The daughter and grandson of a Northern California woman decided to forego the usual funerary niceties when 84-year-old granny popped her clogs in December last year, and cremated her on a "improvised barbecue", LA Times reports Kathleen Theresa Allmond, 50, and her son, Tony Ray, 30, allegedly disposed of Ramona Yolanda Allmond …
Now, if the old woman had been persuaded to consent to the affair and to having her bones used for jewelry, we could have a wonderful new craze sweeping the world. Instead this.
I had to check in case I was missing something:
culvert. noun. a covered drain or channel carrying water or electric cables underground, eg under a road or railway.
How do you cook a turkey or cremate a body in a culvert?
It's all just too weird, they have an almond orchard and are called Allmond. I wouldn't go scrumping for almonds there, not after seeing the photos anyway. Jesus H Christ in a monkey factory, they are scary.
and the govment want's to ban bad pronz and drawings and writing. I doubt these folks enjoyed much of any of those.
No mention of kebabs ... but did they use Granny's own recipe BBQ sauce on the spare ribs?
"About 25 years ago, we had a guy and his wife who kidnapped a gal and kept her under the bed for a couple of years - but I guess this is a little more bizarre."
No. I disagree. I've seen the full story on TV of that under-the-bed kidnapping. If it's the one I assume it is (how many can there be?!!) the under-the-bed treatment went on for many years, involved repeated torture & BDSM, brainwashing, & even a brief release for the kidnappee to see her family, before she voluntarily went back, only to be locked in the casket under the bed for another year or two. And the torturer's wife & kids happily lived in the house with the bed the whole time!
This surely beats what is little more than another variation on ritualised cremation. Don't many Indians do this sort of thing all the time?
Keeping a child IMPRISONED UNDER A BED FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS (imagine the psychological trauma of that!) is less bizarre than simply deciding on a home cremation of a naturally deceased relative?
Those yankees..! ;-)
A title is required.
Isn't a culvert a small stream? How do you cook aything in one?
If you look at the mugshots, that guy is clearly a Klingon, they do that kind of stuff.
Re: A title is required.
It's a conduit, innit.
Is it me, or is Mr Ray trying to pull of a bit of a Klingon look?
Was it a proper barbecue?
Was she cremated on the outside but still frozen in the middle?
A culvert in this case is clearly a type of concrete pipe as would be used to make an underground drainage channel. Add a metal grille to one and a hole in the side and you gots yourself a bbq.
The Culvert Angle...
I suspect they're referring to a short segment of concrete or steel culvert flipped on end. You occasionally see these in the US filled with dirt and planted with flowers and pressed into service as vehicle barriers. I would imagine that it would make a reasonably good fire ring as well, though a bit large for your average turkey and a bit small for your average granny.
The Cereal State
And you wonder why Americans refer to California as the "Cereal Bowl"? Because it's full of nuts, flakes and fruits!
We think Arnold may not be from this planet. Present or future.
Okay, so someone already brought up the irony in that. Still, though... that's just creepy.
As for the Klingon-esque nature of Mr. Ray... I can kind of see that. Though, the tattoo on his forhead bears a remarkable resemblence to the emblem of the Decepticons. If you squint. Maybe.
If you listen really carefully...
there'll be the sound of banjo music in the background...
land of the free-aks
Very freaky indeed. I'm going to email a copy of the story to my gmail account just to see what adverts it comes up with. I'll include the word Klingon, as I don't think gmail can interpret photos yet.
keep those social securuty checks coming
That is the financial incentive to hide the death of an elder.
Do Klingons barbie their elders?
Personally i thought they were more of a couple of odd bods that might get a walk-on at the Crab Shack. The woman looks like her name is Earl II.
Usually, you cut a culvert in half length-wise, then put a grill on top.
Similar to a BBQ made from a 55-gallon oil drum, only bigger.
As for the Back-Yard Gourmets with a Geriatric twist, they have to be nuts. They own an Almond orchard... and they're last name is Allmond. Totally nuts...
Mine's the one with grease and sauce stains and the tongs in the pocket.
>" They had previously "used the culvert to cook their Thanksgiving turkey"
Surely that would only have been a problem if they'd done it the /other/ way round?
I can't believe nobody caught the fact
That the son waited 9 months before "raising the alarm"
Must not have talked to the old gal very much.
Looking at the mugshots, i concluded that this cant be a real story, its viral marketing for Fallout3 release in a few days
land of the free-aks part II
Sadly, gmail couldn't come up with a single advert. Doesn't anybody sell anything for Klingons?
cremating without a permit
So, did they charge them for cremating a turkey, too?
Then fashions necklace from chunk of skull
"Then fashions necklace from chunk of skull"
How touching is that?
"but I guess this is a little more bizarre"
Er,,, no. No freaking way. Ever.
A piece of information for you city boys. That is a septic tank not a culvert. In case you don't know what a septic tank is, It is where you digest the poop that doesn't make it to El Reg
From the pictures in the L A Times, I would say that they look like a couple of average Californians doing the bizarre things they think of as normal.
Paris because she is not realy average
Down here in Aust, We refer to Americans as septic tanks.
Sheriff's really belongs to this place
I have to agree with The Voice of Reason ; the story about the girl under the bed is certainly the most horrifying ordeal that happened to a human being in a supposedly civilised country during peace time. One can only wonder how the brain of that girl did not shattered completely during this truly unbelievable cruelty act. There have been more violent acts, or longer kidnapping, but the balance of both in that specific case is jaw droping.
Cooking and burning dead granny rotting corpse to ashes is totaly piece of cake in comparison. What's chilling is the apparent lack of concern from the sherrif for the aforementionned girl abduction and following psychological damages.
What about Elisabeth Fritzl, the Austrian girl who was kidnapped by her father at 18 and confined to the house cellar for 24 years, repeatedly sexually abused, and gave birth to seven children - one of whom died in infancy and was cremated in the building's own furnace, and three of which had no access to daylight until their release?
Might just be me...
"Kathleen Allmond did, however, confess to officers she'd "fashioned a necklace with a chunk of the woman's skull" and then "posted a MySpace photo of herself wearing it while holding a flute". The ritual significance of the flute is not noted."
Thats the most amusing paragraph i've read on here :)
Under the bed kidnapping:
Doesn't anybody sell anything for Klingons?
Ch,Ch,Ch, Charmin I think you can get cream for them or is that piles .
This investigation was sponsored...
...by the Association of Californian Funeral Directors.
"Leave the disposal of loved ones in our capable, professional hands - or else!"
"although there is no suspicion of foul play"
They made a necklace out of granny's skull and then went all web 2.0 on it as a trophy, surely that's enough to make the police slightly suspicious of the whole thing.
Stuff for Klingons
The cream is for piles, Shirley?
Use a bidet for getting rid of Klingons and/or sootikins.
- JLaw, Kate Upton exposed in celeb nude pics hack
- Google flushes out users of old browsers by serving up CLUNKY, AGED version of search
- GCHQ protesters stick it to British spooks ... by drinking urine
- China: You, Microsoft. Office-Windows 'compatibility'. You have 20 days to explain
- Something for the Weekend, Sir? If you think 3D printing is just firing blanks, just you wait