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Famous eccentric American botanist, lawyer and soi-disant physicist Walter L Wagner has failed in his bid to have the US courts close down the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). The Hawaiian federal judges reportedly felt that the enormous 27-km proton deathrace track lay somewhat outside their jurisdiction, located as it is beneath …

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Top Alliteration

"Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherers"

Epic win!

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Paris Hilton

Brilliant prose

Wot Greg said. The rest of the article is a scintillating morass of wonderment, went well with coffee cake.

Paris - cos its Wednesday

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Mo

I'll chuckle

If it turns out they were right and a black hole does accidentally get created which ends up destroying the whole planet.

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Pink

Didn't Hawaii used to be British - or at least Hawaiian - until the US annexed it ?

We'd have let it become independent, by now ...

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Rob
Heart

Excellent

Great read there Mr Page, you brightened up an otherwise dull day, thanks.

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Flame

Should sued in Kentucky

The believe they have jurisdiction over the entire world!

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The thing is...

If the "boson botherers" (great phrase, by the way) do manage to turn us all into strangelet soup, Hawaii is going to be about as far away as it can be from there, so will therefore be the one of the last places standing.

So at least they'll be able to point at the incoming cloud of particulate goo from all directions saying "I told you so!"

Jolyon

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Go

I came, I saw, I blogged

This must be pretty close to the most blogged-about science subject on Earth.

Good read, though. Is it just me, or has El Reg picked up its game recently?

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r
Joke

If the LHC does create a Black Hole...

...then look on the bright side. At least the French will go first.

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Pirate

Turn the tables

Maybe we should start instigating lawsuits in the European courts against The Voting Population of The United States, for foisting a disastrous fuckwit like George W Bush onto us all?!!

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Happy

Almost

Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherering-boffins

Fixed it for you :)

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Go

@Lewis

What drugs were you on when you wrote that, because I would like you to share them with me.

Written like a Viz and New Scientist head on collision, well done sir.

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Thank you

Fantastic, I shall never get over a person trying to stop a (I assume) mostly European project - In Europe - using the 'Murkin courts.

I also missread it as bovine-bothering boffins.

Somewhat less sense, but still funny in my twisted world.

Again, Mr Page, you do the world of news credit. And, cheers for keeping life enjoyable.

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Boffin

@Xander

Wrong Icon...

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Pirate

All this talk of boffinry ...

... and the LHC is exciting my particles. Where's Sarah when you need her?

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Linux

Micro black hole falling to the centre of the earth...

Someone has been reading too much David Brin.

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Coat

Boffins this, boffins that

Nothing wrong with using boffins, but try to expand your vocab a little bit. If only so we do not get bored.

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Bronze badge

FTW!

Wonderful subtitle! Kudos!

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Paris Hilton

So is Wagner...

...the tosser that started all this black-hole nonsense? Its a pity there is no law against being a fuckwit - he'd be bang to rights. In the mean time could some one give him a slap if they're passing, thanks.

Paris, 'cos even shes got more sense.

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Black Helicopters

Hah

I'm half surprised they didn't sue to try to prevent incursion from the plane of Xen, or the risk of having Yob-Soddof turning up and devouring our souls...

Black Helicoptors or Black Mesa?

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@Nic Brough

No good, Pratchett fan, must say it...

"Yob-Soddof"

yerwhat, yerwhat, yerwhatyerwhatyerwhat

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"Famous eccentric American botanist, lawyer and soi-disant physicist "

Never heard of him.

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How the hell...

did you survive in the armed forces?

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Anonymous Coward

We're doomed, I tell you.

The black hole is currently eating it's way through the world's bank accounts, why will no one listen to the truth?

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@ac 15:58

No body in America has either. Just some nut looking for fame

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Unhappy

Sadly

His web site does not have a running tally of donations received to date. Would've been good for another laugh I'm sure.

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Absolutely loved ...

However the process of being pulled to bits by runaway tidal forces before being further compressed into superdense incrediblo-paste and squirted through a network of unfeasibly tiny and possibly nonexistent nano wormtunnels would probably be a traumatic one

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Coat

"Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherers"

Holy hell! the sun has nothing on you guys!

(other than the paparazzi shots of the last El-reg party) ;-)

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Bronze badge

Good article but...

You do know that ever since they switched on the LHC, we HAVE become strangelet soup.

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Coat

If we get converted to Strangelet Soup

Would that then mean that normal matter would be considered strange?

Ok, ok, i'm going =)

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Paris Hilton

I cuold have understood bosom-botherers

Paris; and you know why.

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Alert

The oft-expected title

Does my bum look big in this black hole?

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Happy

what you want a tittle

This sort of tomfoollery would have made him the life and soul of any Wardroom at least until the more senior Officers told him to STFU in no uncertain terms,like stuffing his head down the "heads".Brilliant subtitle though.

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NT
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@ Lewis Page

An absolutely fantastic piece of writing. Well done. :o)

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amazing alliteration at academic antithesis

the article was darned good too.

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