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back to article Women turn on to a throbbing Maserati

It's official: If you want to turn a woman on, ditch the Volkswagen Polo and get yourself a Maserati, which is 100 per cent guaranteed to get those vital testosterone secretions flowing. That's according to research by psychologist David Moxon, who subjected 40 guinea pigs to recordings of the aforementioned cars' throbbing …

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Coat

"We saw significant peaks, particularly in women"

Surely they should be concentrating on the actual testing rather than checking out the Bulgarian airbags?

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Gates Halo

Good news

I can report as a Maserati driver women perfer the beast to anything erman and most other italian cars lol

I should stick a "the reg" sticker in the back window, if someone would send me one and take a pic of it lol

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Joke

I suppose...

... that if our web dominatrix is as powerful as is rumoured, *she* will soon have a maserati. Of course if it makes women generate testosterone she'll also have a beard...

This may explain why most Maser drivers seem to be pretty-boys who can't park... they're actually women with facial hair.

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Anonymous Coward

Guinea pigs?

Since when have guinea pigs had any response except blind terror to the growl of high performance engines?

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Joke

Dear Maserati Owners

Please drive up and down the road outside my house all night. I live in Norfuck Street.

Thank you

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Unhappy

So in my Ford Ka

I'm fucked (or rather not likely to be fucked, as the article suggests).

Anon (because of the Ka)

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Anonymous Coward

I Hope

It doesn't involve furry-mammals!

> for the sharp and sudden increase in sexual promiscuity

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Happy

I'd be interested to see...

the results after fitting a stupidly loud "bean can" exhaust to the Polo :)

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"We saw significant peaks, particularly in women"

Phnarr phnarr

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Boffin

I guess the Vauxhall Astra ...

... will do the trick, as long as I have a big sound system and a few motor sport recordings?

Scientific minds want to know.

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Coat

As a Polo owner...

...(mk2F GT squareback) I'm really getting a kick out of this article. Unfortunately neither a Maserati, nor a Ferrari, nor a Lambo would fit in my garage.

/ my coat's the small but practical, faded green, scuffed one

// it matches the car

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Unhappy

Doesn't Work

I just tried it - I drove my guinea pig around on the passenger seat of my '61 Vignale and either it didn't work or I don't understand guinea pig arousal because it bit me and scampered off under the dash.

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Phooey

Heck, any of today's Masers is only a Ferrari by another name. As well, they're both owned by Fiat, as are Alfa Romeo, Lancia ...

Conversely, Lamborghini is owned by VW, as are Audi, Bentley (yes), Bugatti, Seat, Skoda ...

Oh, and Porsche now owns VW!

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@Russ Tarbox

***"the results after fitting a stupidly loud "bean can" exhaust"***

Probably good at attracting chavettes, but everyone else will just laugh at you.

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Tim

@Damien, the 12 year old "Maserati driver"

Gran Turismo doesn't count mate. lol.

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Coat

AROOGA! AROOGA! AROOGA!

Am I the only one whose red alert siren went off when they read this?

>"ditch the Volkswagen Polo and get yourself a Maserati, which is 100 per cent guaranteed to get those vital testosterone secretions flowing."

>"All the women tested showed "a significant increase in testosterone secretion after listening to the Maserati"

If you think it's a good idea to "increase testosterone secretion" in women, U R DOIN IT WRONG!

Well either that or you're trying to impress a member of the former East German Women's Shot-putting team.

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Anonymous Coward

HAHA

What a complete useless crock of shit. Bunch of sad, pretentious, pathetic fucks. I really don't know where they get the funding for this sort of crap, nor why anyone would be the remotest bit interested.

Come on Apophis don't miss, there's a whole planet full of worthless Sun and Daily Mail readers needing obliterated.

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Happy

@ Bean Can

Very loud laughter from both men and women..

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So, to sum up.

Mazza's are macho, Lambos are gay and VW Polos are for sad bastards with no life.

This is new information how, exactly?

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Happy

@ Russ Tarbox

An outbreak of acne and a love of loud breakbeat shite I'd imagine.

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Anonymous Coward

@ Russ Tarbox

Is there a hormone people produce when the see a prat?

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any other cars tested?

Otherwise that's like saying a crapped out ford transit picks up less checks than a brand new aston martin surely? According to http://www.tmcnet.com/usubmit/-hiscox-luxury-cars-really-get-pulses-racing-/2008/09/01/3627563.htm they used a maserati, Ferrari and lamba with a polo, not really a great comparison. What about a souped up vw golf or modded skyline?

Also it was a recording, what effect would a real car have? surely a much greater one? and no stats on the Ferrari effects either. if the maserati was tested using a real car, one could almost imagine a Lynx ad style chasing of the driver (in which case i feel sorry for the guy driving the lamba :o )

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Happy

It must take a special kind of bastard...

to think of doing animal experiments in the name of insurance, of all things. Top marks.

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Anonymous Coward

@Russ Tarbox

"bean can" exhaust? I've always referred to excausts like that as w*nker pipes! :)

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Sorry to all those offended by this

But it's true.

Women like big engines and fancy cars. yes, even your special lady who isn't a cheap floozy and doesn't mind that you aren't exactly Bill Gates in the wallet department, she likes them too.

Which is exactly what they're designed for and why people pay so much for 'em. No need to be upset boys and girls. Admit it, you'd love a Maserati or a Ferrari. Admit it, admit that having a roof over your head is your priority, and move on.

/jaguar driver

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What Maser?

If it was GranTurismo, I can see that - the sound of one of those being booted makes me aroused too.

There again, though, so does the sound of a sawn off Metro 6R4* [Youtube it] - what a noise, never has a six-pot sounded so utterly sexual.

I think this may make me a bit strange though.

Steven "I wasn't looking at that blonde, I was looking at the 964 RS" Raith

*Metro 6R4 - a spaceframed, mid engined, 400+bhp V6, four wheel drive group B rally car. With Metro body panels bolted on top. Hilariously ugly and stupidly fast.

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Re: I'd be interested to see...

Russ Tarbox

"I'd be interested to see... the results after fitting a stupidly loud "bean can" exhaust to the Polo :)"

There's a difference between engine noise and exhaust noise.

Engine noise has a sound: growl, grit, tuning, music.

Exhaust noise is just volume 'cos you've kicked the muffler in the nuts.

The muffler makes for a much more appealing sound because it removes some of the odd harmonics, leaving a more organic , "tuned" sound.

The physiological reaction to the "roar" of an engine is because it mimics something in nature: the voice. The grinding of a bean can is more akin to being in metalwork class.

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Anonymous Coward

Another car to add to the test list

True Story: About 17 years ago we were visited simultaneously by a woman who arrived in a Maserati (I had to discretely look at the badge as I had never seen one before (a Maserati that is, not a woman but I digress)). Oh yes the simultaneous visit was from a German in a Trabant.

You're way ahead of me aren't you - she was wetting herself for a ride in the Trabant while the Maserati stayed, ignored, in the drive.

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J
Coat

Re:HAHA

Wow, it took quite a while today for the idiot brigade to show up...

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Bronze badge

sure it's a rev up

Women love driving big, fast cars. They know they'll probably not get their hands on the steering wheel of power, and to growl up the Autobahn in something that won't shift up from second gear until you hit about 50 mph is the closest to world domination as they get.

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Alien

Hermes Cloaking Style

Bugger the Viagra.... Bag a Bugatti, would then Logically Seem like Perfect Lovers' Steps. Not for the Faint Hearted, Fortunately. 42 Much Love can Kill You Everytime.

So True Love is Never and can Never Ever Be Abused?!. :-)

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@AC - ref funding

Isn't HISCOX the rather exclusive 'fat-wallets need only apply' banking service?

I think that's all the funding they need.

I believe the results are more skewed toward the luxury, exclusive, successful elements of what these cars represent than the burbles, Hence the Maser came first as it's likely to be the most comfortable out of the Ferrari and Lambo, and percieved as the most exclusive.

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It was a recording???

I've wondered how I'm going to cope with my first electric car when the hippies get to rule the world. Now I know how to keep pedestrians from falling under the wheels, not stall in corners, and generally retain the ambience of motoring that I am used to. And it also seems that any old sound system will do.

The next research proposal will be on the effect of different tyre squeals?

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Heart

You are Jeremy Clarkson ....

and I claim my five pounds.

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Happy

So what is the news here, scientific!

Large yachts, nice cars, large estates, big houses, large accounts.

Trying to teach kids things they have in their geens since Adam.

Not forgetting Eve, of course.

Technology has "advanced" since the apple.

We have not.

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Coat

women are pigs?

How can they extrapolate and say that Guinea pigs are the same as human women? .......Italian girls maybe ? ....... HMMM, Guinea pigs, Italian cars .......I maybe onto something here..... :-P

I know my Honda Civic with the bean can keys are in here somewhere....

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Bronze badge

Er...

What sort of Maserati?

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Anonymous Coward

Ah...

But how does it compare to the roar of a 1000cc V-twin motorcycle going past on it's back wheel?

Anon because of several dozen road traffic laws.

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Happy

The usual method

Is a lot more intimate than this, also the levels of testosterone may span hours so the VW could be the arousal which follows into the Masserati.

Anyway it's a press release science so doesn't really matter.

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Gates Halo

RE: Tim

Didnt mean to offend you, green eyes and all lol

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Good science

A car insurance company would like me to buy a bigger, faster car.

I use vehicles for transport. For manufacturing testosterone, I prefer to use my testes. Though I can see why a fast car would make a good substitute if you were unfortunate enough not to have a pair.

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Comments on comments

@TeeCee - "Mazzas are macho" ??? Try a Norinco Type 551 AFV !! It comes with twin 25 mm machine-cannons as standard. AND it also swims at 13 kph. Gas turbine engine is standard !! And the 6 (yes, six) extra large, extra wide wheels are just perfect for rolling over the parking warden's feet !!

@AC - if you think women like large engines then shurly a gas turbine engine will win hands down (see above). And what woman can resist popping her head out of the commander's hatch in the turret and shout at the local traffic to F*** off out of the way while threatening them with the twin cannons (vehicle's, not hers) !! And "bombing down the road" takes on a whole new meaning !!

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Paris Hilton

Women and fast cars

Hmmm. Yes. OK. SOME women DO like expensive cars. In my experience, they only do it for the wallet that's putting fuel in the tank.

Its the ones that HATE it when you drive fast that are the keepers.

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@Dave Bell

BiTurbo. Chicks go crazy for those you know.

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Happy

Hahahaha thats Awesome!

Just bought myself a Mercedes Benz SLK 55 AMG about 2 weeks ago.

5.5l V8 which I turn the radio down just to listen to.

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Cock and Wallet

That's all a straight girl is really looking for.

If a bloke has enough of the latter to buy a Maserati, then he probably has enough to compensate for any shortcomings in trouserville.

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@AC

"But how does it compare to the roar of a 1000cc V-twin motorcycle going past on it's back wheel?"

It HAS to be an Italian V-Twin though!

Mines the one with the RSVR keys...

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Dead Vulture

@amfM and AC biker

amfM - Bugattis - especially the EB110 and current Veyron - really don't sound that good. Quite dull. I reckon anyway, YMMV. Now, the BRM V16...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk8qPlOKB0I

Listen to that with headphones, my martian chum. Best. Noise. Evar. If that doesn't get the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, I officially pronounce you dead between waist and knees.

Mr 1000cc V-twin on one wheel ; women don't want an organ donor, they want stability, common sense, and someone to care about them.

At least, that's what all the women tell me they really want from a man, when they tell me they just want to be friends...

...right, I'm off to buy an 1000cc V-twin then.

Steven R

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Anonymous Coward

Works for males too

For me it was the sound of a Ducati 996 going by.

An old Porsche 944 Turbo has done nothing for my love life, but that's not why I drive it.

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