"ZoneAlarm is a massive pain in my ass, whenever a home user has issues connecting to a website or some other network program the first question is always "Do you have Zone Alarm installed?", at which point if they say yes then I get them to turn it off and problems magically go away."
Technical Support - a play in three scenes
---------------------------------------------------------
Scene One
bigolslabomeat is at his/her desk. The phone rings.
#User:- Help, I'm getting all these messages on my screen that I don't understand!
#bigolslabomeat:- Ah, I know this one. Have you got ZoneAlarm installed?
#User:- Well, actually, yes.
#bigolslabomeat:- Well there's your problem right there. Turn off ZoneAlarm.
#User:- Hey, the messages have stopped! You're a genius, cheers!
Scene Two
#User:- I rang yesterday and you told me to turn ZoneAlarm off. Now my disk light is thrashing all the time, my friends are complaining about the 250 fake medications emails I sent them yesterday, and I've just had a bloke from the States on the phone claiming to be from the Department of Homeland Security wanting to know why I was hacking into the Pentagon at 3am this morning!
#bigolslabomeat: Thank you for calling. Please leave a message after the tone ....
Scene Three
#User: Hello? Hello?