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back to article 'First production-line energy weapon' now shipping

American weaponry colossus Northrop Grumman says it has delivered the first production-line solid state energy weapon to the US Air Force. However, the "Vesta II" raygun module doesn't have enough power to meet US military goals for combat applications. Actually it's some kind of diagnostic instrument, apparently At the …

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Joke

Shark attachment

Does it come with an option for mounting on a sharks head?

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Coat

I for one...

welcome our new forehead-attached solid state frikkin lazorz shark overlords.

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Bronze badge

I read that as...

Vista II, some kind of software deathray maybe?

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Beam spread

Well boil my bunnies, there are ways for this to be (ab)used as true terror weapon.

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Joke

Re: Shark attachment

Don't be daft. No self-respecting shark would be seen dead with a piddling 15kw laser on its head.

This tech is still at the cod / herring / flounder market level.

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Alert

Sharks!

Sharks, sharks, sharks! Will someone PLEASE mention sharks? Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarks!!!!

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Flame

What?!

"a laser weapon that utilizes push-buttons for easy operation"

Who the hell uses the term "push-button" anymore? Is it 1958 again and I missed the announcement?

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Anonymous Coward

Is this anything to do with.....

Sharks ....?

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Anonymous Coward

Described by Northrop as ...

"a laser weapon that utilizes push-buttons for easy operation" ... as opposed to the ratchet and crank-handle ones they developed to be deliberately hard to operate ... then again, that does sound ominously like kit they'd sell to the Navy ...

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"testing device for lethality"

Regarding lethality: So what can you use this on except for humans and animals?

Plants? Germs? (Legal) Aliens? I'm not really in favor of this kind of testing (nor deploying)...

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I'm still trying to work out

How to set my laser printer to "Stun"

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Just....

How the hell is the shark supposed to press the button???

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damn !

i would at least have expected touch screen and an iPod compatible docking connector...

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Coat

Mmmmm...

Vesta II...presumably powered by late 1970s boil-in-the bag curry

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Anonymous Coward

So what's the problem?

Get 10 of them, mount them on that exoskeleton thing that was mentioned a while back and point them all at the same point. Et voila, instant 150kW "Chest O'Death".

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Go

Push the button (please)

The need for push-button operation comes from the obvious fact that, during the time taken to operate the slider, dim the lights, cover ones eyes and all that, the X-Wing and/or Millenium Falcon (depending on V1 or V3) will have time to swoop in and destroy the offending weapon. Thereby saving the Ewoks from severe economic consequences. Or something like that. NURSE!

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Re: testing device for lethality

"Regarding lethality: So what can you use this on except for humans and animals?"

Er, you can't use it on humans. If it hits them in the eyes they'll be blinded, and *that* is specifically outlawed by some treaty or other. (Coz obviously blinding someone with a laser is unethical, whereas using an armour piercing shell to turn the interior of their tank into a swarf bucket is fair game.) And if you use it on animals then you'll *really* upset people.

So this weapon appears to be limited to inanimate targets. I, for one, welcome this development and look forward to a new age when the military aren't allowed to kill anyone anymore, just smash things up a bit.

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@Steven Hunter - Push button...

not to be confused with shirt-button...

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I think....

.....you're all being very silly. Keep up the good work.

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Good to see...

..the El Reg hive mind in full swing.

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Ash
Joke

Set Vestas to...

al dente?

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Happy

I would like to anounce

My entry into the munitions business, any one want to buy a a half used roll of tin foil, sorry a "light weight anti lazer weaponry neutralizer"? a snip at $1999.99 per square foot.

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Cue Cheap Disco Effects Defence....

I wonder how effective this would be around something which was swathed in fog?

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Black Helicopters

if you like that then get this ... Electronic Gadgets for the Evil Genius

ISBN 0-07-142609-4

Got mine from the US today .. its got some great DIY projects in it including ...

Electrokinetic Gun

High-Energy Pulser

Plasma Thermal Gun

Handheld Burning CO2 Gas Laser

Thirty-Inch-Spark Tesla Lightning Generator

Plasma Lightsaber (!)

Ion Ray and Charge Gun

EMP Generator

Phase Pain Field Gun

and my favourite ... Pain Field Property-Protection Guard ... which according the description produces "a moderately powered source of acoustical, ultrasonic energy ... causing certain adverse effects to the intruder. These may be paranoia, severe headaches, disorientation, nausea, cranial pain, an upset stomach, or just plain irritating discomfort." Cool 8-)

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Tim
Black Helicopters

Environmentally Friendly

This will truly revolutionise the war on insects. The days of toxic fly sprays are surely numbered.

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How will this help them get Osama?

How will this help them get Osama?

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Happy

My Flying Car...

I can haz it plz?

rayguns are obviously on the same cool-tech-development page.

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Alert

I think the "sharks with frikkin lazor beams" thing

has now officially jumped the, erm, shark.

Anyways, I want to see the kind of Powerpoint presentation you can do with one of these bad boys

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Re: if you like that then get this ... Electronic Gadgets for the Evil Genius

Sounds like required reading for the BOFH. :)

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@ Fluffykins

To set Laser printer on stun:- Raise above the head of intended victim, release suddenly. ( For multiple simultaneous targets, more arms ... and printers are required.)

My kettle is 2·4 Kw and it boils in under 2 minutes, the Vesta ( Named after a box of matches) should be able to provide me with a cup of tea in less than 20 seconds, I'll buy one!

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Joke

@ Fluffykins

"I'm still trying to work out how to set my laser printer to "Stun""

Ok, I'm probably going to Gitmo for revealing this, but all you have to do is:

A> Unplug laser printer's power and usb cables.

B> While carrying laser printer, approach your target from behind.*

C> Lift laser printer high over YOUR head, then bring it down sharply onto TARGET'S head. Mission accomplished!

Or alternatively, you can just use it to print out pictures of goatse and tubgirl, then leave them where your target will see them.

* approaching from behind is highly reccomended as it keeps the target from running away or punching your lights out.

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Joke

Pah

That's nothing. I made my own my following a youtube instructional video. Now my converted lazer pointer pen can set a pile of kidling on fire within 4 minutes. Take that rip-off matchstick makers!*

* Requires 4 x AA batteries to light each fire. You must replace the pointer after every other usage. Needs around 400 quids worth of tools to build it.

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@Ken Hagan

According to that pesky treaty, it is not OK to blind people which is what would happen if you used a 100mW laser.

With a multi-kW a shot in the eye would roast the whole brain and kill the person... which of course is fine.

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Stop

@ Captain DaFt

"Or alternatively, you can just use it to print out pictures of goatse and tubgirl, then leave them where your target will see them." That wouldn't work as Fluffykins asked about setting said laser printer to "stun", not set laser printer to "cause targets head to explode". Believe me I've seen people otherwise unmoved by various and assorted disgusting things be pushed damn near the point of spontaneously vomiting on their shoes by either of those pictures.

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NT

Strange choice of name...

Goddess of family, home, hearth, and sub-impressive directed-energy weapons.

Surely there were others whose names would have been more likely to evoke the sort of awe that Northrop Grumman were looking for?

Oh, sorry, yes: 'sharks'. (I gather it's mandatory.)

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Joke

Damn this dyslexia ...

I read "Vesta" as "Vespa" ... imagine my disappointment when I discovered that the article wasn't about laser-totin' Scooters-Of-Death[tm]

Just as well, though. There's no way you'd fit a scooter onto a shark, even if it did have frickin' laser beams on it.

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Happy

@ Chris Priest

"How the hell is the shark supposed to press the button???"

They press each others, so if you see one dorsal fin no problems, but two or more start dodging the lasers....

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Joke

Be great for survival types

You could kill and cook your beastie in one go.

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Freekin' lasers on Freekin' Sharks

What's the Freekin' point, the animals are already Freekin' dangerous, they don't need no (I was gonna say Freekin' again but decided against it) lasers. What are Northrop wasting thier time on this for?

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Joke

Looking at the picture.

It would seem that the laser is only useful for shooting a bunch of odd shaped dominoes at a distance of about 12 inches.

I'd be taking that back to the shop if it was me.

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