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The nation's pets are at risk of coming a cropper through run-ins with the latest tech toys, according to shock new research. A survey of 3000 irresponsible morons pet owners conducted by Petplan pet insurers found that careless gadget fans are injuring their animal companions on a daily basis with their expensive plastic button …

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I'm sorry...

But this has just made me laugh lots. Does that mean I'm A Bad Man and that I'm Not Going To Heaven?

(Note: 2 cats, 1 dog. None injured by electronics or peripherals. Though one of the cats does like to sleep on the printer)

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Coat

Is it inappropriate..

To wonder what kind of entertainment could be produced by a pair of tights, a double decker, and a balloon?

Slow night on tv eh?

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Thumb Up

what title?

A friend of mine once had the most stupid dog it has ever been my misfortune to encounter. His boxer ate pretty well everything it found in front of his nose, including a discarded gym sock.

No need for a vet though, the animal yacked it back up about an hour later, much to my mates girlfriends disgust.

Cost of dog: £100

Cost of a pair of socks: £5 ish

Cost of seeing said dog yack a sock into a prissy bints lap...etc etc.

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Anonymous Coward

perhaps

it's just that people intelligent enough to not injure their pets with gadgets, are also intelligent enough not to use petplan!

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Black Helicopters

TFI Friday

Thank you for drawing our attention to the technological menace which is harming the nation's pets. It's just one short step from here to mechanoid kill bots who kill off the dogs in order to assist their flesh covered terminators in their infiltration of society.

Helicopters because there is no suitable killbot icon.

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Shredders

Our vet has a warning poster concerning dogs' tongues and shredders - Hammer horror stuff

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That's one hell of a terrier

to eat a wrapped double-decker bus.

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Dead Vulture

What, no "neglect invalidates this policy" clause in the insurance?

"The dastardly iPod was responsible for most injuries in reptiles and cats"

How the hell is an iPod directly responsible for any sort of injury? Are the things falling and squishing tiny little reptiles? Are there geckos hanging onto the side of them when they fall off the owner's belt and swing around by the earbud cable directly into a wall?

Most of the stuff on there I can see happening, either due to an owners irresponsibility (anything involving a fan and a small, normally caged animal) or due to the animal wanting to be a part of the family playing (such as getting stepped on while using a Wii), but the iPod one baffles me some.

Tombstone, because, well....

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Linux

what can we infer about pet preference v gadgets?

"iPod was responsible for most injuries in reptiles and cats". Can only possibly read this to mean that dog owners are more careful and/or aren't fanbois. Although I note there are no injuries to penguins recorded...

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Paris Hilton

Not engineered enough!

"...small dogs do not actually have functioning legs." Unfortunately, these mutant rats do have a fully functional, if somewhat shrill, bark and the temperament of middle management on an amphetamines with a deadline due that day. I've yet to work out how something that small can be so loud!

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it's got to be said

"iPods don't kill kittens, people do!"

*laughs self sick*

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Little dogs are like little men*

"...small dogs do not actually have functioning legs." Unfortunately, these mutant rats do have a fully functional, if somewhat shrill, bark and the temperament of middle management on an amphetamines with a deadline due that day. I've yet to work out how something that small can be so loud!

compensating I think ;)

*Note to anyone offended (werl you have to be careful these days)..I don't mean VERY small men, just those hovering around the 5 foot mark or so

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Jobs Horns

ipods injuring animals

Perhaps the animals aren't following the guidance and are turning the volume up too loud?

My kittens have be known to eat hair ties, and chew through speaker cables, but they've avoided any serious harm... yet... I think...

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Pah...

I had a dog that ate kinder toys. At one point it also ate a large batch of clothes dye.

Vet said that things would "work themselves out"...

And they did.

Although there's much hilarity to be had watching stunned people as your dog craps out little cars/golfers/Disney characters or pisses a blue line down a wall...

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Happy

natural selection at work..

Which seems to have paid of so far for the cats in our house.

They seem to have gained the ability of being able to distinguish between fatal and non-fatal voltages on any cable they come across..

12V power adapters (especially the alarm clock) : non-fatal.

240V cable right next to it.. fatal. Thus never touched.

optical or coaxial audio cables.. omnomnom.

TV/BR/DVR/AMP power cords.. eeew

Ethernet cables.. though stuff. but the right wire is enough to cause days of diagnosing a router and network interface.

My pets seem to be perfectly safe at home.. it's just my tech toys that are at risk.

(still it is good to know: in case of ROTM, release cats.)

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Jobs Horns

iPoop responsible for most injuries in reptiles and cats

It's obvious really.

Here's the scenario.

Fanboi leaves iPoop on the side, charging.

Cat goes to investigate this thing that gets more attention than it does and paws at iPoop to see what it is.

Fanboi see this and in his unbridled rage at such obvious disrespect to the sacred offspring of St. Jobs beats the cat to death with his Crapbook.

RSPCA & Police arrest Fanboi, subjects him to a body cavity search and throw him in the slammer with two MSSQL DBA's in their polyester shirts and one scruffy, smelly Linux Evangelist (Acolyte of the Divine Saint Torvald).

Sorry, got a bit carried away there. Was enjoying myself too much. <LOL>

I daren't use the Paris icon as I'd be off again!

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Happy

I just want to know...

seriously, how the blue bloody hell can you injure a guinea pig with a karaoke machine ?????

Ob Pet : Cat, no predilection for cables at all, but has sustained several sharp static jolts while trying to sleep on top of the (CRT) TV. And if you can't laugh at that there's something wrong with you.

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Col

The truth is...

God, in his incarnation as the Most Holy Jobs, may be killing kittens, but we all know why He does it... And there's your Paris angle, too.

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What about cats falling off LCD monitors and TVs?

Mine were most upset when I switched from CRT.

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Happy

That dog...

"Although there's much hilarity to be had watching stunned people as your dog craps out little cars/golfers/Disney characters or pisses a blue line down a wall..."

ROFLMAO!

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Paris Hilton

long-suffering genetically-engineered mini-mutts

OMG, I thought you said MUFFS; and I thought - how true!

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Flame

@the other steve

re "how can you injure a guinea pig with a karoake machine" .

well this is really easy, most people's singing is so bad, that it probably inspires the poor rodent to find something sharp and try and burst it's ear drums on the said implement. (self harming guinea pigs, now there's something for the animal pyschologists to think about )

I know I feel like putting a boot throught the TV's speaker when I am forced to listen to the X-Factor by having to go into the same room where my wife is watching it on the TV.

I'm surprised Simon Cowell and co still have the will to live. Although I suppose if I got millions then I might just be able to put up with it.

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bring back ultra sonic remotes.

I think we should go back to ultra-sonic remotes, these were brilliant at really upsetting your mutt.

(these infra red ones are just no fun at all )

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Silver badge

Erm...

>Your correspondent once had an Airedale terrier which ate a pair of tights,

Assuming said tights belonged to correspondent, how mind numbingly unimaginative for a would be dominatrix. Unless, as was hinted to earlier, the tights, double decker and ballon were employed simultaneously. In which case, one can see how a terrier of an innocent persuasion might have thought he was valiantly saving his mistress from God knows what evils using the only means available, eating the offending items.

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Sam

Fucking Petplan???

They left multiple silent messages on our answerphone, and I intercepted one when I recognised the number.

I asked the moose where she was calling from, and the stoopid hooer said "from petplan"

I spoke slower, and next time around she got it. "from India" she said.

Then I told her I was registered with the TPS. Call over real quick.

I have a ton of equipment in my gaff, and have never had a feline mishap.They all like gadgets in my workshop as well.

Tonight, I shall repose with two 3 year old mogs, and one all black 3 month old called merlin, who likes to sleep draped across what I laughingly call my head.

Unharmed.

Them, not me.

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Thumb Up

Heheh

"Although there's much hilarity to be had watching stunned people as your dog craps out little cars/golfers/Disney characters or pisses a blue line down a wall..."

ROFL Nice job have people looking at me strange now for laughing like I did.

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It's way more entertaining

To watch them trying to pass said items after a bit. One of our pups ate a pair of sisters underpants and paid the price the next day. Unfortunately, so did I since I had to "help" with the operation. ewwwwww

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Boffin

Rats several Tech 0

No rodents have been damaged by my tech, but so far, 1 TV card remote with buttons removed five minutes after unpacking the remote.. rubber was apparently the food of the gods as far as this particular rat was concerned, multiple corded phones, phone extension cables, digitiser puck cable, various mouse cables, and many CDs found in favourite stashing point under the sofa on cleaning day.

Cables with no electricity running through them are no fun, as I had an old corded mouse on the floor under my desk for months which went unmolested. I have since made sure every cable is well out of reach, and then made sure again when proven wrong, so I don't get any more chewed cabl.................................................................

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Happy

Not the sharpest marble in the deck

Our dog once ate about 3/4 of a pound of baker's chocolate. We figure the only reason he survived is that he heaved most of it up. He was alternately VERY cheerful and energetic, and shaking uncontrollably. He spent a very uncomfortable couple days at the vet recovering.

But that wasn't the really odd one. One day we noticed he was quite uncomfortable performing normal bodily functions that responsible dog owners generally clean up after. Uncomfortable to the point of yelping and failing to perform. After an initial examination the vet gave him a sedative and did a more detailed search with the help of a latex glove. Can you guess what she found? I'm sure you have. It was... a sewing needle.

No, really. Honest.

The vet was as baffled as we, but our best guess is that he ate a threaded needle off a table, and the thread dragged the needle pointy-end-last almost all the way through his digestive system, until it lodged sideways just before it exited. By that time the thread had probably been digested, so it was no more help. In fact, it was probably pure luck the needle made it that far.

If that needle had stopped ANYWHERE before that point it would have required X-rays and a very expensive operation. I don't even want to think about that.

The moral? Don't leave ANYTHING out. The dog will eat it. Seriously. Velcro everything you own to the ceiling, including the kids, the furniture, the refrigerator, and the ladder you used to get it all up there. Just to be on the safe side, Velcro your car up there too, and you in it.

Cats? Cats are easy. Just don't feed them anything that clashes with the carpet.

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Anonymous Coward

The right honourable title

I'm eagerly awaiting the Webster Phreaky angle on this.

And remember - if it's small enough to step on, it's a rat, not a dog.

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Hardware fault?

With tamagochis and whatever, the mental capacity of the average user, the problem is that pets have failed to remain current. I can't remember the last time I saw a USB-equipped guinea pig...Our senile old cat gets on the computer a lot more than my mum does. Not that it helps any.

There is quite an anti-apple spirit in this thread.

Remember, an apple a day keeps the doctor away - 'cos he only uses PCs.

As for the toy-shitting dog with blue piss - thats fucking great! just take him to someone else's house if he is looking at all desparate - that so-so friend with the expensive white rug

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Stop

Its late and I'm tired but WHY?

"One of our pups ate a pair of sisters underpants and paid the price the next day. Unfortunately, so did I since I had to "help" with the operation. ewwwwww"

Why oh Why did a picture of Paul Daniels pop into my head, performing a part of a magic act where he pulls a string of sausages out of a hat, assisted by the lovely Debbie McGee wearing her trademark gold sparkly outfit?

Whats worse is I'm sober as well

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Not the sharpest marble in the deck

Heh. Lots of dogs will just eat anything. I worry that people don't know not to give them chocolate, or indeed raisins and grapes. The smaller the dog the greater the danger from these things.

Oh, and I must mention the lilies thing - you know the pollen from those things is poisonous to cats so you've got to watch it. If it falls on them and they lick it off their fur, they're in trouble.

Animals are weird, basically.

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Happy

@sarah

The grapes??? really....the underpants eating dog LOVED seedless grapes...would lay on her back, peel them, and then eat.... never had any problems coming or going!

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