope it's not the end of Simple Life though, I would find that devastating
Paris in London. Oh my God, that's so, like, ( flaming ) hot
That incident was simply a matter of class..
It was a matter of class because the princes should have had the style and grace to just say hello and then get on with whatever they were doing.
They proved themselves tellingly to be without the grace or class - like little children.
I think Paris would do well ignoring them completely, the UK clique isn't exactly worth mingling with anyway unless you look like part of a horse, the whole inbred lot of them.
Yeah, I'll have my coat now, thanks. It's the one without the horse hair, cheers.
Yet more London-centric drivel from southern pooftas.
Tell her to move to Manc, she'd love that A LOT more!
Vote for Paris.
Welcome to your spiritual home, baby. Pop down to your local Job Centre and check out the vacancies.
"Government seeks bright, uninhibited, dumb bimbo to replace empty headed, ageing female ideologue. Apply in writing to the Home Office."
I know you don't need the money, but think of the power-tripping. Yours for the asking, kiddo.
There's a quota??
Speaking from the US side of the pond, I have to ask: Can we please, Please, PLEASE get this quota raised??
An Awful Warning to the Yank-bashers
Let this be a lesson to you all. Be nice to our American friends or they'll line up the heavy artillery. We could end up with Britney Spears, Scrawny Spice*, Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson and Christina Aguilera.
And unless Mr Chips wins next month, they could even saddle us with Sarah Palin.
*Yes, I know Scrawny Spice originally hails from over here, but she's saved us the cost of transportation.
@why not take a jont over the pond and spread the goodwill....
As long as that's ALL she spreads while she's jaunting well over here!!
Keep the lower appendage jokes to yourself. They ain't big and they ain't clever - the jokes that is not her legs....
You're Welcome !
Ah ha ! Our master plan is working !
First we export "the Paris" ... then "the Lohan" followed by "the Spears" ...
"I'm proud to be an American, where now we're Paris-free.
You can't give her back you're stuck with her now, and boy we pitty thee.
And I'd proudly stand up one more time, and send you a few more twits ...
... for there ain't no way on God's green earth --- you could grow such perfect ___ !
Celebrity + Retard = Celebritard, surely..?
And the Nostrodamus award for future prediction goes to.... Jimmy Somerville for "Communards"... Obviously something to do with communists and retards. I would say that he also predicted the "when you pirate MP3s you're downloading communism" poster too, but then I realized that no-one has ever downloaded any of his work :-D
@ "celebutard" - do keep up
Keep up at the back!
This particular neologism has been circulating on El Reg's comments for weeks. Anyway, the word is 'celebretard' - a combination of 'celebrity' and 'retard'. The clue is in the shared 'rit' sound in the middle, geddit? Inserting a 'u' sound simply misses the point.
Tell 'em, Sarah.
New El Reg writer?
Now that Paris is in London it would be a good idea to add her as a writer for El Reg... you know when BOFH is not in...
I was wondering ...
... why the average IQ here in California seemed to have risen a couple points in the last couple of weeks. Hopefully the talentless aging strumpet Ms. Ciccone will stay east of the Mississippi ...
Where's the Paris angle???
Now, Paris in London... that's one "file system check"ed geography lesson!!!
Nay, 'tis indeed Celebutard, an amalgam of celebrity, debutante, and retard.
Yes, Paris is known to have the intelligence of a doorknob.
Yes, Paris has been accused of being a waste of oxygen and organic matter.
Yes, she may have all the social graces and etiquette of a wildeebeast
Yes, she has starred in a couple of home made videos that has raised more than the occassional eyebrow
Yes she may have even had the occassional public drinking binge that's ended badly,
and yes, Paris tendeds to flash more than her pearly whites at public events as long as there isare plenty of cameras around.
But damnit we at el! Reg have lovingly adopted her as a mascot (of sorts). So please have a bit more respect for our dimiwtted, alcohol swilling, pussy flashing, skanky amateur p0rn star, OK.
So she's withdrawn her campaign then? Damn...
Lets give them
OJ, John McCain, Sarah Palin, rush, Bill O'relly , Paully Shore.
yeah, the paris hilton life style would be well suited to you lot up there. her idea of class is along the same lines as a pikey winning the lottery. so should fit in well.
Her 'n' that catona bird could swap baby making tips too.
My grate frend Bambi can't get a US visa at all and we let *that* into BRITAIN? Which slacker is in charge of the drawbridge these days?
Leave Canada Out of This!
@Mike Smith - Pamela is Canadian! ThankYouVeryMuch for leaving us out of the Celebutard sweepstakes.
@Anonymous Coward 'Northeners'
"Her 'n' that catona bird could swap baby making tips too."
What do you get when you cross a celebutard with a nonebrity?
Answers on a postcard......
@jake - average IQ
minor correction... average IQ is always 100, which oddly enough means that if a person with an IQ lower than 100 leaves your area, and you are above 100, your IQ will actually come DOWN.
So you can thank Paris for handing you a lower IQ..
If you have 2 persons, person A with an IQ of 80, and person B with an IQ of 120 (to make the average IQ of 100), and person A is removed, person B will now have an IQ of 100.
Hope that brightened up your day :-)
Trust a mathematician to over analyze throw away pseudo humor ...
- Tricked by satire? Get all your news from Facebook? You're in luck, dummy
- Feature TV transport tech, part 1: From server to sofa at the touch of a button
- Google straps on Jetpac: An app to find hipsters, women in foreign cities
- Updated Microsoft Azure goes TITSUP (Total Inability To Support Usual Performance)
- The Return of BSOD: Does ANYONE trust Microsoft patches?