"Trust us - that's the proper collective noun for fertility researchers."

Are you sure? According to the OED, "fecund" is an adjective ...

Not sure what your IT angle is ... unless it's I/O ...

Perhaps all the men in NZ have little sperm left, given how they get far more sex than their drunken chauvinistic Aussie cousins?

"environmental toxins, diet and modern changes in lifestyle"

Environmental Toxins - in New Zealand? It's paradise on earth (as shown on Lord of the Rings and other such films). If that's the case, the prognosis for the rest of the world is dire (read Mumbai, Shenzhen, London, Mexico City etc.).

Not got anything to do with all those cows and sheep perhaps ? What if the the population went vegetarian, according to PETA this might improve matters (i.e. reducing another factor that could cause population growth falling - http://www.peta.org/mc/NewsItem.asp?id=4595)

Maybe the difference is that the Aussie guys spanked the monkey underarm. No wonder the Kiwis, em, came off second best.

I would like to help. I can send some off in the post, just pop some in a Jiffy bag* Under EU laws can I charge per gallon or will it have to be a litre to avoid prosecution by the weights and measures nazis?

*Real men come in a Jiffy

Mines the one with the hole in the pocket

the Antipodeans are having some troubles down-under.

Isn't that "the home secretaries office"?

I have used this article as an excuse to pop an email out to my NZ-based laydee friends advising them that I can offer some fine scottish love-juice should they find their local supply to be not fit for purpose and happen to be passing through at the same time.

I'm sure I will be inundated with requests for my services*

Steven R

*Read as: Restraining orders.

Every other bugger I meet nowadays seems to be planning on upping sticks and heading to either Oz or NZ. Maybe the next test they should be adding to the immigration qualifications should be a sperm count?

You know, the swallows?

Nice one on the collective noun for fertility researchers. Nice one Sarah for plinking the prescriptivist twerp complaining that fecund isn't a noun. Nice on on the "protokids per" semi-unit. I was a little surprised and disappointed you stuck with the boring old SI "millilitre" to round it out, but on second thoughts I'm a little squeamish about expressing it in more "natural" units. Good taste prevails (or not... I didn't set out to set up a double entendre). I'll go with Paris anyway.

Have you seen what Helen Clark looks like.....most people mistake her for a bloke at first glance, it's enough to drive down anyone's sperm count as the little buggers run and hide in terror.

(for those of you who don't know, Helen Clark is our (hopefully ex-) Prime Minister

"Maybe the difference is that the Aussie guys spanked the monkey underarm"

Nice trick if you can do it, I suppose.

Kinky, too.

[Mayfair-branded Barbour jacket, obviously]

I think the collective noun for fertility researchers is a Malthus, actually.

@Cristoph - the three-quarters of the country that don't live in Auckland are now extremely pissed off at you. I advise you to stay away from Wellington.

As a fellow kiwi, with 4 gorgeous kids, I have to agree with you. Uncle Helen could curdle milk.

But don't forget we now have an anti-spanking law, so of course this would affect the figures.

"Aucklanders are JAFAs."

Sorry, but the acronym didn't make it across the Tasman.

* - Just Another Friggin' Australian?

* - Jeeze, Always Fornicating Authoritatively?

* - A mis-spelling of 'Jaffas' (Oz's favourite hard orange-coated chocolate confectionary, beloved in my yoof as the perfect missile for use during Saturday arvo matinee sessions at the local flea house, but I digress)

* - ???

* - Profit^H^H^H^H^H Sorry, wrong web site...

Enquiring minds need to know.

Penguins need to know, too.

Not getting enough plenk-tun. Our swimmers are beached as...

Oh no! Now us NZ men will be forced to have twice as much sex in order to produce the same number of babies! The injustice of it all.

The having babies icon, obviously...

Funnily enough, I'd rather have a PM who can actually run the country, not one that baboons like you happen to fancy.

Paris for PM, eh? Or maybe John-boy and Winnie really *are* more up your (cough) alleys?

(I also agree with AC #2 - it's because kiwi guys are getting more real lovin' than their antipodean Aussie cousins - the pumps are running a bit dry)

...many years ago moved to NZ. He is "monorchid" == one ball less than is customary for males.

Wonder if that'd account for the 50% reduction in lil' swimmers? Or maybe there's too many 'lefthanded websites' in that part of the world.

Have you seen OUR (Finnish) President, Tarja Halonen???

Her hubby needs a fuc*king medal for "Services well above the call of ANYONE!!!"

(She's a great lass, incidentally)

Paris, 'cos I need a wank.

Nope, Jaffas are seedless oranges. D'uh. So, vasectomy comment makes sense, it was my monicker for one of my managers when he announced he'd had the "Final Cut" or he'd be immitating the "John Wayne Walk" for awhile.

JAFA = Just another Fucking Aucklander

JAFFA = A Seedless Fruit

If you don't like The Reg readership, find another job. Its obviously you have some issues as you feel the need to respond in *our* section every time you post an article (although this one is by Lester?), whereas the other Reg writers don't.

Coat icon - for you.

>>If you don't like The Reg readership, find another job>>

DO FUCK*IN What??

Leave our Moderatrix alone. Or fuc*k off.

Bestest (as my Finnish g/f says) - Do both.

Now, take my two words of advice concerning sex and travel.

Fuck off.

You and your putrid comments make me angry.

Andy Crofts, Valtatie 5 as 15, 90500 Oulu, Finland. Not ashamed to show it.

Pop round sometime, but remember, we've got as many guns per population as US.

Dickwipe.

So... does this mean that if that old '70s band "10cc" were from NZ, they would've had to call themselves "8cc"?

aughh.