back to article Postman Pat goes postal

Listen carefully and you may detect a mutter of discontent grumbling through the blogosphere at the news, sprung last week, that Postman Pat has had a 21st Century makeover. Out goes the loveable local postman, puttering unhurriedly through the Cumbrian countryside. In comes "high-octane", "energetic" Pat, who has been compared …

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royal fail

being someone who grew up with postman pat im disappointed with the modern twist! but having said that im sure it will appeal to modern yoof, no doubt he will be delivering ASBOs and restraining orders too?

now if only the royal mail could do as well as pat instead of 'loosing' 30% of my play.com orders.

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@Rupert the bear

"We will know that the makeover trend has gone too far when Rupert swaps his black and yellow checks for tracksuit and hoody – and trades in his open-top car for a Hummer."

I picture him more in a pink smartcar, with a horn that does La Cucaracha, maybe with a "friend" called Fenton.

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Unhappy

Why not do it properly?

They should make it a bit more realistic and equip him with a pile of "you were out" cards. He could then spend each episode tip-toeing up to the door, popping a card through and then sprinting back to his van before the homeowner can get to the door.

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Unrealistic

But he's not delivering tons of junk mail so it's not very realistic of the 21st Century postman if you ask me!

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Internal Operative

Postman Pat is doubly the hero because he is now also tasked with reporting terror/paedo/suspicious activities to the "Home Office".

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Bez

Pat on the Back

I assume that - in keeping with changes in Royal Mail services since Pat's original storylines - he will no longer be aired in the early hours of the morning before the kids leave for school, instead showing in the middle of the day when no-one's bloody well in, leaving a calling card saying you can watch it on iPlayer but only till noon on a Saturday and please be ready with your credit card to pay a fee to cover the fact that the sender didn't pay for sufficient bandwidth.

Still, it's a good job it's not DHL Deliveryman Pat, otherwise you'd sit by your telly waiting for it only to find out they'd lost the original recordings and would have to broadcast some snooker instead.

Plus the alliteration would be all shot to cock.

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Will it be true to life?

"losing" parcels (i've lost six this year, all send recorded delivery) and many post office branches closed?

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Stop

Ecellent

Now the kids can post live animals, perishable good, massive parcels.

Will it show you travelling 30 miles to pick it up?, beacuse suprise suprise you wern't in at 11 30am Monday?

Or popping round you neighbours house because posty couldn't be bothered to read the address (or can't read English)

Or maybe show the person waiting patiently for 6 weeks, hoping that the cd from Amazon hasn't got "lost".

Or maybe watching someone being stung a £1 for some junk mail becuase it was 1g over weight?

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Good Grief

What's next Thomas the Tank, Bob the Sapper, how long before Pat has a suspicious parcel.

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Bah what's all the rush

And there was me thinking that the newer Postman Pat series was souped up (shown on CBeebies recently)! Personally I still prefer the much older 'originals' where Pat might just about have a cup of tea before delivering a letter, or help dig Ted Glenn out of a snow drift. Old school.

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Happy

Modern Pat

So, will the modern Pat be blocking the outside lane of the Pencaster bypass in his 40 ton post truck?

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Coat

Surely if.....

they were updating it modern standards in the job Pat would be out his face and man made chemicals and nicking the new credit cards and money from birthday cards sent to little johnny

then it would be more like the postal service round my way

Flame On

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Flame

Answer: both are wrong

After viewing the comparison, I conclude both versions are unrealistic. The old version harks back to a Post Office of 50 years ago. The modern version is generic animation with a posties hat on.

A correct, modern version would have Pat doing nothing until about 2 in the afternoon, and then meandering about delivering letters, occasionally to the right place, before 5pm when he dumps the rest in the canal or in the back of his car for tomorrow.

At least I think that's what they must be doing in our area.

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Boffin

Pat, Postman Pat

What an absolute crock.

Additionally, what rubbish production values. The CGI and bluescreen are ridiculously obvious - watch Pat's mouth if nothing else.

What a travesty of quick cash over quality and new ideas.

Pat (the real one, not this cyber clone) would be rolling in his grave.

Safety goggles - otherwise you may wish to tear your eyes out.

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If we're really going over the top, how about...

Pimp My Pat, where Postman Pat rides around with 20" alloys on his custom painted pimp - um, postwagon.

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Coat

This is true to life

Greendale village post office has closed forceing pensioners to travel miles on non existent rural public transport to get to a post office in the nearest city.

Pat is now part of a low wage expendable work force dependent on technology to substitute job experience and training. Presumably management assigned him to deliver non junk mail in recognition of his long service (in the hope he will injure himself and retire so the position can be filled by lower waged staff).

P.S. Where are all the new icons you promised us? and can we have a where's the Postman Pat angle icon?

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Wot

No Segway?

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Unrealistic

It's a totally ridiculous remake, they had him visiting a village post office! When was the last time you saw one of those?

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Bollocks

Yeah, because kids these days love fast paced explosive action sequences. So it's perfectly fine to butcher these old shows for the sake of the ritalin-popping hyperactive little shits.

Here's an idea. Do another show instead of ruining an old one. There was a time where people actually thought up new ideas rather than making old ones "better".

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Unhappy

Children TV Makeovers

I was shocked to see that Thomas The Tank Engine now all have CGI'd faces. Looks very creepy IMO.

Bring Back Mysterious Cities Of Gold, Gummi Bears and the like. Kids TV was much better when I was young.

This "makeover" looks like a convinent ploy to flog more Postman Pat merchandise and toys.

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Postman Pat and the missing Home Office CD's

Pat's phone rings

Phone: Hello Pat, this is Mr Pratt from the Home Office. We need you help.

Pat: Hello Mr Pratt, Special Delivery services at your service

Phone: We've lost some CD's

Pat: Oh that sounds bad.

Phone: Yes, they contained all the personal information of everybody in Grendale and Pencaster.

Pat: Oh that is bad. I assume you had them send by a secured delivery courier?

Phone: Eh No.

Pat: Well at least by recorded delivery?

Phone: Eh No.

Pat: Well you must of encypted the data?

Phone: Eh... Not as Such.

Pat: You must of password protected them?

Phone: Oh Yes.. We wrote it on the CD.

Pat: Oh. You're Screwed

Pat puts done phone, turns to Jess

Pat: Well Jess, his name might be Pratt but to me he sounds like a complete useless W....

Screen goes blank, cut to old Episode of Bob the Builder.

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No more royal appointment then...

Judging from the lack of crown on his vehicles.

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Much better version

Forget the PC version, I think this one is much more realistic

http://www.funny-videos.co.uk/videoboropostmanpatvid.html

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Bez

We're So Good At Telly

Let's pitch for more remakes:

1. Bod

Now called "Bo!", our little triangular friend marches along to the sound of MP3s on his mobile phone. Aunt Flo is now aged 73 and undergoing IVF. In episode 1, Farmer Barleymow complains about the Common Agricultural Policy and barricades a footpath. In episode 2, Bo! is tagging tube trains when he is shot in the head by PC Copper. Freddie the Frog and the Animal Band are voted off the X-Factor.

2. Mr Benn

Mr Benn is a spy who is investigating The Shopkeeper in connection with an Al-Quaeda cell. In episode 1, Benn travels to a cave. Here we find out he is not related to Tony Benn, although we do discover that his name is Hillary.

3. Bagpuss

Bagpuss misses out vowels and has many spelling errors. In episode 1 he rides an invisible bike; episode 2 sees him set up a monorail service in Emily's garden. New characters include Basementpuss and Ceilingpuss. In the final episode, Bagpuss is killed by God when someone masturbates. God has taken on the form of hummus.

4. The Magic Roundabout

One of the creatures has a huge Freddie Mercury moustache and is made of a spring, and constantly begs people to go to bed with him. There is a rabbit, which is on drugs.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Postman Pat, Postman Pat

Please no cat abuse? I'm not that crazy about cats, but I did just have my lunch.

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My local postie is a hero

When I get a package sent and I am not home to collect it rather than take the said package to the main depot which is about 5 miles away he takes it to the local post office which is about 100 yards away.

Of course the local post office only opens between 9am and 5pm and it never occurs to him that perhaps the reason I am not there is because I have a job and taking it there rather than the main depot which opens at 8am and closes at 7pm is a huge fucking inconvenience as I have to get up early on a Saturday (it closes at 12pm on a Saturday, which is early for me) and then have to spend half an hour in a queue just to find out it was a bloody free sample of soap powder *takes deep breath*

I did always wonder though why Postman Pat takes a cat round with him, but its obvious really. Dogs hate cats more than postman so if he ever gets chased by a savage pitbull he can simply throw the cat at it and make a quick escape while Jess is ripped to shreds

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: We're So Good At Telly

*falls off chair*

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Unhappy

Rupert the Chav

Rupert in a hoodie? Sadly my friend you are behind the times- it has already happened.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/06/entertainment_enl_1161614425/html/1.stm

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Anonymous Coward

Won't leave well enough alone...

The entertainment industry can't help but change a well-loved program to try to improve its appeal to their target demographic groups. For example:

-Kevin Costner as Post-Apocalyptic man Pat.

-Scott Bakula as Mr Benn.

-David Carradine and Sylvester Stalone in a heavily reworked version of Noddy.

Don't even get me started about Captain Pugwash...

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@Naich

LOL!

He should also have a nasty habit of discarding red elastic bands along every street.

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Fire up the patotron

Bloody ridiculous. There's no way 'elf & safety would let him deliver any of the stuff he's assigned on his 'missions'. Jess is a serious liability who could easily injure a child on the rounds. PostMAN is a gender-spiked word indicating a phallocentric view of postal delivery which denigrates the contribution made by the service's wimmin workers. Worst of all, Pat and all his colleagues are all white.

In short, I am disgusted that such a bigoted anachronism of a programme ever got commissioned. It has less relevance to the modern world than Love Thy Neighbour.

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It was a very nice keyboard, really it was.

"If he ever gets chased by a savage Pitbull he can simply throw the cat at it and make a quick escape while Jess is ripped to shreds".

It was a very nice keyboard, really it was.

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Bez

Phallocentric

"PostMAN is a gender-spiked word indicating a phallocentric view of postal delivery"

Well they cock up enough.

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IT Angle

Cumbria?

I thought PP was set in a (fictional) village in Wales??

Of to Wikipedia (gasp!) to check...

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What?

My posty gets in typically around 9. He used to get in earlier, but given his energy, zeal and manners I'm guessing it is beyond his control now. How is a genuinely nice chap (actually jogs on parts of his round to get it done more quickly - at times).

The local post office, well. I was a regular according to the gentleman who ran it. I visited 2-3 times a year. So I can't blame PO for closing it. I'm just a bit screwed by the lack of car mind you.

Rupert Bear? That private school little twerp? Lets make it more realistic - where's the coke 'tache?

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Coat

We need some kind of

post apocalypse 'Pigeon Street', perhaps the pigeons could be sentient, and have robotic pigeon minions to carry out their will, a bit like battle star galactica, but with pigeons, you know?

Perhaps they could use 'Bertha' as their kind of like robot minion pigeon production unit or something.

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Unhappy

Postman Pat HQ just looks like a toy

So this is starting just in time for Christmas lists?

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: What?

>Lets make it more realistic - where's the coke 'tache?

Bear's white, man. It's ingenious.

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Flame

Re: Cumbria?

Quote: "I thought PP was set in a (fictional) village in Wales??"

Nah, you are thinking of Fireman Sam.

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Expoitaton

" ... he now has a number of hi-tech gadgets ... a gyrocopter, a motorbike with sidecar (for Jess, obviously), a satnav and a mobile phone –"

Did someone "merchandising" ?

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Reality for 21st-century kids

Second-class post isn't dealt with until after first-class and any delay is exacerbated with just one delivery a day which comes when it comes. British post is priced between different sizes as well. The posties that I know are generally as nice as Postman Pat but they have no helicopters and I have never seen them leap to move oversize understamped parcels to get to birthday parties.

And I remember post offices: despite being called Royal and not People's Post Offices, they did community things and sold stuff like licences and gave out pensions before the government made people get their pensions through banks. Maybe the bank-crunch will get them put back again?

I like Sarah. I don't think she's really like that white bird on the red coin.

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@ Jon Double Nice

Um, would this be close enough? It's been out awhile and it's even interactive! (Joy) http://www.tomscott.com/flash/pigeonstreet/

Right, right, I'm leaving, quit pushing!

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Coat

Re: Cumbria?

Fireman Sam was in Wales, Postman Pat was clearly up north somewhere.

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Special Delivery Service?

Is he going to end up unemployed after the parent company loses large amounts of cash like at the identically named Special Delivery Service that Ireland had?

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Happy

Postal Pr0N

Does Pat also deliver those brown-paper packages from busty-vixens-online.com?

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IT Angle

Playmobil?

Anyone else click on this link expecting to see playmobil?

No? Just me then...

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Go

Will there be an episode.....

Where he Strikes, It will be a bit boring; 20 minutes of him sitting at a picket line drinking tea and smoking fags, but Dammit it will be realistic.

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Coat

Next Series

In the next series he will just be called "Pat" - Because he will be unemployed.

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AC

surely a 21st century makeover would be ...

Postman Petrov from Poland claiming illegal benefits, having a job and sending all his money back home, living in a free council house with a free tax payer funded ferrari on the drive?

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Pirate

I have the solution!

Buy the book or maybe an old cassette.

Does anyone else remember Johnny Morris' reading of Thomas the Tank Engine? Absolutely amazing!

I smell the merchandising and sponsorship too. "Mummy, mummy (or is that "Mommy, mommy"?) I want a postman pat mobile phone/gps/robot cat!"

I can see why they up the pace of the programmes, obviously the children aren't consuming fast enough! Get 'em going! Drink some caffeine or something!

Pirates! They take a good thing and make it take a long walk off a short plank.

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