Famous eccentric American botanist, lawyer and soi-disant physicist Walter L Wagner has failed in his bid to have the US courts close down the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). The Hawaiian federal judges reportedly felt that the enormous 27-km proton deathrace track lay somewhat outside their jurisdiction, located as it is beneath …
"Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherers"
Wot Greg said. The rest of the article is a scintillating morass of wonderment, went well with coffee cake.
Paris - cos its Wednesday
If it turns out they were right and a black hole does accidentally get created which ends up destroying the whole planet.
Didn't Hawaii used to be British - or at least Hawaiian - until the US annexed it ?
We'd have let it become independent, by now ...
Great read there Mr Page, you brightened up an otherwise dull day, thanks.
Should sued in Kentucky
The believe they have jurisdiction over the entire world!
The thing is...
If the "boson botherers" (great phrase, by the way) do manage to turn us all into strangelet soup, Hawaii is going to be about as far away as it can be from there, so will therefore be the one of the last places standing.
So at least they'll be able to point at the incoming cloud of particulate goo from all directions saying "I told you so!"
I came, I saw, I blogged
This must be pretty close to the most blogged-about science subject on Earth.
Good read, though. Is it just me, or has El Reg picked up its game recently?
If the LHC does create a Black Hole...
...then look on the bright side. At least the French will go first.
Turn the tables
Maybe we should start instigating lawsuits in the European courts against The Voting Population of The United States, for foisting a disastrous fuckwit like George W Bush onto us all?!!
Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherering-boffins
Fixed it for you :)
What drugs were you on when you wrote that, because I would like you to share them with me.
Written like a Viz and New Scientist head on collision, well done sir.
Fantastic, I shall never get over a person trying to stop a (I assume) mostly European project - In Europe - using the 'Murkin courts.
I also missread it as bovine-bothering boffins.
Somewhat less sense, but still funny in my twisted world.
Again, Mr Page, you do the world of news credit. And, cheers for keeping life enjoyable.
All this talk of boffinry ...
... and the LHC is exciting my particles. Where's Sarah when you need her?
Micro black hole falling to the centre of the earth...
Someone has been reading too much David Brin.
Boffins this, boffins that
Nothing wrong with using boffins, but try to expand your vocab a little bit. If only so we do not get bored.
Wonderful subtitle! Kudos!
So is Wagner...
...the tosser that started all this black-hole nonsense? Its a pity there is no law against being a fuckwit - he'd be bang to rights. In the mean time could some one give him a slap if they're passing, thanks.
Paris, 'cos even shes got more sense.
I'm half surprised they didn't sue to try to prevent incursion from the plane of Xen, or the risk of having Yob-Soddof turning up and devouring our souls...
Black Helicoptors or Black Mesa?
No good, Pratchett fan, must say it...
yerwhat, yerwhat, yerwhatyerwhatyerwhat
"Famous eccentric American botanist, lawyer and soi-disant physicist "
Never heard of him.
How the hell...
did you survive in the armed forces?
We're doomed, I tell you.
The black hole is currently eating it's way through the world's bank accounts, why will no one listen to the truth?
No body in America has either. Just some nut looking for fame
His web site does not have a running tally of donations received to date. Would've been good for another laugh I'm sure.
Absolutely loved ...
However the process of being pulled to bits by runaway tidal forces before being further compressed into superdense incrediblo-paste and squirted through a network of unfeasibly tiny and possibly nonexistent nano wormtunnels would probably be a traumatic one
"Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherers"
Holy hell! the sun has nothing on you guys!
(other than the paparazzi shots of the last El-reg party) ;-)
Good article but...
You do know that ever since they switched on the LHC, we HAVE become strangelet soup.
If we get converted to Strangelet Soup
Would that then mean that normal matter would be considered strange?
Ok, ok, i'm going =)
I cuold have understood bosom-botherers
Paris; and you know why.
The oft-expected title
Does my bum look big in this black hole?
what you want a tittle
This sort of tomfoollery would have made him the life and soul of any Wardroom at least until the more senior Officers told him to STFU in no uncertain terms,like stuffing his head down the "heads".Brilliant subtitle though.
@ Lewis Page
An absolutely fantastic piece of writing. Well done. :o)
amazing alliteration at academic antithesis
the article was darned good too.
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