"oh paris coz'" comments we gonna get this time?

I say at least 6 before this comment is published.. cant we remove the icon? its rarely used for remotely amusing purposes and instead for shi**y paris cos she blows at the end of an article about wind farms etc... get a life!

anyway, rant over, carry on,,

Is that prison slang?

"- the pure red hot thrill of mechanical dead-eyed coitus with someone you wouldn't actually piss on if they were on fire."

I did chuckle. The chuckle became a laugh at the next small sentence.

Maybe it's ennui, that feeling you get after too many dead-eyed sessions, who knows? I don't care why Sarah, none of us do, we just care and we hope that you can find some way to bring some joy into your life.

Not only a top article, but it has shown me where i have been going wrong, i'm off to learn how to fix dishwashers.

mines the one with the copy of the idiots guide to fixing household appliances in the pocket

Sarah, you really do need to spend less time with Lester you know!

Hmm.....you certainly seem to have done your research on this well to provide the plot and a good healthy dose of innuendo bingo.

You did miss out on saying that if this idea fails it will be called Bonkers or they could go after the pr0n hungry geeks with a remade in print Tr0n Pr0n :)

Mine's the one with the dirty mac........iMac of course *ahem*

So the terrorist wouldn't be an Islamic militant then? Good to see someone thinking outside the box. Perhaps he's a Russian*, that would be a shock eh?

*Silly me, then it would have be Vodka. Lets hope she hasn't got any cuts on her leg.

Or just plagarise, whatever:

"It's not pr0n unless, at the end, someone's gooey. Arcing ropes of jism hitting chins -- that is pr0n"

Steven R

PS: How many offers of having your washing machine fixed have you had so far from this story, Ms Bee?

PPS: It's probably the heater element...I'll just get my wrench out. *Wah guitar kicks in*

Perchance you might find time to illustrate a chapter of this novel for friday? Its been a while...

Paris - there wasn't really any other option was there?

Too late, now i have mental images of him doing NSFW type stuff :-(

Good first attempt, but what sort of beer and what kind of sandwich?

Just because no-one has sunk that low.

@ "Richard"

" Good to see someone thinking outside the box "

I think you'll find it's an exact opposite that M&B are in fact aiming for. Ithankyou.

Sorry mate - it's been done. I have a pop-up Karma Sutra on the shelf. (Next to a set of Sexual Position Top Trumps - in German, of course).

But perhaps she really did need her dishwasher fixing

Sarah, you really do need to spend less time with Lewis you know!

Lester's filth *and* Lewis's alliteration. It's all getting too much. I have to go and lie down. And dream of broken dishwashers and Large Hardon Colliders.

Is it obligatory? The balding, obese 40 year old bloke currently fixing ours really isn't my type...

One Eyed Jack.

Reading through the summaries of this type of literature, the first 20 all involve the man being shot, drowned, stabbed, kidnapped, imprisoned , suffering from a non infectious or icky illness, comatose, dying from a poison or having to fight to survive or having just killed someone in self defence to defend their honor.

It seems women want the first step to be a man who is weak or has to rely totally on them, while being powerful and dangerous in the eyes of everyone else and that all other women will try and fail to steal him.

Christ mate, could you have NSFW'd that? I'm going to have to sit here for ten minutes while i subside! and it's home time!

So what you're saying, is that every time SHE fixes the dishwasher I have to oblige her desires? Hardly seems fair on the poor dishwasher, she'll be pretending it's broke regularly just so she can "fix it".

That boring old thing?

I made the mistake of buying a copy of a complete translation of the whole shebang, a modern translation, not the Richard Burton one from 100+ years ago that chastely pulls its punches and is mistranslated to boot, and...well...well...it's boring as hell.

Buy a pop-up Kama Sutra and put the baby to sleep!

Paris, just to annoy the anti-Paris brigade.

Jizz and more Jizz

@Les Matthew

she uses the words sex and filth together as she is pure filth herself and knows it. The joy and glee that went into writing this piece is evident and good to see.

Carry on.

Love it

Gave me a great laugh to start my day. If I quoted all the bits I found funny I'd wind up quoting most of the article - and you already know what you wrote.

Joe K:

Nice try but far too much plot for a M&B...